This Day In Turtleboy

Meet the New Bedford Foodstampoptamai From Free My Boi Video: They Are Everything You Thought They Would Be AND MORE! 

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We’ve gotten so many requests from turtle riders to do re-runs of our greatest hits, so we decided to add a new category – This Day In Turtleboy. We’ll be reblogging some of our greatest hits that happened on around this day in Turtleboy. 




So you all caught the gem from our friends at the New Bedford Guide yesterday.

Rare Breed Of Pajama Clad Foodstampotamus Spotted In New Bedford Yelling “Free My Son N Word” As Career Criminal Gets Arrested For Selling Drugs With Toy Guns

Two Foodstampopotamai hanging out the windows of a second-story window screaming,” Free my son, N—a!” This, of course, all happened while the police arrested the kid we thought they were flipping out about.

Turns out that they had absolutely nothing to do with the arrest of Rafeal Vega. Of course it didn’t! It’s New Bedford. They were actually screaming for the release of this fine specimen who stabbed a guy when his dog shit near his house.

Lenine dindu nuffin, while the dog in question, dindu doodoo. Everyone is innocent in NB! Which is probably why the community newspaper claps back!

I just love the guys that run that paper. They have the best sense of humor.

It took next to no time for girlfriend Amanda Parvo, who was NB famous for a hot minute, when she ran away from home a while back, to admit that she was she one in the video. Turtleriders figured out the mom seconds later. The profiles are everything you thought they would be an more.

(SEE? PCA!) Elizabeth is the mother of the year. She has this uncanny ability to look like a bingo-winged thug in almost all of her photos. You can almost hear her grunting, like an EBT-sniffing truffle hog, while in her natural habitat.

“I’ve seen better legs on a discarded table,” said Turtlerider Tom, when he saw this.

That might be the greatest set of elbow bangs I’ve ever seen in my life. If she did the chicken dance she would actually take flight. It’s also totally normal to turn your back and scowl at the camera for all your family pictures. She looks like she’s on a Bone Thugs and Ratchetry album cover.

She, of course, thinks she is sexual chorizo. Note: the bear bong on the headboard.

She also had her wedding ceremony on Facebook. I now pronounce you Mr. & Mrs Wizop.

But I doubt that ceremony is going to help her immigration woes and save her from being deported:

She also said that she was tired of her house being a drug den and was going to be cleaning up people hanging out. Sounds like she might be the one who snitched on Vega.

She thinks that criminals should get fines instead of jail time – and let the world know by sidewalk chalking it on the front of the courthouse steps:

Lenine’s father, Boston George, thinks that the only reason his kid is in jail is because Elizabeth snitched on him way back when for carrying a gun. He was sent back to his own county for it. They, of course, duked this all out of Facebook:

And of course we have the girlfriend who hung out a second-story window while braless and preggers:

Nothing says “she’s mine” like jamming a fist in her cooch. Romantic.

Now, I’m not totally sure that Amanda is even 18 yet. We know she’s pregnant with a baby we will all be taking care of and went missing in 2015 at the age of 16. Something tells me this is the house she was hiding out at.

These two government cheesehogs live on the second floor. Grandmama ratchet, who owns the house, lives on the first floor. The fentanyl-selling queefbag, under arrest that day, lives on the third. Sounds like a great place to raise many kids from many baby daddies.

It’s like Welfare Abuse Farm. Where only the finest meats and cheeses come from.
We had one Turtlerider chime in who knew these slobs.

Well, my head is spinning. Who knew this pair was going to be the giving tree of trashy tales.

New Bedford is one of those vast, untapped, resources. We need someone to start a New Bedford community page out there. An Uncensored one would be a gift from the Turtlegods. Let us know if someone ends up making one.

9 Comment(s)
  • Brent
    April 1, 2018 at 6:39 am

    That dumpy ass in the first two photos pushed out to timbuktu says it all.

  • Rick Shaw
    Rick Shaw
    March 29, 2018 at 8:52 am

    Elizabeth looks like a skank with a crank. That has to be a dude. Although, driving through the wonderful hamlet of New Bedford, is almost like driving through a zombie riddled town in the Walking Dead. Just a bunch of toothless, neck tattoo sporting, meth faced, flat brimmed hat wearing human garbage. There is not a salvageable being in that entire dumpster fire of a town…Maybe with the exception of people working there who don’t live there. They should encase that mucous plug of a town in a dome and blow in sarin gas.

  • Flabsmasher
    March 29, 2018 at 12:56 am

    I got a sickness.
    The only cure is the thickness.
    MMM mmmm, Mama Quino.
    Come to Papa…

  • K
    March 28, 2018 at 8:45 pm

    Why does she have a mustache? There are so many products to remove that for women. If you can’t afford that, then damn girl use a razor.

  • Jo Mama
    March 28, 2018 at 5:39 pm

    I have absolutely no idea why this is a story or I should care?

    Stories like this explains why people are bailing on this blog.

    Well, this story and the constant crying that because of Facebook you lost tens of thousands of followers.

    Couldn’t all of your loyal Facebook followers just Google Turtleboy sports and find this site on the web?

    • Blackie O'connell
      March 28, 2018 at 5:47 pm

      What you doing here then?

    • Screw PC
      March 29, 2018 at 2:10 pm

      Hey, here’s a friendly reminder that you forgot to go fuck yourself, eat shit and die twice.

  • Will Crusher
    March 28, 2018 at 5:13 pm

    “If she did the chicken dance she would actually take flight.” This is all I needed today to not want to blow my brains out.

  • Jinxie
    March 28, 2018 at 5:11 pm

    “If she did the chicken dance she would actually take flight.” Bwahaha! Made my day!

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