Al Dente’s Views On Farmville, Bullying, And Ebola Are Exactly Why He Should Be Rhode Island’s Next Governor

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If you read this blog regularly then you know that we shy away from politics. They’re all a bunch of assholes. However, you also know that there is one man, and one man alone that Turtleboy Sports endorses for political office – Alfred Dente, the next Governor of Rhode Island. Sure his name isn’t on the ballot, but if you think that’s gonna stop Al Dente from fixing this country then you don’t know Al Dente. Ya see, he wants to get to the core of the REAL issues that interfere with the lives of average Americans. Check out what he had to say today:

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God bless you Al Dente. Who can’t relate to this? Every time I get a red notification on my phone I get a little bit aroused. Then when I find out some moron sent me another Farmville request I wanna hit the wall, or as Alfred Dente puts it, “invite my fist to your face.” What the fuck are you people thinking sending out all these requests? Seriously, do you get a stipend for this or something? Is there anyone out there who just doesn’t have enough shit to do that day, and actually says, “yea fuck it, let’s give Farmville a shot.”?

Because if no one is accepting your requests, maybe, just maybe you should stop sending them. Newsflash – everyone hates you. You are nothing less than a scourge on civilized society, and you need to go to jail. This is exactly why I support Alfred Dente. He will turn your shenanigans into a charge of harrasmint, which sounds delicious. Think he has time to waist on you assholes? Nope, and neither do I. He’s a God damn goobernatorial rite in candadate. He has no time for your bullshit crimes against humanity and neither do I. Next person who send me one of these is getting an Al Dente fist to your face!!

Oh yea, and Al Dente will answer your questions directly, unlike the other politicians dooshnozzles. Like, what’s up with all this Ebola?

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Al Dente just oozes Americanism. He will eat ebola, and then shit it out. Take THAT ebola!!

And what about bullying? What does he think of this problem plaguing schools?

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Al Dente has clearly figured out the cure for bullying. If you try to bully me any more I will jam my fist down your ass. THAT is how you fix bullying ladies and gentlemen. Fists down your ass. THAT’s the Al Dente way.

Feel free to share your thoughts to keep the conversation going.

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1 Comment(s)
  • Wabbitt
    October 7, 2014 at 12:12 am

    Never mind Rhode Island – Al Dente for president!

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