God Always Tests His Chosen People In The Bible, Someday Turtleboy Jr. Will Watch The Turtleboy Live Halftime Show And Postgame Blarney Live And He Will Be Proud

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God Always Tests His Chosen People In The Bible, Someday Turtleboy Jr. Will Watch The Turtleboy Live Halftime Show And Postgame Blarney Live And He Will Be Proud

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Turtleboy feels bad for anyone who couldn’t see that greatest comeback in Super Bowl history coming from a mile away. Listen, God has to test us. He does it a million times in the Bible. Sometimes he just fucked with people like Abraham to see if they’d do something crazy like kill their own son for him. Other times he even told people like Peter that they were gonna deny him, and they STILL did it. But guess what? When God loves you more, he forgives you. He understands that you are human, and he made us all fallible. It’s what you learn from the experience that matters.

And Super Bowl 51 was the ultimate test from God. We’ve had to do some crazy things to win five Super Bowls, but we’ve never had a 25 point second half deficit, and a 19 point fourth quarter deficit to overcome. God wanted to see just how strong our faith was. Some in the mainstream Worcester media showed him how weak they were:

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But Walter Bird is a heathen. God does not love him. That’s why he banished him to be the editor of a shitty free magazine that no one reads. This is the same magazine that tried saying Joe Petty didn’t call all those protesters morons. God doesn’t love Worcester Magazine, but he does love Patriots, Turtleboy and faithful turtle riders.

Even at the Turtleboy viewing party several we had to fire several employees:

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Look, with social media, everything you say will follow you around the rest of your life. That’s why we insisted on documenting the most legendary comeback in Super Bowl history with the most legendary halftime pump up speech of all time on Turtleboy Super Bowl Live. If this didn’t make you believe, then it’s hard to say that you were ever one of us to begin with:

 

Here’s the final two minutes as seen at the Turtleboy viewing party:

And here’s the postgame press conference and the first ever episode of Blarney Live:

Like I said, the Internet is forever, and you don’t wanna pull a Walter Bird. I understand if you did, and we accept you back with open arms. Just learn from it and don’t let it happen again. Turtleboy Jr. and Turtle Princess both fell asleep at the viewing party around 10. But like any loving parent would do, Mrs. Turtleboy and I had to wake them up for the game tying score, two point conversion, and legendary overtime finish. Because we wanted them to witness history. I remember being five or six years old and Grandpa Turtleboy woke me up out of my turtle slumber to watch the Berlin Wall came down. I hated him at the time, but today I love him for it. It meant nothing to me in 89, but it means the world to me today. And someday, Turtleboy Jr. and Turtle Princess will do the same.

Like I said, the Internet is forever, and you don’t wanna pull a Walter Bird. I understand if you did, and we accept you back with open arms. Just learn from it and don’t let it happen again. Either way, we just wanted to have this on record that we NEVER doubted this team, and we have the time stamped tweets and Facebook posts to prove it.

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Never forget people – God loves us more. We deserved that. It was our destiny. Roger Goodell tried his best to stop us, but at the end of the day good will always overcome evil. God bless you all. We still love you.

 

 

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Discussion

  1. TB Unofficial Customer Service


    All hail our savior, Tom Brady, and his apostles Edelman, Amendola, Bennett, Hogan, and White. Amen.

  2. Lightning bug


    I hate football, but watched the whole game anyway. It was amazing.
    And lots of firsts, and I think I have firsties on this thread.

    1. Lightning bug


      damn it, secondies.
      Don’t forget how much that Gronk clown helped. He was in a commercial you know.

  3. Talisman


    The most badass football game ever. Hail Patriots. Fuck off Goodell.

    1. Talisman


      And an even bigger FUCK OFF to all those who politicize a damn football game. Shaun King, Bill Maher, et al flapping their cock smoochers got owned last night. This game was even better than watching Cam Newton and the Unapologetic Black Panthers losing last year. I guess the new SJW football model is, players can’t be players and teams can’t be teams anymore without some other non-football agenda being promoted.

      Way to go liberals, you drew a line and the Patriots rolled it up and stuffed it in your ass for you.

  4. BobnMic


    Halle-fucking-lujah TB.

    1. BobnMic


  5. U r an idiot


    My god that awful sounding voice. Wow you are total white trash. Turtle jr must be so proud of you.

  6. Chris From Georgia


    Had a Superbowl Victory party at my home in Atlanta. For almost 4 quarters I had to endure those Falcon fans but when the Pats scored in overtime, the look on their faces PRICELSS!!!

    1. Talisman


      I bet that was a brutal few hours you had to endure. I hope you really hammered em on their way out…Fuck the Falcons…

    2. BobnMic


      In addition Chris make them pay for all of the booze… Hehe. Or at least the pizza.

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