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Who Are Top 20 Most Annoying Facebook Posters?

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Facebook is a wonderful thing. It lets us know all sorts of things about our casual friends that we wouldn’t ordinarily know. There are people that I haven’t seen since high school that I feel like I haven’t missed a beat with due to this fantastic invention. If you’re on Facebook and you’re not an active poster it’s like I barely know you.

However, there are many people on Facebook that post way too much. Here are the top 20 biggest offenders.

20. The check-in guy. 

Look, it’s cool if you want to check in at the Patriots game, or some other type of big event. But no one gives a flying hoot if you’re at Trader Joe’s.

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19) The vague status poster.

Nothing says ask me a question about my meaningless life more than the vague Facebook status. People that feed into these questions by asking the poster about them need to be fed to the wolves. Nothing would be a bigger Facebook fail than having someone post one of these questions and having NO ONE respond. That would be awesome. Sigh.

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18) The “Share this depressing picture or else you don’t care” poster.

Gotta love these people who think they’re making a difference. You are not a noble person by sharing these graphic images. You are not making a difference. You ARE however being a huge dooshnozzle.

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17) People who post things that everyone agrees with.

Whoa, you don’t like that guy who kidnapped those girls and killed them? That’s a pretty provocative stance you’re taking. You favor gay marriage? How brave of you. It’s not like most people in your demographic group favor gay marriage. What happened to all those gay marriage equality profile pictures? You people weren’t in it for the long haul? The Supreme Court hasn’t even ruled on it yet!!!

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16) The “Why can’t I find a nice guy” girl.

Single girls need to stop taking relationship advice from single girls. Unfortunately this is exactly what ends up happening when you see a post like this. A bunch of other single girls who can’t pin down a guy reassure this poster immediately that they are beautiful and wonderful and will find the perfect guy. Because they know.

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15) The Twitter sync status poster. 

Look, I’m all for Twitter, but not everyone has an account. Twitter is where high school kids have gone to hide from their parents and follow celebrities. Other than that Twitter is useful for news updates and more active conversations than Facebook offers. And hashtags (these things – #) are used to create common topics of conversation that other people are looking for. So stupid things like #TooHotToHandle isn’t a real hashtag. It’s just you being a nudnik. Twitter language might as well be hieroglyphics. Most of your friends on Facebook don’t have a Twitter handle so they have absolutely no idea what you are saying with all those @, RT, and via, symbols.

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14) The Feel sorry for me status poster.

Yup, life sucks for you. Thank God Facebook is around so you can let us all know how sad you are and inquire about why you’re so sad. Otherwise you’d just have to sit in your room and cry into a pillow like the good ol’ days.

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13) The non-stop posting pictures of babies person. To my Mom friends out there: I know you think your baby is the cutest in the world, but 99% of babies are cute. And we’re still obligated to tell the mothers of the other 1% that their babies are cute too. They all look exactly the same in the first couple months though. They have two eyes, a nose, not much hair, little fingers, no teeth, and sometimes they smile. And whatever you do, please don’t make your baby your profile picture. Even though you have a child, you are still a human being with a distinct personality. You have not actually BECOME your child. You just change them after their dumps.

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12) The guy who posts their blog a million times.

I don’t know anyone who does that…..

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11) Guys who get caught in the Friend Zone.

I wanna sit down and have a man to man talk with these poor souls. It’s the ultimate public humiliation. I know in high school and college you think you can be best friends with a girl, but unless you enjoy sipping wine and watching Sex and the City, there will always be something missing in your friendship. It’s just how it works. As you get older you don’t have as much time to hang out with your friends, and when you do, you don’t want to watch shows like The Real World and Real Housewives of New Jersey. So you hang out with dudes where you’re free to talk about nasty, disgusting, vile things, without being judged. Ultimately the only girls you will remain friends with are the ones who are married to your friends.

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10) The “Look what I cooked” poster.

It’s not enough to just post a picture of your dinner. Make sure you tell me everything that’s in it. I wanna know all about it. You’re such an amazing cook. I’ll finish reading about it right after I microwave my Hot Pocket.

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9) People who post about professional soccer.

Everyone on Facebook has at least one of these people on their roster. They randomly post about how they can’t believe Liverpool upset Milan. We get it dude, you like soccer. No one else cares. We’d rather see baby pictures. Give us more baby pictures.

 

8) People who could easily and should be talking on the phone.

The only thing that is acceptable for couples to write on each other’s Facebook walls is, “I lost my phone, so I’m not ignoring you. I’ll be home at five.” That’s it. Anything else is you just letting us all know that you guys are in love with each other.

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7) People who speak in the 3rd person for their child.

Nothing would make me hate my Mom more than if she did this to me when I was a kid. Luckily my Mom resists technology like Churchill resisted the Nazis. We know you think your kid is cute, and you’re being really witty when you do this. But the only people that actually enjoy this are your other Mom friends on Facebook. Please stop.

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6) People who change their relationship status to “In a relationship” without being 100% sure that they will marry that person.

I refuse to put my relationship status on my Facebook page because if I know you then you know what my relationship status is without me having to change it on. Mrs. TurtleBoy refuses to accept my friend request anyway so I wouldn’t even be able to say it. The main reason it’s a big mistake to change your relationship status to “in a relationship” is what happens when the relationship is over. The inevitable “Jenny McBigboobs is single” which will appear all over my Facebook feeder will bring out all her single friends, who all of a sudden hate this now ex-bf and tell her she can do better. Others just let you know how sorry they are and that they’re “there for you.”

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5) The full update on gym workout poster.

So I was going about my business today, doing my thing, and then I thought to myself, “I wonder what all my Facebook friends did for a routine at the gym today? Not just when they went to the gym, but exactly what muscle groups they are working on, and how long they did each for. Cardio? How many sets and reps?” Luckily I went on Facebook and my questions were already answered.

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4) The song lyrics poster.

These people are the absolute worst. Look Hakeem, no one is actually reading your status. We all just scroll right past it. I know you put a lot of time into selecting just the right song that you think is truly inspirational, but the rest of us just don’t have time to interpret the lyrics and correlate them to your life experiences. The only people worse than these people are the ones who “like” them, thus encouraging more song lyric statuses.

Hakeem Kiboi

Never mind ill find someone like u

I wish nothing bt the best for u too

Don forget me,i beg

I remember u said

‘Sometimes it lasts in love

Bt sometimes it hurts instead’

 

3) The “My kid took a dump” poster.

Little Johnny said something cute today!! That’s so surprising, because babies never say cute things. I always just thought they came out speaking like adults. Oh, and then Johnny ate a whole hot dog!! This was followed by a massive dump in the potty. He’s so big and you all want to hear all about him.

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2) People who post their Tough Mudder pictures.

You did a tough mudder? You must be ready to join the Navy Seals. Suddenly crawling in the mud and climbing over jungle gyms has become trendy. You could just start running more often and try to improve your 5k times, but then you wouldn’t be able to get all muddy and put your pictures on Facebook. You’re Katniss freaking Everdeen and don’t let anyone else tell you otherwise.

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1) People who encourage baby pictures.

I can kind of give Mom’s a pass with the excessive posting of baby pictures. It’s almost a natural thing. Once you become a mother you become a completely irrational person. Your little baby could rob a bank, shoot the teller, and  burn down a church on the way home, and you would still defend them. It’s a mother’s instinct to think that their baby is this priceless being that the rest of us want to see and hear about all the time. The only way to get them to stop doing it so much is stop commenting about how cute their babies are, and stop immediately liking any new picture they put up. Beware though, if you block these mothers, this could happen to you:

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Don’t lie. I know you’re guilty of at least one of these. Am I missing any major offenders though? Feel free to share your thoughts in the comments to keep this conversation going.

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9 Comment(s)
  • Melanie
    June 26, 2014 at 8:46 pm

    If you’re so annoyed by all these facebook posters…how about you just block them? or….GET THE HELL OFF OF FACEBOOK!

  • Elaine
    January 27, 2014 at 10:50 am

    You’re missing a really annoying fb status poster…the girl who won’t stop posting about her engagement/wedding to come.

    • January 27, 2014 at 5:04 pm

      Yea good call. I forgot about those people because I blocked them a long time ago.

  • matt
    January 26, 2014 at 11:38 pm

    I dunno man. Those people who do tough mudder must really be tough. How else could they get all that mud all over them?

    • Joey G
      January 27, 2014 at 9:31 am

      Well, they might just be all dirty to begin with (perhaps from gardening). Then, they walk past your house and mysteriously get hit with a bucket of water.

      • matt
        January 27, 2014 at 9:40 am

        There’s nothing tough about gardening.

    • January 27, 2014 at 5:04 pm

      Yea, they could run on a regular road, but that’s just not challenging enough. Plus the pictures don’t look as good on Facebook as being covered in mud.

  • Joey G
    January 26, 2014 at 9:57 pm

    Babies are never cute or amusing. They are parasites, that’s about it.

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