Social Justice Warriors

You’ll Never Guess How Much Money Worcester Protesters Raised For Ferguson Looters Bail

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So last week we wrote about the protesters who were planning on having a fundraiser on January 3 to raise money for bail money for Ferguson rioters and looters. I shit you not, that is what they were raising money for. According to their Facebook page 217 people were going, and 57 people were “maybe” going. So it sounds like they could raise some serious cash to get these poor criminals out of jail. How much did they end up raising yesterday?

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Stop the fight!! These little McMuffins fixed racism!! With that $350 they’ll be able to hire a lawyer for one protester for an hour and half. This is historic people!! Clearly Turtleboy has been wrong in his attempts to paint the protesters as a bunch of overprivileged college students who would move onto a new fad in a couple weeks. These 217 people clearly mean business. That’s why they donated an average of $1.61 per person!! With that kind of money they could finally pay off the loch ness monster!!

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Oh yea, and there were some HOT anti-racist poetry takes from Worcester’s favorite professional protester Robert Blackwell-Gibbs last night too:

Take THAT racism!! I’m not gonna lie, that didn’t look like an audience of 217 people. Then of course we forgot to factor in the achilles heel of the protester – snow. It snowed yesterday. That and all the college kids went home to New Jersey for Christmas break. After all, most of them aren’t actually from Worcester:[corner-ad id=1]

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Imagine all the racism they would’ve fixed if it didn’t snow AND school was in session!! There would be no stopping them.

But it simply HAD to be 217 people. Right? Because no protester would EVER click “like” on Facebook and think they’d done their civic duty. No way. These people are committed to the cause and are gonna see it through. Everything they write, like, favorite, or retweet on the Internet is making a difference. These civil rights warriors are fixing society one hashtag at a time. Solidarity!!

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At first I thought they were joking when they were celebrating their MASSIVE haul from the fundraiser. Then I realized that 90% of these people are between the ages of 18 and 22. For them $350 is a shit ton of money. When I was 19 the mere thought of $350 gave me a little hashtag in my pants. Do you realize how many Keystone Lights you can buy with $350? ALL the Keystone Lights. And you might even have some cash left over for a dimebag too if you’re lucky. Never change protesters. Never change.

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15 Comment(s)
  • Trickilious
    March 26, 2015 at 10:46 am

    I just stumbled across this article and I’m LMFAO! Turtleboy you ROCK!! The FUNNIEST story I’ve EVER read!!! Keep up the good work!!

  • EATaGunTurtleBoySports
    January 6, 2015 at 9:49 pm

    I can’t get enough Turtleboy Sports. I think I hate it, but yet I keep reading and commenting. Hot takes!!

  • jeliene
    January 6, 2015 at 12:59 am

    I just think these kids needed something to do. I’d rather see them “Protesting” than doing drugs. Just wish they were more passionate about somthing a little more positive than bailing people out if jail. Like why not raise money to start a local program to educate youths not to attack armed officers. Just throwing that out there.

  • EATaGunTurtleBoySports
    January 5, 2015 at 9:36 pm

    Turtle boy sports, please consider taking your own life.

  • I'm a fag
    January 5, 2015 at 5:20 pm

    I love it in the poopshoot.

  • Love it in the ass
    January 5, 2015 at 3:41 pm

    I really enjoyed this blog.

  • turdleboy
    January 4, 2015 at 11:45 pm

    I would like to work for Turtleboy Sports. Do you need a coffee bitch? I promise I won’t unionize.

  • Finnish Goalie
    January 4, 2015 at 3:20 pm

    At least Bob didn’t threaten to sue.

  • Kim
    January 4, 2015 at 12:23 pm

    rape is a pretty harsh comparison to a blog dude

  • Bob
    January 4, 2015 at 12:16 pm

    Fuck you ‘turtleboy’ and your unfounded, self-righteous bullshit. You tear down innocent people for the simple pleasure of being a 12 year old child. Get a fucking life. You obviously have too much time on your hands.
    I know Fabian Glenn, he’s a nice guys, and 100 times the man you’ll ever be. What you’re doing here is defamation, and it’s unjust.
    You want to build a better community, then stop raping it’s members for your own benefit.

    • Brian Foll
      January 4, 2015 at 12:51 pm

      Oh dear god! Clearly you’re neither a spelling bee champ nor an attorney by your definition and example of “defamation.” There is a clear difference between financially ruining one’a livelihood, and pointing out the true mental midgets of society. Seriously I’m from Buffalo and I’m face palming over what you’re saying. I laugh at my own people on what they think justifies a lawsuit but your definition of defamation is pure comedy gold. Like seriously are you kidding me?!?!?! You’re defending a guy that advocates for financial assistance to those who look to target hardworking business owners, innocent law-a bidding citizens, and people who have simple general decency on those who believe in reasonable thinking. You sir, are the type of example me and Turtleboy use when we mess with eachother about what type of people our areas have. And you sir will be completely undefendable when I crack jokes about Massachusetts people the same way he has fun with me about Buffalo people. And you sir are about as defendable as your looters you’re trying to raise money for!

    • Finnish Goalie
      January 4, 2015 at 3:18 pm

      But this fundraiser wasn’t for the Worcester community in any way, so what are they doing themselves?

    • GoneWestButNotSoft
      January 4, 2015 at 8:12 pm

      Now we’re going to throw around the word rape? What exactly is he raping? Their 12 year old innocence?

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