Hoodrat Heroes

Wildeyeast Infection And Queefpie Boytoy Assault Turtle Rider At Chicopee Walmart, Threaten Her On Facebook, And Their FB Pages Are Ghettotacular Fortune Cookies

Wildeyeast Infection And Queefpie Boytoy Assault Turtle Rider At Chicopee Walmart, Threaten Her On Facebook, And Their FB Pages Are Ghettotacular Fortune Cookies

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Reader Email: Turtleboy, is there anyway you can write an article on two ratchets from the Chicopee Walmart that slapped my phone out of my hand and harassed me for about 20 minutes straight? I did a whole post about it yesterday and I was hoping you saw it before it got deleted because they started talking shit about hunting down my family and everything so I played it safe. But these two will definitely be a hot topic. I’ll send you the pic. I should have screen shotted the whole post I did yesterday, there was about 300 shares, 400 comments and a whole shitload of likes. I’m pissed at myself for not at least getting pics of some of it. I think someone may have even tried to tag you in it. it was the most ideal Turtleboy topic ever!!  And her name is seriously Gata Syko… like that isn’t ironic considering I “gotta psycho” on my god damn hands. 

I didn’t think we’d be able to blog this since she didn’t get the video. Then she showed us the message that the wildeyeast infection known as Gato Syco sent her after the turtle rider’s post went semi-viral:

Yes!! You know when you see the broken caps lock button you’re about to enter a magical rabbit hole of ratchetry!

So we had to check out what she was all about. And she did not let us down.

As you can imagine she has a litter of children, as does her boo. Which is wonderful, because as you will see they are more fit than anyone to be parents. Like most hoodrat heroes, Gato and her manz Yampol Garcia like to get “turnt” and have mastered the art of the dog as well as various other mammal filters:

They are a power couple

That enjoys sharing their necking experiences

And making out in the bathroom.

Hot.

Yampol likes to take spinning classes in order to stay in shape.

And he keeps hydrated with copious amounts of purple drank.

His favorite NBA sportball team is the Indiana Pacers.

LOL. Just kidding. We all know who his favorite sportball team is…..

Him and the homies have been HUGE Chicago Bulls fans for quite sometime now and always rep them when one of the bro needs to be freed on Facebook:

President Trump saw this and immediately decided to pardon their friend. After all, Yampol did save France from radical Islamic terrorism.

So President Trump owes him one.

It’s kind of shocking that he’d hit someone’s cell phone out of their hand at the Walmart though. After all, Yampol comes from the judgement free zone.

Which makes sense, because odds are “only God can judge” is a regular phrase in his vocabulary.

Their life is quite glamorous as well. On top of their EBT spending sprees at the Chicopee Walmart, they also enjoy fancy dinners at such upscale locations as Red Lobster.

And when they cash in those stamps they get from all the babies she’s pumped out of her stench trench, they cash em in for a night at the casino!

You’ll never guess what her cigarette brand of choice is either…..

New-poes. What were the odds??!! I’d say about as good as the odds that they value having a matching pair of fresh Jordans more than they do making sure their kids do their summer reading.

Fresh to def!!

They never miss an opportunity to pose for a middle finger selfie

A bathroom selfie

A tramp stamp selfie

Or the ever popular “I’m clearly in my 40’s and I have a litter of children, but I’m still going out to the Hippodrome anyway” selfie.

Gato Syko hates when people be going to the club without her old ass.

Each of her Facebook rants is like a ghettotacular fortune cookie:

I don’t know what any of that means, but it sounds important.

I have a question Gato – do you fuck wit fake bitchez?

Thank you for clearing that up. That’s what I assumed, but I just wanted to make sure. I should’ve known a real ass bitch with a big heart such as yourself would never fuck wit fake bitchez.

Another question Gata – can I give you a call this weekend?

Well then, a simple “no” would’ve sufficed. I guess you’re right though. Clearly you’ve moved onto bigger and better things.

Final question – what do you think of my new outfit from MadRag? Do they match my Jordan’s?

Gee whiz, sorry we can’t all have 20 pairs of fresh Jordan’s like you do. Not all of us have the luxury of eating out at Red Lobster every Tuesday.

Anyway, we would LOVE to have Gata and/or her manz on Turtleboy Live Sunday night so they can explain what REALLY happened at the Chicopee Walmart. I’m sure they have a lot of insightful things they can add to the conversation. Message us on the Facebook machine and we’ll hook it up with the Skype.

 

 

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19 Comment(s)
  • Tyrone Biggums
    October 12, 2017 at 8:35 pm

    Gata doesn’t smoke pasto (a cheap Crack precursor) just Newports? I call shenanigans! I saw her at the 5 o’ clock free Crack giveaway yesterday!

  • Jasone
    September 11, 2017 at 10:04 am

    BOY she is a handsome women

  • Berkshire TurtleRider
    September 11, 2017 at 6:01 am

    There isn’t enough money in the world to make me visit that store. Went in once, feared for my safety every second. Nothing but ghetto trash shopping there.

  • They call me Ponch
    September 10, 2017 at 9:18 pm

    Kid must use the plastic coated girls weights at the gym.

  • Dave
    September 10, 2017 at 8:42 am

    I just googled SKANK and a couple of pictures of Gata popped up in the images. And what the fuck is a Yampol?

  • hahahaohreally
    September 10, 2017 at 3:09 am

    His eyebrows are ridiculous! Dude, don’t try to act hard when you have a beautician on speed dial!

  • poop
    September 9, 2017 at 10:41 pm

    Yampol looks gay and Gata looks old enough to be his mother…or grandmother.

  • DJ Trump
    September 9, 2017 at 4:43 pm

    More Gypsy trash, I love it. Stereotypes exist for a reason people, and fucking trash like them deserve it. Beware of Gypsies, they walk among us.

  • Stunt Penis
    September 9, 2017 at 4:00 pm

    I was going to have sex with my wife tonight. Now, no amount of viagra will get me hard after seeing those pictures.

  • Mr. 45
    September 9, 2017 at 3:33 pm

    This blog should be re-named: “WHY I CARRY.”

  • wormtownspawn
    September 9, 2017 at 2:41 pm

    Oh sweet Jesus
    I’ll conform
    just get that image of the beast in the red dress
    out of my mind

  • Bob
    September 9, 2017 at 2:40 pm

    Looks like the gene pool is very low out there. Has to be inbreeding on this one, plus take a horrid look at the magic marker eyebrows. Never mind the pubic hair facial disaster. As for the female I think, looks like she or he is transitioning into something. Maybe reptilian or could just be a old school ‘Drag Queen” ?

  • Independent Thinker
    September 9, 2017 at 2:36 pm

    Is it just me, or are others having difficulty reading and comprehending ghetto talk?

    I am in favor of increasing gun ownership and the rights of law abiding citizens to carry guns in order to protect them from hood rats and other undesirables who wish to steal or do bodily harm. We didn’t see any looting in Texas and we probably won’t see much in Florida because their citizens are armed.

    • The Vorlon
      September 10, 2017 at 3:08 pm

      A armed society is a polite society.
      –R.A.H.

  • September 9, 2017 at 1:57 pm

    So much for MadRag attire that looks like loo rag cloth.

  • DraMatik
    September 9, 2017 at 1:56 pm

  • The Vorlon
    September 9, 2017 at 1:49 pm

    How is this for a proposal: Your food stamp allowance is reduced for every tat, piercing and hair color not found in nature other than on parrots that you have. Bigger cut for smoking.

    As the former secretary of State would say, (as he rides his pink bike) “Would that it were…”

    • TIG OLE BITTIES
      September 9, 2017 at 8:04 pm

      I consider myself pretty knowledgeable when it comes to the Ghetto. But why does Purple Draank have to be double cupped. Please inform me

      • Cat
        September 9, 2017 at 9:23 pm

        I could be wrong on this. I think it is because the syrup is more dense then the soda. Since you sip it slowly, the drink seperates. You take the bottom cup and pour it in and pour it back to mix it again.

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