Bone Ride

10 Best And Worst High School Mascots In Massachusetts

Want to have your business advert seen by over 500,000 people per month? Email us at [email protected] for more information, and check out our website about types of advertising we offer.

Follow us on Twitter and like us on Facebook

 

 

Did your high school mascot suck? More than likely if you grew up in Massachusetts your school’s mascot was some cliche, bullshit that some unimaginative business school dropout came up with. There are 17 schools that call themselves the Warriors, 16 for the Panthers, 14 Tigers and Eagles, 12 Bulldogs and Wildcats, 10 Indians and Rams, and a whole bunch of Red Raiders, Vikings, Blue Devils, Crusaders, Cougars, Mustangs, Spartans, Falcons, and Lions. Those names all suck, but they could be worse. Here are Turtleboy’s Top 10 best and worst mascots in the Bay State.

Best

10. Westford Grey Ghosts

WA_Logo

 

No one is scared of people from Westford, but everyone is scared of ghosts. Particularly grey ghosts.

 

9. Gloucester Fishermen

GloucesterSupahFan

I like a mascot that’s authentic to the area it represents. While every other high school in this state was saying, “fuck it, let’s just call ourselves the Tigers” the good people of Gloucester chose the only profession you are allowed to have if you grow up in Gloucester. I used to think being a fisherman meant drinking a lot of beer and sitting around all day. Then I saw The Perfect Storm and I realize it’s a pretty badass mascot.

 

 

8. Worcester North Polar Bears

im7pa (1)

I like it because it’s unique. Polar Bears would destroy any other bear in a fight. A Polar Bear takes what it wants, whenever the hell it want to take it.

7. Tahanto Stags

download (79)

The word “stag” just wreaks of masculinity. If you’re a hot shot from Tahanto Regional trying to pick up chicks from Shrewsbury, just imagine the sex appeal you immediately have when you tell them you’re a Stag. I kind of wish I went to Tahanto now.

6. Salem Witches

SupahFanSALEM22-250x250

I couldn’t decide if I loved this name or hated it. No one likes witches. They’re disgusting looking and they have terrible breath. Probably. Some towns would bow their heads in shame because their entire history revolves around organized killings of innocent women. Not Salem though. They embrace the senseless murders and group hysteria.

 

 

5. Duxbury Dragons

1350049964__duxdragjpg

You know what beats a dragon in a fight? Absolutely nothing.

 

 

4. Marblehead Magicians

marblehead

How can you beat a magician in anything? They have magic. Game over.

 

 

3. North Attleborough Rocketeers

071213blog-rocketeeers-100274813-orig

All I can think of when I heard this name was one of the greatest movies from my childhood – The Rocketeer. If I watched it again today I’d probably realize that it was in fact a terrible movie, because I made that same mistake with Independence Day.

 

 

2. Springfield Sci-Tech Cybercats

44975_290305_1424_K12_GENERIC_-423187313__v1

I don’t know what a cybercat is. Is it a cougar you find in a 40+ dating site? Is it an online predator who gives you computer viruses? Doesn’t matter, because it strikes the fear of God in me when it comes off the tongue. Plus this school incorporates science, technology, and Springfield into the same name. All of which scare the shit out of normal people. 

1. Lenox Millionaires

lenox_high_school

No school in the state could possibly have more swag than the Lenox Millionaires. Oh you beat us in Lacrosse? Guess we’ll just go buy another summer home in the Berkshires. Sucks to be poor. Hippies.

Worst

10. Auburn Dandies

mghYfwXCkPrhX9Y_YsQ0m7Q

You might know them as the Auburn Rockets, but they will always be the Dandies to me. Auburn High School changed its name from the Dandies back in 92 when it became the new slang for a gay man, as opposed to the well-dressed and sophisticated playboy. I say fuck the Rockets, bring back the Dandies!!!

9. Woburn and Peabody Tanners

ma-mapvmhs-letter-150

If your city’s history revolves around taking dead animal carcasses and turning them into leather products, you probably should just call yourselves the Warriors.

 

 

8. Greater Lawrence Tech Reggies

45054_1372843_5176_K12_GENERIC_1765093__v3

Picture the fear in your opponents when they have to play Greater Lawrence Tech in a something. “Oh shit, the Reggies are coming to town today!! Hide yo kids, hide you wife, cuz the Reggies are raping everyone up in here.”

 

 

7. Haverhill Hillies

ma-mahhs2-letter-150

I hate this name because of the pure lazyness involved in making it. You can’t just take the second half of your city’s name and add “ies” to it. That’s just lazy. That’s like playing the Fitchburg Burgies. Plus their choice of school colors was St. Bonaventure-style poop. Not a good look for anyone.

6. Millbury Woolies

The Woolie Mascot Visits Mrs. Griffith's Class

You named your school after the bi-product of sheep? The most defenseless, eatable organism in the animal kingdom. Why not just name your them the Millbury Chicken Feathers?

 

 

5. Clinton Gaels

GAEL

I had to look up what a Gael is. Appaently it’s someone who speaks Gaelic. But unlike the Notre Dame Fighting Irish, whose mascot will kick the shit out of you, all a Gael does is regale you with stories about the time he got black out drunk and turned into a half-horse.

 

 

4. Ashland Clockers

kqyuy9zexanlw08utfdc_400x400

Yup. Ashland High School’s mascot is named after a Goddamn clock. I understand the historical aspect of this, and I assume they made a lot of clocks back in the day in Ashland. But the Boston Marathon goes through Ashland. Wouldn’t something involving the world’s most famous marathon be a lot cooler than naming your school after some underpaid immigrant who made pocket watches. 

3. Holy Name Napoleons

HolyName_masthead_NEW

Is there a bigger dooshnozzle in world history than Napoleon? His name has become synonymous with short, angry men who are sick of watching taller dudes nail their ex-girlfriends. Oh yea, and he invaded Russia in the winter and ended up getting banished to island. And we name high schools after him in Worcester. I guess it’s a fitting name for a school where you send your asshole kid to keep him away from evil public school kids, because you’re still in denial about your kid being an asshole. 

2. Sutton Suzies/Sammies

Droid

If your mascots isn’t gender neutral, then you have a shitty mascot. And could you possibly pick less intimidating names than “Suzies” and “Sammies?” It sounds like two kids who met at the sock hop and went out for milkshakes. 

1. Agawam Brownies 

lOGO

Oh snap, the Brownies are coming!!! I assumed their mascot was a pair of soiled underpants from someone who just ate a bunch of Big E fried dough. Turns out they just found a more creative way to call themselves the Indians.

Honorable mentions: Arlington Spy Ponders, Braintree Wamps, Quincy Presidents, Doherty Highlanders, Charlstown Townies, Bristol-Plymouth Tech Craftsmen.

Did we miss any? Leave it in the comments if we did.

Want to have your business advert seen by over 500,000 people per month? Email us at [email protected] for more information, and check out our website about types of advertising we offer.

Follow us on Twitter and like us on Facebook

 

47 Comment(s)
  • Dr. Jimbo
    October 21, 2019 at 11:55 pm

    Got you all beat.

    I’m from the former hick town turned yuppie magnet. Norton.
    It was ratchetish for a small town in the 80s-90s, rivaling the HS dropout rates of local dumps Taunton & Attleboro until some of the jitbags moved there instead. Or to Pawtucket/CF, or Brockton 10 miles away.
    The town must have a history of jousting, because the LANCERS are Norton:
    dressed in deep paladin purple and ready to prick the boil of any circus elephant or that fupawoke arsonist from nearby racebait academy Wheaton College.

  • chrissy
    October 11, 2017 at 8:08 am

    these school mascot blogs always have me lmao

  • damn
    May 14, 2017 at 2:53 am

    Keefe Tech Unicorns

    • BJG
      January 10, 2018 at 9:15 am

      They ditched that in the last 10 years, are now the Broncos…were already the same colors as the Denver Broncos and ripped off their logo

  • Al
    June 22, 2015 at 11:00 am

    Clinton Gaels are awesome.

    Nuff said.

  • Jane
    June 5, 2015 at 1:13 pm

    Springfield Putnam High School Beavers… enough said

  • Ally
    June 3, 2015 at 11:15 am

    Amherst Hurricanes….what is a hurricane? Where did that come from? there is no mascot.

  • Nanny
    June 2, 2015 at 8:37 pm

    When I went there, we sure put the “high” in Highlanders.

  • June 2, 2015 at 10:19 am

    In Sutton I have heard buzz that people want to change it to “the generals” instead of the sammies and suzies, which I like. It is probably a reference to General Putnam, a famous general in the civil war, and there is even a major road in his name in Sutton!

  • Dracis
    June 2, 2015 at 1:16 am

    Springfield is on a good list for once? Holy Shit!
    Salem is certainly not afraid of their Witchy history the patch of the Salem Police Department has a witch in the center lol

    • Danus
      June 2, 2015 at 9:08 am

      Embrace the marketing

  • matt
    June 1, 2015 at 9:00 pm

    Hopkinton Hillers?

  • Jean Popik
    JJ
    June 1, 2015 at 3:24 pm

    What if every town looked to their past for mascot inspirations — the Leominster Blue Devils could have been the Leominster Appleseeds or the Leominster Polymers!

    • Wabbitt
      wabbitt
      June 1, 2015 at 8:42 pm

      Or the Gardner Chairs.

  • Rebel Alumni
    June 1, 2015 at 3:15 pm

    Notre Dame Academy Rebels…I wore the name with pride, but it always seemed an odd choice for an all-girl, private, Catholic high school!

    • TurtleBoySpurts
      June 2, 2015 at 8:40 am

      I don’t think it’s at all an odd choice, given the Notre Dame girls I remember.

      • Finnish Goalie
        June 2, 2015 at 9:03 am

        In the midnight hour……

        • Ser Davos Seaworth
          June 3, 2015 at 8:05 pm

          She cried, “Carlo, go to fucking bed!”

  • LOL! Mascots... GO PATRIOTSD
    June 1, 2015 at 1:04 pm

    WTF is a Wamp!?

    • June 10, 2016 at 10:26 am

      It is derived from the Massachusetts Indian Nation Chief Sachem of the Wampnoag tribe who was known as “Wampatuck,” meaning “White Deer”. Under periodic pressure to change the name but most do not see it as offensive…

  • Should have done a little more research
    June 1, 2015 at 10:46 am

    A wollie is another name for a wool-producing sheep, not the by-product from the sheep. Seeing how Millbury historically was a mill town, they used it as the mascot. Though, it still has a hard time striking fear in the school’s opponents with such a gentle creature.

  • Jean Popik
    Summergal
    June 1, 2015 at 10:09 am

    The Oakmont Spartans were once known as the Oakmont Chipmunks. Glad someone smartened up!

  • Black
    June 1, 2015 at 9:36 am

    I love the fact that Carlos gets SO bothered by this blog and shows is blatant immaturity on a daily basis.
    Keep up the good work Turtle Boy Sports!!

  • but seriously
    June 1, 2015 at 9:27 am

    Also if I hear the Tanners are coming I imagine the cast of Full House showing up in a van

  • Finnish Goalie
    June 1, 2015 at 7:59 am

    “What’s a WOOLIE?!!”

    • Finnish Goalie
      June 1, 2015 at 7:59 am

      Clap clap clapclapclap

  • TurtleBoySpurts
    June 1, 2015 at 7:30 am

    Don’t forget the TBS mascot, the Turtle Fucker. You know, the dude who likes turtle boys ports.

    • WormtownorBust
      June 1, 2015 at 8:46 am

      Hi Carlo.

      • TurtleBoySpurts
        June 1, 2015 at 9:34 am

        Hahahaha… Wrong. Guess again, Stevie Hambone.

        • RSoxGuy
          June 1, 2015 at 4:39 pm

          Carlo is up from his mid after noon nap to troll us again? ZZzzzzzzzzzzzz

  • Tim
    June 1, 2015 at 6:57 am

    You missed the Mahar Regional Senator’s.

  • Jafreese
    June 1, 2015 at 6:16 am

    Best thing about the Salem mascot is every few years someone pipes up and says the witch is a religious figure and should be changed. But the city refuses.

  • Audrey
    June 1, 2015 at 6:12 am

    I’m a little surprised that Wachusett’s barefoot, rifle slinging, hillbilly ‘Mountaineer’ did not make this list.

    • oneopinion
      hanginpossum
      June 1, 2015 at 6:59 pm

      I was also watching for that one. It was almost like the school saying “yeah, we are hicks” just so kids on the other team couldnt say it first.

      The Dandies was so bad it could still be number one on the list. I was surprised that they chose Rockets as their new name. I mean, its not as bad as if they went from Dandies to Pirates but if they were trying to get away from slang words then they shouldnt have gone from lifestyle to anatomy.

  • Ser Davos Seaworth
    June 1, 2015 at 5:16 am

    North Middlesex girls teams up until the mid-90s were the Liberty Belles. I actually still wish this were true.

    • Charlie
      June 1, 2015 at 9:05 am

      I like that, too bad some whiny PITA thought it was sexist or some such thing.

      The only thing we ever played NMRHS in was football, so the girls’ teams (at least that I remember) ever crossed paths.

      • Ser Davos Seaworth
        June 1, 2015 at 6:08 pm

        One newspaper which will not be mentioned removed all the “Lady” titles from nicknames in sports coverage around this time, too…. for example, Oxford calls its female teams the Lady Pirates; if Oxford played this paper’s teams, they would just be called the Pirates.

        The editor at the time said, “You don’t call the male teams the Male Pirates, so why would you say Lady?”

    • Shireen Baratheon
      June 4, 2015 at 5:10 pm

      I agree. “Belles” is an innocent play on words (not like lazily attaching “Lady” to a name) so I don’t see any reason, other than if the school’s athletes did not like it, that it shouldn’t still be used.

      Ah, well.

  • Whattacrock!
    June 1, 2015 at 5:04 am

    South High Colonel once carried a couple of six-shooters. Then kids started carrying weapons so the colonel was disarmed.

    • A Guy
      June 1, 2015 at 5:20 pm

      Yeah while I was there the school replaced the six-shooters with a pencil and a notebook… because that’s how they settled matters back in the old west

    • Wabbitt
      wabbitt
      June 1, 2015 at 8:38 pm

      Are you shitting me? They disarmed the Colonel?

      Christ, he was already lame enough to begin with.

      • Wabbitt
        wabbitt
        June 2, 2015 at 1:14 am

        I’m going to guess that the person who down voted me is a fellow South High alum. Which is ridiculous, because nobody knows how lame the Colonel is like someone who spent four years in that walless Hell hole.

  • Charlie
    June 1, 2015 at 1:26 am

    Actually, the Gael, as explained to me, is the Irish equivalent to the centaur, hence the half-man, half-horse mascot. And like the centaur, the gael was swift and a fierce fighter.

  • JJ
    May 31, 2015 at 11:56 pm

    Furthermore, any school on the worst 10 should immediately petition to change the name. Except for Ashland, it takes balls to be named like a clock.

    • Mousy
      June 1, 2015 at 9:25 am

      Well, one of them DID change their name – 23 year ago. Way to be current, TB.

Comment on this Post

*

RELATED POSTS
The Big E: Cesspool Of Morons With Infomercials, Fried Dough, And Goat Shit
Mr. And Mrs. Turtleboy Investigate Best Apple Picking In Massachusetts At Tougas Farm Northboro
Leominster Dad Makes Hilarious Vine Compilation Video From Three Months of Saturday Mornings With Kids, Morons Predictably Outraged