Hoodrat Heroes

Rare Breed Of Pajama Clad Foodstampotamus Spotted In New Bedford Yelling “Free My Son N Word” As Career Criminal Gets Arrested For Selling Drugs With Toy Guns

Rare Breed Of Pajama Clad Foodstampotamus Spotted In New Bedford Yelling “Free My Son N Word” As Career Criminal Gets Arrested For Selling Drugs With Toy Guns

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We saw this story on the New Bedford Guide. And the video you are about to see from the steaming pile of seacoast crap known as “New Bedford” is perhaps the most ratchet thing we have ever put on Turtleboy Sports:

Oh. My. Fucking. God.


Apparently the New Bedford Police Department’s Narcotics Division busted this winner on Coffin Avenue named Rafeal Vega (20). They found 21 grams of crack cocaine, 17 grams of fentanyl, distribution materials, and $287 cash (Ball-ahhhhh). All that money will go real well with his toy air guns. Shockingly Vega was arrested five years ago (when he was either 15 or 16) for drug distribution, and was convicted.

Nevertheless, free my boi!!!

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And she’s even wearing Champion brand clothing. Do you understand where you have to go to find Champion brand clothing? I see someone’s been taking some upscale shopping trip to the The Salvation Army and the Goodwill Store.

If I’m the mayor of New Bedford, I’m capitalizing on this by turning this particular apartment into a tourist destination. You can easily turn these gravy dumpseters into an urban safari. Have out of towners pay money to get on a bulletproof bus and just ride around New Bedford observing the wildlife. This right here is the extremely rare “Foodstampotamus”:

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Its chances at survival are minimal, due to a plethora of factors. These include but are not limited to:

  • Non-existent hygiene
  • Moral bankruptcy
  • A lack of fucks to give about anything, including paying bills and obeying the law
  • An irrational fear of the dentist
  • Sexually transmitted diseases that have grown their own sexually transmitted diseases
  • An inability to adapt to changing weather patterns due to an obsession with wearing pajama pants, even when it’s below freezing out
  • Starvation, due to trading in food stamps for half value on Facebook for crack money
  • A likeliness to be stabbed by their John’s after spending their client’s money on Newport Lights, heroin, and broken dreams
  • An inability to spell words such as “G-E-D”

Then there is the matriarch:

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In her natural element you will often hear her yell things such as “he din du nuffin,” or in the case of this particular foodstampotamus, “free my son nigga, because he’s fucking innocent.” This despite the fact that her career criminal son was just caught on camera with copious amounts of drugs.

Since her son is 20 years old, it is safe to assume that this mother of the year candidate was born somewhere around 1981. More than likely she was disturbed by the fact that her son, who is clearly her dealer of choice, will be gone for a little bit. And thus she will have to purchase Diego’s overpriced product from around the block.

She realizes at this point that she cannot afford Diego’s product since he no longer accepts EBT. Thus the only way she will be able to get her next fix will be to also accept a complimentary Diego protein milkshake with her purchase.

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Additionally, these creatures often do not understand that actions have consequences, and since they are unable to pass the third grade MCAS, they are completely unfamiliar with the concept of “gravity.”

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However, despite the odds against these magnificent creatures they are still thriving and shouting “free my boi” in record numbers today. This is largely due to social policies coming out of Boston that have created a welfare state where even Darwin’s misfits seem to be able to land in the record-sized safety net they have created. For instance, had this foodstampotamus fallen out of this window, taxpayer subsidized Masshealth would have stitched her up and gotten her back in her section 8 rent-controlled ratchet den. Additionally, this particular breed of animal is known to reproduce at astounding rates, thus ensuring their long term survival.

I’d pay good money to go on that urban safari. Just sayin. We’re stuck with these people, because luckily they’re not (gasp) undocumented maids cleaning your hotel room. So we might as well try to find a way to monetize them, instead of just throwing taxpayer money at them and hoping in vain that they will use it for social mobility. Because we all know that ain’t gonna happen any time soon.

Anyway, we’d love to know who these people are. Especially if they have Facebook. Screenshots people. We need em. This is like South Shore Turtlegirl’s wet dream.

P.S. The commentary on the New Bedford Guide’s Facebook page is amazing:

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35 Comment(s)
  • Socksy
    April 20, 2017 at 8:57 pm

    Seems that the mom hanging out the window was arrested a couple nights after 3rd floor was raised. For rape and human trafficking. She is still locked up. Will be going to supreme court. Pretty serious shit. Kharmas a bitch.

  • IWould
    March 27, 2017 at 7:14 pm

    Gray t-shirt girl: I’d hit it. Just sayin’

  • knowitall
    March 26, 2017 at 12:20 pm

    The elder foodstampotamus had her baby daddy deported. Elizabeth Quino.

  • Dentists Without Borders
    March 25, 2017 at 11:37 pm

    We’re so busy, can’t get to that call for at least two weeks.

  • Luis
    March 25, 2017 at 10:41 pm

    Who ever made this post is a D head kill yourself you really have nothing better on your agenda low life

    • MrSmiley
      March 25, 2017 at 11:31 pm

      Stop doing dumb shit, stop posting dumb shit, stop being a dumb shit and tbs ceases to exist. In the meantime go pound sand.

  • Marky Mark
    March 25, 2017 at 10:39 pm

    I wish they were dead

  • Dindu nuffin
    March 25, 2017 at 8:49 pm

    “Din du nuffin” is a racist term by the way. I’m sure you’re already aware of that though. It’s a slick remark used by closet racists.

    • Turd Burglestein
      March 25, 2017 at 9:13 pm

      By that logic, you’re a closet racist with your choice of screen name.

    • MrSmiley
      March 25, 2017 at 9:21 pm

      Riight. Like the walking dead t shirt with Negan on it saying “eeny meeny miney moe”. GTFO. Go back to masslive.

    • Kerri Bishop
      March 26, 2017 at 3:17 am

      I think people that assume that “din du nuffin” can only be said by one race (not sure which race you’re assigning this term to). I’m pretty sure its a low class/low educated way of saying “Didn’t do anything” The fact that you consider only one race as attributing to that saying is ABSOLUTELY racist. So go get a mirror and point and yell racist at it, asshat!

      • UsualSuspect
        March 26, 2017 at 8:48 am

        They got their definition from the urban dictionary which points to blacks as the origin. Fact is that this term could come out of any ghetto trash piehole, race is not a factor.

    • Reina
      March 26, 2017 at 10:01 am

      Not so closet really

    • Dindu nuffin
      March 26, 2017 at 3:43 pm

      You guys are all just a bunch of closet racists who sit around on the internet bashing people of lower income and different races. Anyone that can defend “dindu nuffin” is a weak, scared, piece of trash. You hide in your little closets typing away closet racist comments on your keyboards feeling tough. Too scared, too ashamed, too cowardly to speak how you really feel about people of other races in person. None of you probably have even met people of other races, all you do is sit around all day waiting on articles of people less fortunate with yourselves. I didnt get the definition of dindu nuffin from an urban dictionary I have personally been called it and mocked with it in real life just beause of my skin color. I have no “agenda” as one of you claimed. I just saw a racists term and i pointed it out. Maybe the author of the article wasnt sure dindu nuffin was a racist term. But im sure if he did research or even asked a friend of his that is a different race (which I doubt he or any of you have) he would see it’s not a good term to use. I assume he knows that though because the author seems to be pretty intelligent and up to date on lingo. The commentors on this page are as trashy as the people in the articles. I used this screename just for kicks because I will never comment or read on this page again because it is a counterproductive and toxic enviroment. The people that comment on here all of the time are more trashy than the people in the articles. Why dont we pray for our states wellbeing in stead of poking fun? Thats all i will say on the matter. So comment away keyboard warriors and internet thugs. Tell me I’m a virgin and tell me to catch aids and tell me to die with all of your weak high school bullying recycled words that you type away to feel better about yourself. And to anyone that actually got any insight from this comment, even if you didnt, God bless.

      • UsualSuspect
        March 26, 2017 at 4:02 pm

        I am not a closet racist. I hate all shitbags regardless of race, creed, national origin, etc. Welfare frauds, thieves, drug dealers, murdering gangbangers all can die in my world. Moms of crime victims always saying “he was such a good boy”, “he dindu nuffin”, lies! The innocent typically are not the victims of violent crime. My favorite’s are the ones that get shot and never know who shot them. Call it racist if you like, but the shitstains of society are comprised of all races. I call it the sad reality of the times we live in.

      • March 26, 2017 at 4:53 pm

        Your snowflake is showing.

        • Kerri Bishop
          March 26, 2017 at 10:00 pm

          Haven’t you seen people being mocked and chased while their racist attackers yell dindo nuffin? So racist. My god. Way to feel better about yourself by screaming racist and making yourself a victim. Sstg. I guess this generation never heard of the boy who cried wolf, these snowflakes cry racist so often that it’s lost all meaning. If you have to watch something and pay attention to race and label everyone due to shade of skin isn’t this the issue. Damn. I’m really tired of this victim mentality. It only takes away from what people who have actually struggled went through.

      • Did enuff
        March 28, 2017 at 8:46 am

        Says the person with no profile picture

    • Frank
      December 9, 2017 at 10:42 pm

      O IZZIT

    March 25, 2017 at 8:48 pm

    An alcoholic work steal our keys and drive to bar a junkie will steal your keys and help you look for them for an hour then take car to get high. Lol. I love junkies give them a smoke or a dollar and the love you

    March 25, 2017 at 8:42 pm

    An alcoholic will take keys to you car and drive to get booze, a junkie will take your keys and then help you for hem for 3 hours then take ur car to get high.

  • TurtleRider
    March 25, 2017 at 7:51 pm

    Her name is Amanda Pavao. I snooped on her FB, and she’s apparently pregnant with his baby too. She’s all over the New Bedford Guides FB defending him.

    • Jen
      March 26, 2017 at 12:05 am

      Cute so hanging out the window risking not only her stupid self but a child.

      • spurt
        October 19, 2017 at 4:20 pm

        It would’ve been more humane for the child.

    • Kenzie
      March 26, 2017 at 9:02 am

      The kid who got arrested isn’t even her boyfriend/father of her child‍♀️ Proves how much you kno

      • TurtleRider
        March 26, 2017 at 9:30 am

        Oh well shit happens. I made a mistake. Doesn’t matter though. She’s still a cunt whose pregnant, hanging out a window. Grade A mom right there. I just had a baby and I never did that, but then again my drug dealer wasn’t being put away either haha because I don’t do drugs

  • Diane Woods emerson
    March 25, 2017 at 7:37 pm

    I was really really hoping she was gonna fall out that window. I think I literally would have pissed myself. Again.

  • B
    March 25, 2017 at 7:24 pm

    Who’s the girl hanging out the window?

  • Sarah
    March 25, 2017 at 6:08 pm

    Hey just so you’re aware, the Massachusetts is spelled wrong on the ad for the tattoo festival..

    • Turd Burglestein
      March 25, 2017 at 6:22 pm

      It’s a festival for misspelled tattoos…no regerts.

      • Sarah
        March 25, 2017 at 6:24 pm

        Free my boi tatoos

        • ElJefe72
          March 25, 2017 at 9:01 pm

          Tittoos are better.

  • Turd Burglestein
    March 25, 2017 at 5:52 pm

    Can we make those safaris hunting safaris? I’m sure taxpayers wouldn’t mind if we culled that herd some.

  • Ha!
    March 25, 2017 at 5:50 pm


    • Gas Pipe
      March 26, 2017 at 2:50 am

      HA- why would you miss the fact that this is the most disgusting epidemic on the planet, and a pathetic cycle, by saying something that’s regurgitated by countless losers on this blog?

      Are you another scumbag on the take? Or are you the skeleton hanging out the window in the photo above?

      SSTG- please find the names of the scum in those photos and shred them.

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