WTF

Aaron Hernandez’ Prison Boyfriend’s Lawyer’s Press Conference Was Amazing: Kyle Kennedy’s Prison Nickname Was “Pure” And AH Promised Him Lots Of Things In Exchange For Spooning

Aaron Hernandez’ Prison Boyfriend’s Lawyer’s Press Conference Was Amazing: Kyle Kennedy’s Prison Nickname Was “Pure” And AH Promised Him Lots Of Things In Exchange For Spooning

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Editor’s Note: Pat Tillman was an American hero. We point this out because some people are butthurt that we’re blogging about Aaron Hernandez and NOT about Pat Tillman. Because apparently you cannot respect the sacrifices made by Pat Tillman while simultaneously enjoying a bizarre story about a former Pro Bowl tight end’s prison butt buddy. So we just want to set the record straight before blogging about Hernandez again – we believe Pat Tillman was an American hero, and the world would be a better place if he was still alive.

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Now that that’s out of the way, Larry Army Jr, the lawyer for Aaron Hernandez’ white chocolate prison cupcake, adressed the media today to discuss Kyle Kennedy’s relationship with Hernandez. And it was a shitshow:

Here’s some of the highlights:

  • Kyle Kennedy was put on suicide watch after Hernandez killed himself, not because he was suicidal, but because it is protocol, which means he gets no books, TV, radio, or writing utensils, and a CO watches his every move in an isolated cell
  • Kyle says that he was close friends with Hernandez, and his client will be the one who explains exactly what their relationship was directly to the media in the near future
  • Kyle Kennedy firmly believes that one of the letters Hernandez wrote was to him, which comes from his own knowledge of the relationship that he and Aaron had shared, as well as a third party which confirmed to him that Hernandez wrote him a letter
  • Larry Army wants Hernandez’ lawyer Jose Baez to hand over a copy of the letter to Kyle Kennedy, who would be able to decipher the jailhouse talk Hernandez used in it, but Baez is insisting they were not lovers
  • Kyle Kennedy was told by Aaron Hernandez before his death that he’d be the recipient of a $50,000 watch, specifically that Hernandez purchased the custom made watch in Las Vegas
  • Hernandez told Kyle Kennedy that he would have the watch sent to Kyle Kennedy’s family on the outside, but no one in his family has received the watch
  • In September 2016 Hernandez and Kyle Kennedy requested to be cellmates, which was initially approved, but then rejected because of the size difference in case a fight between the two of them broke out
  • Aaron Hernandez had a “regular role” with Kennedy’s family, and Larry Army produced a letter that Hernandez wrote to Kyle Kennedy’s Dad
  • Hernandez referred to Kyle Kennedy as “pure”
  • Hernandez letter to his father called Kennedy his “brother,” and also wrote similar notes to Kyle’s siblings
  • Larry Army refused to admit that Kyle Kennedy was Aaron’s lover
  • Army said that he was stunned and thought it was a joke when people told him that Hernandez was dead, because of the “closeness of their relationship”
  • Three weeks before he died Hernandez wrote a note to Kyle Kennedy telling him that he was “ready to hang it up LOL,” but Kennedy thought it was a joke
  • The watch was given to Kennedy on August 27, 2016 as a birthday present to Kennedy
  • Army and Kennedy admittedly have NO PROOF that Hernandez intended the watch to go to Kennedy, other than oral (no pun intended) conversations between the two of them
  • On the night that Hernandez killed himself Kyle Kennedy was pulled from general population for violating a jailhouse rule
  • Kyle Kennedy has read about all the things people are saying about him, which basically means he’s read Turtleboy Sports since we’ve covered this story better than anyone
  • Kyle Kennedy says he misses Aaron Hernandez and his infectious smile
  • Larry Army would not answer the question when asked if Kyle Kennedy and Hernandez smoked K2 before he was put into solitary

The fact that Kyle Kennedy’s prison bitch nickname is “pure” is the greatest thing I’ve ever heard. Almost spit out my coffee when I heard the lawyer say that. Pure wangsta!!

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Alright, first of all, if Jose Baez says they weren’t lovers, then they were probably lovers. Because Jose Baez is a lying gutterslug with a briefcase who only represents high profile, guilty clients, and finds ways to set them free.

Secondly, the watch thing is such a scam, and Larry Army is hardly any better than Jose Baez. He’s just looking for his piece of the pie. There’s no proof that Kennedy was promised this watch, except for some alleged pillow talk from Hernandez. More than likely Aaron just told him this so he’d be down for a late night cuddle sesh.

Thirdly, the fact that these two requested to be bunkmates is the greatest thing I’ve ever heard in my life. Five years ago Aaron Hernandez was seconds away from being named Super Bowl MVP. Fast forward to the present, and he’s begging CO’s to share a bunkbed with this guy:

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Once again. Gigantic mansion, beautiful daughter, $40 million contract. Not nearly as appealing as the thought of being the big spoon with this face on a nightly basis:

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Fourthly, the fact that Pure White Chocolate thinks he gets to hold a press conference about who was the chocolate chip cookie and who was the cream filling in his relationship with Hernandez, is hilarious. But if somehow this does happen, it might be the greatest press conference of all time. However, I’m pretty sure prisoners don’t give press conferences. Either way, I’m getting aroused just thinking about the gold material that would come out of that.

Fifthly, Larry Army might not have confirmed that they were lovers, but the fact that he provided a note from Hernandez to Kyle Kennedy’s Dad is all the proof you need. He was playing meet the parents already. Plus, he’d already been taking part in conference calls with Kyle’s homeboys for months before that.

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Sixthly, screwing Pure White Chocolate over on the way out is the most Aaron Hernandez move ever. Dude was the most selfish person who has ever lived. The fact that he was promising this nudnik $50K watches that he had no intention of giving him, so that Kyle Kennedy would allow Hernandez to treat him like he was a lump of dough in a pizza shop, is so Aaron Hernandez it hurts. The only thing that hurts more was Kyle Kennedy’s glory hole.

The long and short of it is that Aaron Hernandez knew he was gonna kill himself the whole time. He wanted to get his rocks off while he was in the can, so he pretended to be in love with the prettiest face he could find. He promised him a bunch of shit, and even humored his family and friends. But at the end of the day Hernandez was smart enough not to put any of these promises in writing, because obviously he’s not gonna give some wigtacular chud from Uxbridge a $50,000 watch when he’s got a four year old daughter that could probably use the money more than him. Unfortunately for Pure White Chocolate, he thought the relationship was genuine, and now him and his lawyer wanna cash in on it. Good luck with that.

 

 

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21 Comment(s)
  • Madcow not Rachel
    April 27, 2017 at 9:02 am

    Is it still considered “spooning” if there’s insertion?????

  • Phil
    April 26, 2017 at 11:31 pm

    Larry should be locked up with his client. He is as unscrupulous as they come.

  • Publius
    April 26, 2017 at 10:45 pm

    Kyle is kind of cute in a dirty way if you gotta go that way. Even if they had steamy copulation does it matter? does Massachusetts recognize jailhouse marriages? Sen. Eldridge?

  • Sean "Irish Express" Fitzgerald
    April 26, 2017 at 7:25 pm

    Kyle Kennedy is gorgeous……Oh my god !

  • Dolphin
    April 26, 2017 at 7:21 pm

    I can’t help wondering who is paying for all these lawyers!!!

  • Sean "Irish Express" Fitzgerald
    April 26, 2017 at 7:20 pm

    He has a nice ass, I don’t blame Aaron

  • Scammer
    April 26, 2017 at 7:00 pm

    This is the only thing the punk has in his life. Obviously, he’s playing it to the max., for his own benefit.

  • Dick Dover
    April 26, 2017 at 6:36 pm

    or put pencils in fuckboys ears and rode him like a Harley

  • Dick Dover
    April 26, 2017 at 6:34 pm

    Tattooed some titties on Kennedys back and fucked him like a girl..

    • Madcow not Rachel
      April 27, 2017 at 9:06 am

      Kyle’s “Tramp Stamp” turned AH on………

  • Dick Dover
    April 26, 2017 at 6:32 pm

    Aaron Hernandez wasn’t gay, but his boyfriend is.
    ….Most Hispanic males are kind of faggy anyway.

  • Rightwinger
    April 26, 2017 at 5:42 pm

    Tell me why TB is pandering to the butthurts ( Snowflakes) who are whining about Pat Tillman? An Editors note? Will there be editors notes on every blog from now on?

  • Donald McRonald
    April 26, 2017 at 5:41 pm

    Kennedy-Hernandez just wants the love letter-suicide note to give to the highest bidder to make more cheddar. TMZ will pay good dollarz.

  • Edwin
    April 26, 2017 at 5:20 pm

    Larry army is an attention whore. He used to promote boxers all who used him as a stepping stone to a real manager. Now he is giving press conferences about his scumbag clients relationship with Hernandez. Turtleboy should investigate army.

    • Caleb
      April 26, 2017 at 6:19 pm

      This isn’t true, Kyle was not gay or did anything with Arron, they were very good friends and Aaron gave his watch to him because he wanted to help him when Kyle gets out. Everything you say is bullshit, don’t talk about Kyle again!

      • Cash me outside... in 2018
        April 26, 2017 at 7:34 pm

        Ok… now that you set the record straight we’ll just move along. Your pal Kyle will go down in history as the only, at the very least the first guy to make national headlines for sucking a dick in prison.

      • BelaC
        April 26, 2017 at 8:27 pm

        If someone was gonna bang me in the ass I’d like him to be a “good friend” too.

  • Pure Trash
    April 26, 2017 at 5:11 pm

    Let me get this straight, Aaron Hernandez kills himself, so we thankfully never have to see his smug mug again. But now there’s a press conference on Kyle Kennedy! Watching an old man with a law degree, stand there and talk seriously about how his client was promised a watch, while in jail, by another inmate in jail, is simply priceless. Because if you can trust anyone, its a heroin addict and a murderer, while they are both in jail.

  • gfldgadfly
    April 26, 2017 at 3:45 pm

    So, when can we expect to see Kyle change his last name to Kennedy-Hernandez? If Miss Jenkins gets to do it without a marriage license heck why not ????

  • Bottom feeders!
    April 26, 2017 at 3:33 pm

    And when I say “bottom feeders”, we’re talking about ALL of the parties involved (including the hired “mouthpiece” with the calloused knees). So, Kyle is left “hanging” (too bad it wasn’t like his butt buddy), hoping for a 50K watch and some sort of mental comfort when he reads the love letter from his prison bitch!

    • April 27, 2017 at 12:33 am

      Lmfao mmm ok….sweetheart a little knowledge to put down on ya so u don’t look like a fool any further….ya boi kyle is as gay in the “i love me some man meat up da azz” way as mary freakin poppins is in the merry way!!! Sad that u so fooled by him. More sad for kyle when he realized he got that azz stretched for nuffin lol

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