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20 Most Offensive Street Names In Worcester That Hippies Demand Must Be Changed

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The other day we wrote a blog about the hippies starting a petition to Mayor Petty to have Plantation Street’s name changed because it’s offensive. Because of slavery of course. Sure, this hilarious “petition” ignores the fact that Plantation Street is named after Quinsigamond Plantation, a place where whites and Native Americans coexisted in peace and harmony. But sometimes it’s just more fun to be a hippie because it requires less thinking. On that note, we’re gonna get into the mind of a hippie for a blog and we’ve put together a list of 20 Worcester streets that we DEMAND the city change the names of because we find them offensive. We’ve also included new street names we “recommend” but we all know that’s just hippie talk for “demand.”

20. Mann Street

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Mann Street? Where’s Womann Street? Oh yea, it doesn’t exist. Sounds pretty sexist to me.

New name: Transgender Street

 

19. Short Street

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Short is such an insensitive term. Imagine the long term damage this does to the vertically inclined. For shame Joe Petty, for shame.

New name: Fun For All Sizes Way

 

18. Lee Street

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Lee Street? As in Robert E. Lee? Sure there’s millions of other people with that same last name that it could be named after. But the fact of the matter is that the most famous confederate general had that surname. Therefore it’s offensive.

New name: Harper Lee Street

 

17. Farm Street

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Seriously? Farm Street? Ummmm, open up a history book you racist bastards. Farms are just another word for plantations. Might as well call this Ku Klux Klan street. SHM.

New name: Reparations Street

 

16. Whipple Street

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What are the first four letters of Whipple Street? Oh yea, Whip. And not the cool new dance moves that all the kids are doing either. It’s the racist kind of whip from the 1800’s. This offends me as the descendent of European immigrants.

New name: Nat Turner Road

 

15. Pilgrim Ave

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Try to be more offensive to Native Americans. You can’t. The Pilgrims showed up over here with their fancy hats and thought they could smooth it all over by inviting the Natives over for some turkey and cranberry sauce. But we know they were just racist imperialists bent on world conquest.

New name: White Devil Invaders Road

 

14. Clapp Street

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Why not just call it AIDS Street? Or Herpes Street? Do you understand how offensive this is to the prostitute community in Worcester?

New name: Needle Exchange Terrace.

 

13. Butler Street

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Hey, I saw The Butler last month when it came out on Netflix. That shit was pretty racist. Forest Whittaker is rich and famous and he couldn’t even get a promotion after 30 years of service.

New name: Chief Diversity Officer Passageway

 

12. Lois Lane

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Lois Lane is an imaginary damsel in distress who needed to be saved by a strong, sexist man. Real men wear hipster glasses, skinny jeans, and shop at Whole Foods. Lois Lane perpetuates the myth that women are weak and NEED a man to save them. This offends me as a feminist.

New name: Beyonce Lane

 

11. Oriental Street

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Excuse you? The pre-approved hippie way to say it is “Asian-American.” Oh I’m sorry, was Super Chinese Buffet Street already taken? Get out my face with this anti-Asian jive.

New name: Connie Chung Parkway

 

10. Fruit Street

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Homophobic much? You could’ve picked any fruit – pear, apple, plum, peach – but instead you just called it “fruit.” I see what you did there Joe Petty. Do the right thing and change this offensive street name before we start another online petition.

New name: Fabulous Street

 

9. Warden Street

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Warden Street? Seriously? Haven’t you people been reading Gordon Davis’ literature that he’s been passing out at all the DOJ meetings? Ever heard of the “school to prison pipeline?” No? Well you should, because it’s pretty racist. You’re not allowed to suspend kids from school, particularly if they are not white, because you inadvertently are sentencing them to life in prison.

New name: Probation Road

 

8. Gingerbread Trail

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Can you imagine what this does to poor little red headed children every time they see it? Do you enjoy making little kids cry Joe Petty? Be better than this.

New name: Ed Sheeran Trail

 

7. Mount Vernon Street

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What the fuck?? Hey you insensitive bastards, try opening up a history book. Mount Vernon was George Washington’s home and he owned slaves. It was like the ultimate plantation.

New name: Underground Railroad Terrace

 

6. Indian Hill Road

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Did you idiots not get the memo? They’re called Native Americans. Christopher Columbus only called them Indians because he was overcome with white privilege and institutional racism. There’s also a shitload of streets off of this street named after Native American tribes. Newsflash – you’re not allowed to name ANYTHING after Native Americas. Just ask Daniel Snyder.

New name: Deport White Devils Avenue

 

5. Wall Street 

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Did you insensitive dooshnozzles forget about our two week campout we did back in 2011? I guarantee the 1% hasn’t forgotten about our facializing chants. All these white privileged people on Wall Street in Worcester need to get the same wake up call.

New name: Occupy Wall Street

 

4. Alamo Street

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Quick history lesson – everyone who fought at the Alamo was a huge racist. The war with Mexico was nothing more than a land grab by pro-slavery imperialists to extend slavery to the West. I wish Mexico won.

New name: Santa Anna Boulevard

 

3. Dick Drive

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Try to come up with a street name that is more offensive to the lesbian community. You can’t. Might as well call it Cisgender Heterosexual Privilege.

New name: Scissor Street

 

2. White Avenue

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You might as well call this street “White lives matter.” I’ve never seen anything so blatantly offensive. We demand that this racist street be renamed or else we will block it. Good luck getting to St. Nicholas Ave.

New name: Mosaic Cultural Ave

 

1. Martin Luther King Jr. Boulevard

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As a hippie I can say with certainty that Martin Luther King Jr. was an Uncle Tom. He spoke about being color-blind, and judging people by the content of their character rather than the color of their skin. Hey MLK, what grade did you get in Lisa Dyer’s Cultural Competency 101? Oh yea that’s right, you never took it.

New name: Robert Blackwell-Gibbs Expressway

There’s honestly hundreds of streets we demand that Joe Petty change. This is just the beginning. Let us know what else we should include in our list of DEMANDS. Be warned Worcester City Council – you have 36 hours to meet them. Failure to do so will result in rallies and mass distribution of Gordon Davis literature and signs.

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32 Comment(s)
  • Brian Brady
    March 4, 2019 at 7:41 pm

    Test

  • MENTAL MIKE
    August 1, 2015 at 11:54 am

    Funny as hell.

  • coffeemate
    August 1, 2015 at 6:23 am

    A picture of my house and my street making this List!?!? Yeeaaahhh baby!!

  • Adam
    July 31, 2015 at 8:16 am

    This is your finest work.

  • BobnMic
    July 30, 2015 at 11:17 pm

    You could change your name to something like, “Hank on it” or something.

  • BobnMic
    July 30, 2015 at 11:09 pm

    All in all Turtleboy I heard you on Felger and Mazz banning them from all areas of Worcester a few weeks ago and I thought that was funny as hell. In addtion to this awesome funny as shit blog you might want to consider comedy in a live setting. Just sayin’ from a fan.

  • J
    July 30, 2015 at 7:34 pm

    This is the funniest post since the bus gate era, and Turtleboy started worrying about revolting too much

  • Wabbitt
    wabbitt
    July 30, 2015 at 6:55 pm

    Uh, you got it all wrong with Mann St. It’s clearly the WHITE MANN keeping the brothers down with his imperialist privilege!

  • Zoe Bear
    July 30, 2015 at 6:26 pm

    I fucking LOVE YOU TB! You are the best! LMAO!

  • LMAO
    July 30, 2015 at 5:01 pm

    What about Rudolph street ? It reminds me of an imaginary brown deer flying around an imaginary fat white generous man who never brings me anything in December . Fucking racists !! Lmao this post is genius straight up hilarious !!

  • Savvybear Turtleneck
    July 30, 2015 at 4:23 pm

    Heywood street.
    Massasoit Road.
    Kelley Square and Green Street.
    Temple Street
    SUMMER Street
    Beaver Road.
    Clark Street.
    Pleasant Street
    Hope Ave.
    John Street.

  • Giggle Space
    July 30, 2015 at 4:16 pm

    As a masochistic pain junkie I am offended that you hippies would take the whip out of Whipple St. as there are other pain sluts living in the closet (ok, maybe they like it in there)who get their panties in a wet bunch when they see street names that refer to whips and all types of corporal punishment. How dare you?
    Scissor St. gets a thumbs up from the pain slut crowd.

  • Maggie the Cat
    July 30, 2015 at 3:46 pm

    OMG! This is hysterical. Thanks for the laughs!

  • RJ
    July 30, 2015 at 3:13 pm

    Can we get a trigger warning before posts that deal with institutional racism? My self-diagnosed PTSD from this one time in college when someone said something I didn’t agree with really snuck up on me.

  • strata
    July 30, 2015 at 3:08 pm

    funny

  • Nanny
    July 30, 2015 at 3:01 pm

    Don’t forget Dick Drive, over by Joff’s neighborhood.

  • BobnMic
    July 30, 2015 at 2:53 pm

    *while

  • BobnMic
    July 30, 2015 at 2:53 pm

    This not a post to read will on the throne. It could get messy. Very very funny.

  • jay
    July 30, 2015 at 2:21 pm

    Adolph st. Beaver st. BoardMAN st. Chevy Chase rd. Chino ave. Colimbine rd. Commonwealth ave. Constitution ave. Country Club blvd. Cuba rd. D st. Dix st. Eagle rd+terr. Ebenezer st. Franconia st. Gaylord st. John st. King st. Longfellow rd. McKeon Rd (doesn’t sound like it looks). Mohawk ave. Natural history dr+rd. Nixon ave. Odd fellows ave. Pakachoag st. Pioneer rd. Porto Rico rd. Queen st. Shamrock st. St Anthony, St Elmo, St Johns, St Louis, St nicholas, St paul. Tainter st/ct. Tallawanda dr. Veterans ave. Waucatuck rd. Whippoolwill dr. Wiser ave.
    #ireadtbs&mapswhenishit

  • Shaking my head
    July 30, 2015 at 2:15 pm

    I don’t think I ever laughed so hard reading something. I am sitting on the beach and I looked like a crazy lady because I couldn’t stop laughing. One of your best!!

  • Leo
    July 30, 2015 at 2:06 pm

    Laughing my ass off here. Best post ever.

  • Jill
    July 30, 2015 at 1:59 pm

    Last one but I could seriously do this all day. south street. We don’t need to affiliate ourselves with Confederate flag loving racists.

    • juror seven
      July 30, 2015 at 8:37 pm

      Jill wants South St. How ironic when you recall the old classic by the Orlons,
      Where do all the hippies meet?
      South Street, South Street.
      Where the dancin’ is elite.
      South Street, South Street.
      That was back in 1963.

      • Jill
        July 22, 2016 at 7:51 pm

        I haven’t heard those lyrics in quite some time. But now it makes my South street request seem much more plausible. I drive by a st. Nicholas street the other day. Some might be offended having streets name after saints—is that a Christian thing only???

  • Frogshit
    July 30, 2015 at 1:59 pm

    I’m tellin’ ya…. If fuckin’ Pearl St. don’t get changed quick I’m gonna’ go bat shit crazy!

  • Jill
    July 30, 2015 at 1:57 pm

    Also Water street because hello—water boarding was a real problem. It’s likely to bring up PTSD issues for some.

    • Wabbitt
      wabbitt
      July 30, 2015 at 11:24 pm

      Also, Water brings up the negative stereotype that black people can’t swim.

      • Jackie
        July 22, 2016 at 5:47 pm

        Academy are you f****** kidding me you guys have too much time on your hands get a life get an education

        • Jill
          July 22, 2016 at 7:53 pm

          FYI–I am educated. I hold 2 degrees. Granted one was a mistake so I made up for it with another. Had to pay the mortgage so I couldn’t go for my masters. Sorry.

  • Jill
    July 30, 2015 at 1:54 pm

    Walnut because I know people with nuts allergies and that shit is just sooooo insensitive

  • Megan DaSilva
    July 30, 2015 at 1:28 pm

    Oh-My-bwhHhHhahahahaaAaHahaAaA this is your best post yet! I am dying over here! Hahahahahhahaaaa

  • Non Sequitor
    July 30, 2015 at 1:27 pm

    Can’t wait to see Samantha Allen write this story in Tuesday’s T&G!

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