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There’s been a lot of talk about a “renaissance” in downtown Worcester because they put up a bunch of overpriced condos and a Jimmy John’s. Let’s check out what’s going on in the Woo at the intersection of Foster and Front Street right by Union Station.
Don’t worry though, the Woo Sox will fix all of this.
That intersection might be the worst light in Worcester. You could see at least 4-5 bum fights between green lights, and maybe if you’re lucky an episode of Junky Jams Remix. I’m pretty sure one of the chicks who was rolling around on the ground actually got into the black SUV and drove away. That’s how long the red light is. You have time to fight knobjob express and a bunch of her friends while waiting for the light to turn green.
The worst part about that video was the music. What the hell is wrong with music these days? Drake went and ruined hip-hop. I used to like hip-hop, but now it just sounds like some autotuned crackhead singing nursery rhymes.
I’ve watched that video 8-9 times and I still have no idea who’s on who’s team. All I know is the dude in the red jacket don’t play.
And I’m pretty sure he knocked out the flannel junkie lying in the left hand turn lane.
After that he kicks another guy in the face and tries to break up the inked up incubator ho’s pulling what’s left of the other one’s hair out of her roots.
Then the pumpkin spice chick comes over and tries to drag one guy out of there, while Phillip Seymour Slothman rises from the dead and starts doing the junkie crawl over to the center of the storm.
Then it turns into what appears to be a rugby scrum.
Except instead of fighting over a ball they’re all finna get that last crack rock.
At the end Slopqueef Sally notices something on the ground. What could it be? Her wallet? Phone? Library Card?
Turns out to be a hypodermic needle.
If this doesn’t scream “cultural renaissance” I don’t know what does. Obviously the city’s plan is going exactly how they hoped it would, as some of New England’s finest young professionals are rushing to downtown Worcester to take part in our vibrant nightlife scene.