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We’ve gotten so many requests from turtle riders to do re-runs of our greatest hits, so we decided to add a new category – This Day In Turtleboy. We’ll be reblogging some of our greatest hits that happened on around this day in Turtleboy. 

Check out this vicious attack that occurred outside of Northbridge High School:

Damn. Classy broads right there. Because why fight a girl one on one when you can jump her instead? Think of how easily this could’ve gone the other way. They’re on a busy road and traffic is going by. All it would take is the girl to lose her balance, fall into the street, and she’d be killed by a car.

Apparently the girl they were doing this to is a freshman, and the other two girls are upperclassmen. Neither was suspended for this. Hopefully administrators at Northbridge High School see this and do something about it now that there’s video evidence. Because if they don’t then all this whole anti-bullying curriculum that’s been pushed the last five years is meaningless, fell-good bullshit.

Anyway, we don’t usually shame high school kids, but that video was horrible. And quite frankly a public shaming does these people good. Plus, what they did was criminal, and they should probably be arrested for it. These are the two girls who did the pummeling on the freshman:

Apparently these Northbridge kids think they’re hood or something, because they use a very urban vernacular that social justice warriors might refer to as “cultural appropriation.”

N words? World Star? Mad heads hating? Where’d these wannabe junior hoodrats learn these words? Wright’s Chicken Farm? We’re still in Northbridge right? Just making sure.

Apparently the screenshots above are in reference to a completely different incident in which one of these lovely products, who was more than likely conceived in the parking lot of a 1998 Fugees concert, threw a coffee coolata at a male student inside NHS. Notice the final comment:

Yea, that’s not a student. That’s Cailin’s mother, Celia.

And now the picture becomes even clearer. Keep in mind, that “little faggot” who she’s threatening to make sure “never walks again” is a child who goes to school with her daughter. All-Star parenting if I’ve ever seen it!!

She wasn’t done threatening junior hoodrats and inserting herself into high school drama though:

Obviously these kids all come from homes filled to the brim with leather bound books. Don’t fuck with Celia Mcauliffe though. She knows “PLENTY of kids your age from different towns” that will fuck your shit up. Because what parent doesn’t have a rolodex of teenager’s names in every southern Worcester County town who they can call up to fight a foul mouthed child they’re going at it with on the Internet? That’s normal.

Rather than be an adult and walk away from this conversation though, Mom thought it would be wise to continue to defend her daughter’s honor by bragging about the vicious 2 on 1 assault you saw in that video:

Because nothing is more important than establishing who fucked up who. Most normal parents would see a video of their daughter violently attacking another child and be embarrassed. Not Celia though. The only thing that matters to her is that her kid officially won the fight. Because these things matter. I remember this one time Grandma Turtleboy went on Facebook and told a kid that I was gonna choke him to honor her good name. Who can’t relate to that?

Anyway, Celia apparently is a 1999 graduate of Wachusett High School, but has done some stints in Oxford, Northbridge, and the south shore town of Whitman.

Her Facebook page is a real trip too. She’s friends with some of the junior hoodrats commenting above, and tags them during her productive days of taking Facebook quizzes about being bailed out of jail:

She’s not like, a regular Mom. She’s a cool Mom.

Oh, and look what ma dukes shared a couple weeks ago:

Sometimes you’re sharing Turtleboy blogs. The next day you’re featured on one. Hate when that happens.

But she wasn’t sharing it because she’s a fan of that particular blog. In the least surprising turn of events ever, she has a problem with Turtleboy publicly shaming the Greenfield ratchet featured in that article who was selling her food stamps for heroin money:

Never heard of Turtleboy? How can you live in Worcester County and not know about Turtleboy? Didn’t realize that was possible.

Her golden gloves daughter apparently is quite familiar with the blog, and in the least surprising turn of events ever, Mom knows the Greenfield ratchet from jail:

Yea Celia, I think everyone reading this knows how you feel about heroin. But it’s not her fault, it’s a disease!!

Sometimes I wish I was a heroin addict. It’s like permanent armor that protects you from ever being judged.

And based on the video at the top of the blog, this is the most accurate thing we found on her Facebook page:

Yup, lots of girls who get suspended for throwing coffee at other kids in school, and who jump a freshman outside of school, are the product of being “raised good.” We anxiously look forward to seeing who comes forward first in our inbox to defend the honor of the people featured in this blog.