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9/11 “truthers.” We’ve all met em before. Basically these geniuses are just a bunch of wannabe Alex Jones’ looking for attention. Normally I just don’t pay attention to them, but today they really grinded my gears. Like, I get that you’re a yahoo looking for attention. I get that you’ll believe anything you saw once on Youtube and present it as fact. But I just think these people need to get Turtleboyed when they spew their nonsense on September 11th. So I went where any person would go when looking for some of America’s biggest dingleberries – Alex Jones’ Facebook page. Here’s what America’s biggest profiteer of national tragedies had to say:

So obviously Alex Jones knows what the fuck he’s talking about. I gotta give him credit – he knows how to makes money. I’m sure he doesn’t actually believe any of this shit. But unfortunately for society, many, many people do….

Brittany obviously knows what she’s talking about. Why else would someone use ALL CAPS?? That’s what I thought. Here I was thinking terrorists flew planes into buildings. Turns out I was way, way, off. Here’s what really happened:

Oh shit!!! I had no idea. I could’ve sworn I saw two planes fly into the WTC, but little did I know that was not what caused the buildings to blow up. Turns out my girl Brittany Butt saw “they” start to haul “shit” into the buildings after everyone left. They’d been doing that “sense” the middle of August. It’s incredible how this woman right here:

has more information on 9/11 than CNN and every other news source in America. Obviously she knows what the fuck she’s talking about, or else why would she be writing on the Alex Jones’ Facebook page?

Then there’s dis other guy I know:

Man, Dat guy knows his shit. A lot of dese people point out that WTC building #7 came down, even though it wasn’t hit by a plane. Two planes, three buildings they point out. That’s actually a great fucking point. Because when I go bowling, I can only hit one pin down at a time. One pin, one ball. That’s the most basic rule of physics. Oh yea, and what’s up with all those windows exploding as the towers collapse? Obviously some stock trader placed a bunch of bombs on the 40th floor of the South Tower. Sure, the fact that windows were exploding as the building began to collapse was most likely caused by basic principles of pressure, which will happen when tons of steel are collapsing on top of it. But then again, Dat-de Doe has a strong selfie game:

And I’ve learned over time that people with strong selfie games always know what the fuck they’re talking about. Thank God this obviously rational human being can purchase guns. Because I don’t wanna live in a country where the best and the brightest can’t purchase an arsenal of weaponry to protect themselves from the evil federal government who blows up buildings for the fuck of it…

Some of these geniuses take it to another level. Like my girl Moi Tayler. She’s pretty much cracked the case:

Ya got that? 9/11 was an inside job because Moi has a friend overseas who sent her “information” and “videos.” And her friends even told her it was an inside job. So that about settles that. And a lot of these really smart people don’t care for Obama. But my girl Moi took it to another level…

Now that’s a rational human being I’ve ever seen one.

Then there’s Robert Martin…

Pretty convincing case. And there’s no way this guy right here could possibly be misinformed:

Brant Sodelund was hot on the trail too…

Wait…..what? The God damn post about the Super Chinese buffet might make more sense than this one. I’ve read it several times and I still have absolutely no clue what this rocket scientist is trying to say. So, if you go on Alex Jones’ website, you get added to either the TERRORISTS LIST, or the DEATH LIST. One of those two. Either way your’e fucked.

And does this guy think he’s a terrorist too because he drinks the blood of Jesus? Is that what he’s saying here? I love how he ends his apocalyptic diatribe with “how’s your wife Alex” at the end. Because lunatics like this don’t just spew hilarious ideas all over the internet. They’re also regular people who wanna know your wife is doing.

This guy is interesting to say the least. Naturally most of his profile pictures are selfless. But you so rarely see the flip-phone selfie game….

And I’m sorry to say ladies, that Brant is unfortunately off the market. I know, I’m shocked too. Somehow this clearly mentally stable dude in his late 40’s found a pretty young lady to settle down with.

I‘ve never met this woman, but if this is the guy you choose to spend the rest of your life with, something is obviously wrong with you. Although he is very photogenic:

And what young girl doesn’t grow up thinking about her big day, where she’ll take pictures with the many she loves on abandoned railroad tracks:

Lastly there’s Kevin James. He has an even better theory about what happened on September 11th. It wasn’t just an inside job – it was a nuclear attack by the government against the American people:

And obviously I believe this guy because he is a karate champion:

Because normal grown men take karate lessons all the time. Me thinks this guy spent a little too much time around nuclear power plants as a child.

But yea, I fucking hate these people. Nothing worse than them. Any time something happens it’s a conspiracy by the government. Sandy Hook, Boston Marathon, 9/11, all of it. Conspiracy. What I can’t stand about them is that they’re basically shitting on everyone who was effected by those events. Like, they think they’re some kind of fucking heroes in their diluted minds. They think they’re helping victims by exposing the truth. I’m sorry but if you are one of these people then you are a moron. Plain and simple. Every fucknut that spews this nonsense learned it all by watching some other fucktards Youtube video that they made in their Mom’s basement. That obviously makes it a published scientific journal.

So there you have it folks. The face of 9/11 truthers. Unfortunately there are PLENTY more where that comes from. But the more these people are allowed to say these things and not get Turtleboyed, the more they’re gonna continue to grow in numbers. This is why exist. This is why we ride the turtle.

Feel free to share your thoughts to keep the conversation going.

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