Social Justice Warriors

Worcester Gets Invaded By Hippies, Prius’s, And Other Berniemobiles For North High Weekend With Bernie

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So Bernie Sanders came to Worcester today. You know where he didn’t go? Colrain. Because just like Donald Trump, he knows that Worcester is the mecca of the universe so he had to make an appearance here if he wants to be President. Clinton, Obama, Taft. They all understand our greatness. But unlike Trump, Bernie forgot to make sure the DCU Center was available and he had to settle for North High School (even though South High’s gym is twice its size) and split his crowd up into the gym, auditorium, cafeteria, and the rejects who got stuck outside. D’Oh!!!

We got off the highway at the Grafton Street exit and couldn’t turn right to head towards Hamilton Street because traffic was backed up all the way to the light:

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Naturally then we went up Franklin Street, only to find another wall full of traffic once we came within a quarter mile of the Franklin Street light:

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But Turtleboy is from Worcester so he doesn’t wait in traffic. We banged a quick right, went through a dirt road, and emerged on Plantation Street and passed this legion of sheep. Harrington Way was a real blast:

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So we parked on a side street and headed over to North High on foot. Along the way the sidewalk was covered in ice, because obviously the City of Worcester decided not to prepare for a rally they knew thousands would come to. Consequently we saw some poor guy slip on the ice and fall flat on his face. He’s probably got a concussion now:

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Joe Petty said our streets are safe, but he never said anything about the sidewalks.

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When we got to the school the line was a mile long:

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LOL. Anyone who waited in that line is a chump. Newsflash – you’re going to a Bernie rally. Just cut the line. Because nothing is more Bernie Sanders then cutting a line and taking something that isn’t yours.

Another perfect fit at the Bernie rally was Santa Claus:

Because Bernie and Santa are both mythical old grey dudes who bring you free shit.

Anyway, we’ve already heard Bernie speak a million times so we understand what he’s all about – free healthcare, $15 an hour, and blunts to the dome. One of those three things sounds like a great idea. We’ll let you decide which one. He also blames everything on the rich and pretends like he’s gonna take all their money.

But the thing I find most hilarious is the whole 3 month family leave everyone’s gonna get after you have a baby. Never mind how this gets paid for, my question is, what kind of man needs 3 months off after having a baby? Did I miss something? Is this supposed to be a traumatic event for us? Did we carry the baby for 9 months? Mrs. Turtleboy spit out Turtleboy Jr. and Turtleboy was blogging ten hours later. Get your ass back to work and have some Goddamn pride in yourself. The baby will be there when you get home.

So since we already knew what he was all about, we didn’t need to stick around to listen to him. We were more interested in seeing what the crowd was like. Because supposedly Bernie is the guy that the black lives matter folks are getting behind. And unlike that big ol’ racist Trump, Bernie rallies are known for their diversity:

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LOL, just kidding. Just like most Trump rallies, it’s just a bunch of white people. There’s basically two types of people at Bernie rallies. First you’ve got the retired Western Mass/Vermont hippies:

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They’ve been protesting big business and protecting the environment since before it was cool, so you can understand the draw.

The other crowd are the people in their young 20’s who have never voted before, but are drawn to the fact that Bernie is offering them all this free shit. Required attire for the Bernie post-college hippie is some combination of the following, 1) hipster glasses, 2) skinny jeans, 3) Saver’s brand shoes, and 4) an unintentional beard that got that way out of shear laziness:

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Others choose to go full hippie:

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Oh yea, and unlike the last month of school last year, Lisa Dyer decided to make an appearance in the high school that she is the principal of:

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Here’s another reason we can’t get behind Bernie. Turtleboy refuses to support anyone whose staffers are a bunch of twenty somethings who think they’re part of a movement. These people just let you walk right about to the Bern:

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I want my President to be surrounded by a bunch of suits with ear pieces who let it be known that they will fuck you up if you look at the candidate the wrong way. Turtleboy shouldn’t be able to walk up to a real presidential candidate and shake his hand like this:

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But that’s because Bernie isn’t a real candidate. Just ask Hillary. She took a huge dump during the last debate debate because she knows the election is already over. When we were at the Trump rally we were basically molested before entering, and before we gave him the “I Am Turtleboy” shirt, a bunch of suits came over and told us to put our hands up. It FELT like we were about to see a guy who could be President. When we met Bernie it felt like we just met a guy that was running for selectman in Colrain.

The major differences between the Trump crowds and the Bernie crowds are the cars that got them there. I wish we took more pictures of Trumpmobiles, but you can imagine what the dominant vehicle of choice was – anything that unnecessarily uses gas as least efficiently as possible while showing everyone else that you have a huge schmenzer.

Berniemobiles are the complete opposite. We did a brief survey of the parking lots to see how many people drove a Prius to the Bernie rally. Because make no doubt about it – there are no people on earth who want to pat themselves on the back more than Prius owners. They’re saving the world from global warming. Didn’t you get the message? We put the over/under at 45.5 Prius’s. Let’s see how many we found:

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So that’s 40 Prius’ right there, and we didn’t even check out anything along the side streets. There were at LEAST 100 Prius’ there. And as you can see, parking inside designated lines is clearly not the strength of your average Berniemobile driver.

There were other Berniemobiles that were also popular, such as the Toyota Echo:

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The Honda Fit:

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Toyota Matrix:

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Subaru Impreza:

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The Chevy Spark:

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The VW Golf:

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The Hyundai Accent:

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The Urkel-mobile:

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The Toyota Yaris:

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The Suzuki SX4:

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And if you are going to drive a Berniemobile, you can’t forget your the complete Bernie bumper sticker collection, including the 99% sticker:

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Your Clark University and Earth bumper stickers:

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The rainbow peace symbol:

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Coexist is always a classic:

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(nothing says I’m a pretentious dickbag who thinks I’m better than everyone else than the guy with the Coexist bumper sticker)

The guy who changed his profile picture to the pink equality symbol and thinks they changed the world:

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The “I don’t believe in God, which makes me a million times smarter than you morons who do” #tolerance:

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The Lena Dunham man-hating feministo:

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“No means no” is sexist now. Consent has to be an “enthusiastic” yes. So all you guys and gals out there who did the deed after your partner said, “fine, just make it quick,” – you’re all rapists. All of you.

And of course the guy from Nevada who follows Bernie all around the country and has a Las Vegas Mafia license plate:

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Anyway, it was great to feel the Bern in the Woo. Even though he doesn’t have any chance of winning, the fact that stuff like this happens in Worcester just proves that as Worcesterites, we are the chosen people.

P.S. I love that Joe Petty and Ed Augustus were nowhere to be found for this. Because why would the City Manager and Mayor show up for a rally for a guy who is seeking THEIR PARTY’S nomination for President? LOL. They’re obviously under instruction from the machine that under no circumstances can they ever show support to someone not named Hillary. But there’s no political machine in Worcester, I swear!!!

Double P.S. – Turtleboy officially killed Orange Julius Jones today. Bernie Sanders rallies are the easiest to take over in the history of democracy. He’ll just let you walk up on stage and take the mic as long as you’re planning on lecturing him about black lives matter. OJJ and the hippies are done, and Turtleboy has played them.

 

 

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48 Comment(s)
  • juror seven
    January 4, 2016 at 2:09 am

    Back in the day real hippies = Abby Hoffman. Not theses morons.

  • Gronkmonster
    January 4, 2016 at 1:49 am

    Blur out a plate that is visible %100 of the time it is on your car ?? I honestly do not like using this word but are you retarded or embarrassed that you attended a Bernie rally ? What the hell could possible happen from your plate being posted? Parents will finally kick you out of the basement ?

  • Fat Finger Lou
    January 4, 2016 at 1:43 am

    Nice venue. Couldn’t get a College in Worcester or Mechanics Hall….where Presidents spoke?

  • Augustus Ceasar
    January 4, 2016 at 1:02 am

    Sounds like your plates ARE blurred out.

  • Feministo
    January 4, 2016 at 12:51 am

    Hey, maybe if you post people’s cars, blur out their license plate, dumbass. My car was up there, and that’s not fucking cool. You know, the Lena Dunham man-hating feministo? But you know, Lena Dunham is child molester white feminist, blah blah blah. And man-hating? Nice, bruh. Original insult.
    But seriously, for people’s security, blur their license plates. Like legitimate sources and not two-bit wannabe journalists.

  • Chris From Georgia
    January 3, 2016 at 11:52 pm

    Was the band playing “Santa Clause is Coming to Town”?

  • RSoxGuy
    January 3, 2016 at 12:24 pm

    Bernie draws over capacity crowd……… to small high school gym.

  • Gronkmonster
    January 3, 2016 at 11:15 am

    You have done it now TB>..You even pissed off a flannel wearing moose raping canuck!!

    • LIterallyballsdeepinamoose
      January 4, 2016 at 1:44 am

      much better than a boy fucking a turtle (in a north face and boat shoes), amiright??!

  • WormtownorBust
    January 3, 2016 at 11:12 am

    Remember people:

    Politicians offering ‘free stuff’ are doing nothing more than using your tax dollars to buy votes.

  • January 3, 2016 at 10:16 am

    Get fucked. A respectable man runs for president, and all you can do is point out every trope to fit a narrative that is literally propaganda. You’re as bad as the MSM. Are you also on Hillary’s payroll?

  • January 3, 2016 at 10:16 am

    Get fucked. A respectable man runs for president, and all you can do is point out every trope to fit a narrative that is literally propaganda. You’re as bad as the MSM. Are you also on Hillary’s payroll?

    • Young Conservative
      January 4, 2016 at 1:30 am

      Bernie is a socialist. Socialism is an assault on American values. Go back to Canada and smoke a joint with Justin Trudeau. Case closed.

      • Wwy
        January 4, 2016 at 1:42 am

        Hitler was a socialist I mean cmon.

        • LIterallyballsdeepinamoose
          January 4, 2016 at 1:46 am

          history 101 is calling.

          • Wwy
            January 6, 2016 at 3:04 am

            Lol. This guy kidding. Hitler didn’t come out of the “national socialist party” in Germany. Nazi is a derogatory term for being a socialist,are we really this stupid here?

          • Canadian in an IceCats jersey
            January 6, 2016 at 11:05 am

            I’m not sure which fantasy world you live in where Nazism=socialism. There is no legitimate historian who wouldn’t characterize the rise of fascism in Europe as an anti-socialist movement. If we exclusively went by what countries and parties called themselves, wouldn’t we all want to live in the Democratic Republic of Congo?

        • John
          January 4, 2016 at 11:27 pm

          So was Reagan

        • Wwy
          January 6, 2016 at 3:27 am

          Canada is still run by Britain don’t let Trudeau’s suit fool you. They still believe in kings and queens.

          • Canadian in an IceCats jersey
            January 6, 2016 at 10:47 am

            You lack an understanding of the Canadian political system. The governor-general has never dissolved parliament without the consent of the elected prime minister. Loyalists are few and far between in Canada, and primarily a relic of the past. New citizens can even disavow the oath to the Queen.

          • Wwy
            January 7, 2016 at 1:18 am

            Very good hitler was ELECTED and did not run on a fascist ticket,he was a natl. socialist like the Canadian pm. Now bow to your queen.

      • John
        January 4, 2016 at 11:26 pm

        Case reopened. Socialism is a major construct in American economics, and has been right from the start. Go back to grade school and learn some terminology. Oh wait, public schools are socialism. You can’t because you’re such a great American. But now I understand your ignorance.

        • Chris From Georgia
          January 5, 2016 at 8:52 am

          Socialism is the antithesis of a free market economy. Looks like your indoctrination is complete.

          • January 5, 2016 at 11:09 am

            “socialism for the rich, rugged individualism for the poor.”

          • Chris From Georgia
            January 5, 2016 at 11:50 am

            Canadian please give us your definition of socialism.

          • Canadian in an IceCats jersey
            January 5, 2016 at 5:10 pm

            Well, certainly not the Marxist utopian bullshit that you probably believe it is. You can use google if you’d like a run down of the different shades of socialism, but in Canada, the easiest way to describe it is paying slightly higher taxes for real, tangible social benefits within a society that’s just as freedom loving as the US. For example, I pay a ~$400 premium a year for health insurance. I grew up in the Woo, and I wouldn’t trade the healthcare I now have away for anything that America can offer.

            Also, John stated facts. Not sure how that is indoctrination. Publicly funded programs are socialist programs, and American history was and will continue to be full of them. Yeoman farmers don’t exist anymore, sorry to break it to you. The question not whether or not socialism already exists in the US (IT DOES!!!!). it’s whether or not these programs that already use YOUR tax dollars will have real and beneficial impacts on citizens, impacts as small as fixing Worcester’s never ending pothole shitfest, or as complex as expanding universal healthcare.

          • Chris From Georgia
            January 5, 2016 at 5:25 pm

            Canadian, glad you moved to Canada. Now stay the fuck out of my country. FYI the definition of socialism is as follows: ” A way of organizing a society in which major industries are owned and controlled by the government rather than by individual people and companies.”

          • Canadian in an IceCats jersey
            January 6, 2016 at 11:20 am

            I’m just as American as you, buddy. I’d actually appreciate if you didn’t go all nativist in my hometown’s blog. Please stay in your subsidized shithole of a state (but keep giving TB those sweet sweet internet dollars).

            And you asked for my definition, not a Merriam-Webster definition. Turd.

          • Chris From Georgia
            January 6, 2016 at 3:36 pm

            Canadian not by a long shot buddy. Go back to school and learn something. You’re making a fool out of yourself here. Still waiting for your definition of socialism!

      • Wabbitt
        wabbitt
        January 5, 2016 at 10:52 pm

        Democratic socialist. Last time we elected one of those, we did it four times and put in term limits.

        • Canadian in an IceCats jersey
          January 6, 2016 at 11:27 am

          Strange. It’s almost as if his policies and ideals were overwhelmingly popular and successful.

  • Augustus Ceasar
    January 3, 2016 at 9:32 am

    Go burn your bra, Patrick.

  • Patrick
    January 3, 2016 at 9:18 am

    I am supposed by the sexism in this post, thinking women should go back to work 10 hours after giving birth is ridiculous.

    Typically I am fine with your post and there contrarian point of view, but sexism is not okay.

    • Bob3ny
      January 3, 2016 at 10:21 am

      there was no sexism. Re-read that section. Before posting a comment, go look in the mirror and realize what a fuckin idiot you are fist.

    • Young Conservative
      January 4, 2016 at 1:27 am

      You must’ve ripped your bong a little too hard before reading this blog. #DeadBrainCells

    • Chris Curtis
      January 4, 2016 at 4:24 am

      Since you’re really good at reading, you know that we clearly wrote that men should be able to work shortly after having a baby, not women. Reading is fun. It helps you form looking like a moron, as you do currently.

  • Ted
    January 3, 2016 at 7:30 am

    Parking between the designated lines and being pro-weed are mutually exclusive.

  • UnicornBoyeeeee
    January 3, 2016 at 3:49 am

    LOL that place was FILLED with lesbos! It was like an episode of “The L World” except they were all fat and crunchy.

  • Reddog
    January 3, 2016 at 1:32 am

    At the trump rally you would have been counting Tesla’s,not Prius or lezbaru’s.

  • Wwy
    January 3, 2016 at 1:31 am

    You should’ve called it the “polar dome” though.

  • Wwy
    January 3, 2016 at 1:22 am

    This is the funniest and best thing I’ve read on here,your good sometimes TB.

  • Gronkmonster
    January 3, 2016 at 12:52 am

    The city still stinks of hippy patchouli oil perfume and might not go away for weeks now..I am shocked you did not find more Marshall st stickers..Nothing screams hippy like some Frisbee golf and a prius

    Bernie sanders..The white Obama..Surely no one is dumb enough to go for 3 terms of this bullshit

    • Grow the sport
      January 4, 2016 at 12:16 am

      hey, keep disc golf out of this.

  • bird
    January 3, 2016 at 12:48 am

    Do any of these Americans drive American cars?

  • Shannon
    January 3, 2016 at 12:39 am

    Lots of typos. Edit your work before publishing. Rookie.

  • nagaga
    January 3, 2016 at 12:32 am

    as an atheist, i can say that there’s no easier way to look like a douchebag than sporting “i’m an atheist” accessories. It’s like, “lmao you go, teenager.”

    as a bernie supporter, this post is hilarious. but now i wait for the influx of poor-as-dirt yokles yelling “free stuff peddling communist” as if they’re forest-dwelling, self-reliant Rambos who don’t rely on Walmart to survive

  • Fillet O Fish
    January 3, 2016 at 12:22 am

    BLM is NOT backing Bernie, but rather they are attacking him and shouting him down. Little do they know, he’s their best friend. They SHOULD be backing him but they’re not!

    • Wabbitt
      wabbitt
      January 5, 2016 at 10:43 pm

      Well, these people aren’t the most thought out.

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