Turtleboy Investigates

12 Best Comments About The Dumpiest Towns In Massachusetts Blog

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Our blog on the 21 towns and cities in Massachusetts has rubbed some people the wrong way. Huge surprise. Some people are saying we should be more positive and write a blog about the best towns in Massachusetts. First of all, we’re going to do that too. Secondly, guess which one is gonna have more page views? Negativity sells. Even if you hated the blog and it drove you nuts, you clicked on it anyway because you knew your crap-happy town would be on there and you couldn’t resist. If you read it, then you’re part of the problem.  With that said, here are the 12 best comments from the 21 Dumpiest Towns blog.

12. And the few pictures of the 2 houses posted from Athol are right next to each other. Nice “reporting” champ. You drive down Main St and see 2 shitty houses, one from some ass who has clearly gone off the deep end after spray painting his house and signs on his front lawn..and you call it a day? Did you bother going down any of the sidestreets off of Main St? You weren’t compelled to take picture of the common uptown on even downtown Athol? NOOOOOO…..Cuz that would show Athol as a decent town…you were out ONLY looking for scum.

You mean, we were only looking for the scummy parts of town while preparing a blog about the biggest dumps in Massachusetts? Yea, I guess we should’ve looked for the good parts. Because that would’ve made TONS of sense. And you’re telling me that this house being on Main Street in Athol

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shouldn’t be counted when we put our dumpiest towns blog together? Perhaps we should’ve just given the town of Athol a mulligan for the fact that this lovely establishment is one of the first things you see when you head down Route 2. Newsflash – there isn’t a single house in Worcester that looks like this. Not one. You live in Athol man, at least have a sense of humor about it.

 

11. You dear sir are an obvious idiot. Maybe next time you come up this way maybe bring a positive attitude and you might just see all the beauty you obviously missed. My name is Teresa and im proud to live in Adams.

I love you Teresa, but it’s OK to admit that your town could use some sprucing up. And in our defense, we sent someone up there to check out North Adams and Hawley, which were supposed to make the list. They insisted that Charlemont and Adams were more crappy and photographic evidence proves it.

11179964_1572048929745051_5713634746757844020_n (1)

That house is on Main Street. For some reason it is decorated in dirty sheets and broken down grills. It’s OK to admit that this the many homes in Adams that look like this are an eyesore.

 

10. I went to Webster once………but it was closed

Boom. Roasted.

 

9. Both of these comments deal with the magical city of Fitchburg:

Congratulations to my hometown of Fitchburg for a respectable 7th place finish, only falling behind such powerhouse dumps as Springfield, Holyoke, Brockton, and Lawrence. Keep shooting for the top spot!

No one is defending Fitchburg?

LOL, I fucking love Fitchburg. At least people there have a sense of humor. Is Fitchburg a dump? Yup. Do people there admit it? Yup. God bless you Fitchburg.

 

 

 

8. Hey Bill, isn’t that your van in ware?

That time when your orange Uncle Rico rape van was featured on Turtleboy Sports. Legends never die.

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7. Southbridge is fine and as a matter of fact Russell Harrington you took a photo of is still employing many residents of Southbridge and making the finest knives you can buy. I love my town. I notice you didn’t picture any of truly beautiful areas of my town. You may want to try getting your head out of your ass.

Good point. Sure Southbridge has crazy amounts of poverty, crime, drug dealers, and buildings that look like this:

11159954_1573610392922238_865019835726539284_n (1)

But at least the few people who actually graduate from high school in Southbridge can rest easy knowing there is a job at the knife factory down the street. You too could make a knife that can be used for carving up a turkey, or stabbing your neighbor over a drug dispute!!

 

6. Seriously, quite a bit of ignorance in this “opinion piece”…In regards to the “trash park” in Lowell, that picture was obviously taken after the snow melted. They were dumping the excess snow there, you gotta give sum time for clean up…The person whom is responsible for this editorial is obviously a spoon fed rich b#tch, snob,raised in a town off one of these cities.

Here’s the picture they are referring to:

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So let me get this straight. Lowell has a park that the use as a landfill in the fall. Then in the winter all the excess snow in Lowell gets dumped on the landfill, and once the spring comes around and the snow melts, they clean it all the six month old wet trash and it becomes a family friendly park? Yea, that sounds like a normal way to run a city. Anyone who finds this to be odd is obviously a “spoon fed rich bitch snob.”

 

5. With a name like turtleboy, you are a young child who still lives a home. Do your research, go to these places you insult FIRST before you give an opinion of places you have NEVER been. tsk tsk…
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Holyoke,_Massachusetts

Ummmmm, we DID go to all these places. You might notice the five million pictures on the blog. I really have no idea what the hell this person is talking about, but I never want it to end. The best part is that they’re from Holyoke and they’re telling us to “research” their city. So what do they do? Toss up a link to Holyoke’s Wikipedia page. Because I never would’ve thought to do that. Here’s my favorite excerpt from the Holyoke Wikipedia page:

The retail sector has been a major employer since the construction of the Holyoke Mall, one of the largest shopping malls in New England, in 1979. Retail has provided the city with a large and steady tax base, contributing over $7 million in taxes annually. 

Your entire economy revolves around the Holyoke Mall. I rest my case.

 

4. Worcester is a shithole. And I’m seven.
-Alexis

Alright that one was pretty good.

 

3. I just informed my neighbor he’s being featured on your page. Let’s just say he’s less than happy. Remove the picture of the apartments on East St or I will have it removed. Thanks much!

I have no idea what town or city this lady is speaking of, but if your neighbor’s house made the list, your beef should be with him, not Turtleboy. We’re not the ones fucking up your property value. Do you understand how hard it is to have your house featured on Turtleboy Sports? You have to go out of your way to earn that. Oh yea, and I laughed out loud when she told us to remove the comment or she’d have it removed. Love it. I don’t know if that qualifies as an imaginary lawsuit, but it’s close enough. We haven’t had one of those in a while, and quite frankly I feel like we’re losing our touch. Back in the Big E days we used to get these all the time. It made me think of a brilliant idea – we need to invent an app that plays the song they play on the Price is Right when you’re told to “come on down” every time someone threatens an imaginary lawsuit. On that note, here is Jesse Pinkman from Breaking Bad being told to “come on down,” going insane, and finally overbidding on the Showcase Showdown by $100, all before anyone had any idea who Jesse Pinkman was:

 

2. Did you know that maintenance and custodial staff in Worcester schools need to have firearms permit (true fact)? Not Webster. I’ve lived in Worcester and now I own a home in Webster and I’ll tell you this… it’s a total 360 difference.

Oh shit for real? No wonder I can’t get a job as a janitor in the Worcester Public Schools!! I don’t even own a gun!! I don’t know if this is really a requirement of being employed in the WPS but if a guy on the Internet said it then it must be pretty official. And everyone knows there are NEVER any shootings in Webster. Especially people shooting at the police. Never.

 

1. This is pretty messed up considering this is my old house that burnt down. And where exactly are you from? It doesn’t matter what you think honestly, regardless you sound extremely inconsiderate talking shit about where someone else lives when you have no fucking idea what they’ve been through. Faggot. Leave my girl alone prick. So go die in a fucking hole you ignorant fuck.

Love it. So much fantastic hate. I would expect nothing less from the Kingdom of Ware. Look, I’m sorry your house burned down, that really sucks. But at the end of the day, the fact is that when you drive through Ware this is what you see:

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Does it suck? Yup. But we just find it difficult to imagine driving down Main Street in Northborough and seeing this. I felt kind of bad at first, until she started calling us “faggots.” It was game on at that point. So we did a little research on this fire. Turns out the girl who left this message with us on Facebook didn’t actually live there. Oh yea, and the girl is claiming it was her house that burned down. Turns out they were renting. She also said her family almost died in the fire. But according to the news release we discovered about the house, it was two women living there together. Here’s what we found out:

Everybody had been evacuated out. We did have to rescue several dozen animals. [They all made it out?] All made it out.

Of course there were several dozen animals in the house. Because, of course there were. I can’t imagine a house in Ware that doesn’t look like a broken down version of Noah’s Ark. Anyway, what caused the fire?

The fire marshal on-scene said smoking led to the blaze breaking out. “Fire started right here in this corner. The fire marshal has already investigated it and has determined it was careless disposal of smoking materials.”
Cigarettes huh? Never saw that one coming.

The renter disagrees,They’re saying a cigarette, but I really don’t believe that> I mean it was 3 a.m. Cigarette butt takes two minutes to go out. We had a birthday here yesterday and he was telling me it was the garbage bags from the party.”

Yea, I’m sure the fire marshall got it wrong. Clearly the leftover bags of birthday party trash spontaneously burst into flames. That happens all the time in Ware. Maybe the pet aardvark lit it on fire.

Anyway, blogs like the dumpiest town blog are supposed to be fun. It’s a joke people – lighten up. Or don’t. It’s actually more amusing when you leave comments like this.

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17 Comment(s)
  • Worcester to Webster
    May 1, 2015 at 11:31 am

    Those comments are nothing compared to the comments onthe Webster Forums about this. Two people actually got into a full blown argument, one for, one against Turtleboy. Of course the one against was a Clark Graduate and his Mommy. Webster has it’s problems. One of the pictures was taken a block from my house, but my area is a totally different look. Every town looks good in some places, bad in others. It was a joke… I love Webster compared to Worcester, but the Woo is where I grew up!

  • Devils Mouthpiece
    April 27, 2015 at 7:01 am

    Those Aardvarks will get you every time. Just last week I caught one trying to burn down my shed. Bastards!!!

  • Frogshit
    April 27, 2015 at 5:38 am

    I’m laughin’ out loud!

  • Yes
    April 26, 2015 at 9:58 pm

    Central MA is one big black hole of depression, hopelessness, irrelevance and despair. Central MA isn’t even where dreams go to die, because dreams don’t even know where it is.

    • Finnish Goalie
      April 26, 2015 at 11:16 pm

    • Bobnmic
      April 27, 2015 at 1:38 am

      ^ Wow Yes you’re such a NO! Fucking move out if you hate it so much my God.

      • Yes
        April 27, 2015 at 4:09 pm

        LOL! You think I would ever live there? How laughable. I do not, have never, nor will I ever live in Central MA. I mean, I have dignity and standards. And self-respect.

        Tell me more about how much of a NO I am though, you got me so good!

        I own you Bobby.

        • BobnMic
          April 29, 2015 at 6:19 pm

          You got me back better! Wow I am so butthurt. I think I got drain bamage!

        • Areyouserious?
          May 1, 2015 at 11:09 am

          Yes: ” LOL! You think I would ever live there? How laughable. I do not, have never, nor will I ever live in Central MA. I mean, I have dignity and standards. And self-respect.”

          Yet you troll a blog dedicated entirely to Central MA? That makes sense. I always read stuff about places I have no interest in. And yet you make no mention of where you DO live. Please enlighten us.

  • Danielle
    April 26, 2015 at 7:59 pm

    My phone once corrected “Fitchburg” to “Cockburn”. Best autocorrect ever.

  • Shawn
    April 26, 2015 at 7:56 pm

    you still got it wrong about Lowell! They didn’t trash the park and then cover it with snow!!! The city is such a dump, that during snow removal they picked up all that garbage that was under the snow throughout the whole city, and dumped the trash and snow simultaneously! They trash the city and wait for the plows to remove the trash! They need plows for trash pickup! Lmbo!!!!

  • marie
    April 26, 2015 at 7:37 pm

    I just want to say how ironic it is that when referring to the burnt down house on main st, you said you wouldn’t see that in Northboro. I’m from Northboro and it is a beautiful town, but there was not 1, but 2 burnt down houses on main st when I was in high school (late 90’s).

  • Space
    April 26, 2015 at 7:01 pm

    WPS janitors do not need a FID or LTC to hold the position.

  • Taryn
    April 26, 2015 at 7:00 pm

    Um, Mr. Webster? 360 degrees means you’re at the exactly same point you started.

  • Factman
    April 26, 2015 at 6:55 pm

    The politically correct name for that van is “Bang Bus”. Rape Van is so 80’s.

  • Sam Burnside
    April 26, 2015 at 6:53 pm

    It’s a joke, not a dick. Don’t take it so hard.

  • Box Cutter Diaries
    April 26, 2015 at 6:40 pm

    So many internet lawyers.

    But speaking of shitholes… I wonder how baby gangsters prison wallet is holding up

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