This Day In Turtleboy

Fitchburg “Weed-For-Ride-To-Prison” Chick Is Hiring Attorney Dick N. Vulva For Massive Civil Lawsuit Against Turtleboy

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We’ve gotten so many requests from turtle riders to do re-runs of our greatest hits, so we decided to add a new category – This Day In Turtleboy. We’ll be reblogging some of our greatest hits that happened on around this day in Turtleboy. 

 

Update on the Fitchburg chick who was offering weed and Subway on Facebook to any stranger who would drive her and her boyfriend to Maine to visit their friend who is in prison on murder charges. Tiara Taylour says that as soon as she gets back from visiting her friend at Shawshank, she will be contacting her attorney for a massive civil action against Turtleboy.

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And which attorney will be representing her? Not sure. Although I know someone who never misses out on an opportunity to win an Internet lawsuit:

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Damn you Vulva!!! That guy is gonna be our downfall.

The best part about the Attorney Dick N. Vulva routine is when these cock biscuits message him immediately afterwards:

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Never gets old. Never will.

She was far from the only way messaging us about Internet lawsuits:

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But according to Tiara, she couldn’t drive to Maine on her own because she has a “medical condition.”

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Which apparently doesn’t prevent her from walking tight ropes:

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Look, does Dick N. Vulva scare us? Obviously. Dude is a shark in Internet court. But we’re not backing down from this guy anymore. Bring it. We look forward to the day we finally bring Dick N. Vulva to pound town, and this might just be the case to do it.

12 Comment(s)
  • Rick Shaw
    March 5, 2018 at 10:47 am

    What a stupid crack whore. She can’t even spell basic words. She should be chained to a conder block and tossed in the Charles. She’s wasting our oxygen.

  • Brian Albrecht
    March 4, 2018 at 6:48 am

    She looks kinda gross. would I bend her over a barrel and show her the 50 states? ABSOLUTELY

  • March 4, 2018 at 1:26 am

    You know your going to be sued for slander! Suck my dick you dirty little cunt! You’re nothing, just a peice of shit out of a spiders ass! You guys wanba know why she wears so muchbeye liner? I heard its because she likes to get punched in the eyes after taking her dog in the ass. She needs it to cover up her infidelities. God what a skank.

  • March 4, 2018 at 1:20 am

    She needs to be shot in the head as well!
    Go wash your stank aids infested clam box, you dirty little raccoon. A few more holes in those lips and you could wire them shut once & for all! I bet she gets fucked in those holes as well. She looks like a dirty little cockmongl like that. You know, the type of cockmongl you invite too a snuf party.

  • Finn
    March 3, 2018 at 10:49 pm

    Good news!!! Tiara is hiring!!

    Somebody (for the love of God) buy her a dictionary :

    ‎Tiara Taylour‎ to HELP WANTED
    Yesterday at 1:49pm ·
    Looking for one more make up artist
    And one more hair stylist

    Please tag anyone you might know or feel free to share.
    ::::::Requirements and details::::::::
    ***Must send me your portfolio (of makeup/hair youve done on OTHER people. A bunch of pics of makeup on your own face is not a portfolio or relevent to your ability to do other peoples makeup)
    *** must be available on 4/20 and have a car or guarenteed transportation to gardner ma for 1 oclock
    ***you do not need to be a licensed professional. I believe your work can speak for itself. However i will still ask if u are licensed or not just so i know.
    ***would prefur someone who has done formal events or professional photoshoots. — looking for recommendations.

    Yikes… nothing could go wrong here.

  • Sloppy
    March 3, 2018 at 10:47 pm

    What’s up with white trash chicks and eyeliner?

  • Alex reimer the filthy screamer and wacky creamer
    March 3, 2018 at 8:27 pm

    Hhahahahah my generation owns you and everything else. There is no accountability nor responsibility. We all live in our divorced moms basement and our absentee dads pay for it. Gender doesn’t matter anymore . WE choose our gender- not you and not the doctor who signs our birth certificate. WE are entitled to an education. We love video games and cannot function in a communicative society and choose not to. WE love 2nd chances and 22nd chances. Hey, look at me. Look at my boy knee-co at Salem state. WE WIN hahahahah.
    #Can’t fire me- I’m: Lgbtqweiejdhdhdutnnzjz872jhshshs883727/7
    #catchmeonweei.

  • Brother Turtle
    March 3, 2018 at 6:49 pm

    I will only give free* rides to females after I blow my load in their mouth. No exceptions for any female.

  • Castor Troy
    March 3, 2018 at 3:43 pm

    If you dress like Halloween, ghouls will try to get in your pants.

  • West Duzzies Shop
    March 3, 2018 at 3:16 pm

    Why do these recently pubescent graduated Friday the 13th – Freddy worshiping tarts all think they have juris doctorate degrees? First off Tai, Zahrah, and Kadasia (what the fuck were Fitchburg parents on in the 90s naming their kids after World of Warcraft characters, wanna talk about abuse). But did these chicks SKIM the constitution and read their own worlds into them? Chick in in prison, for lack of bail, for participating in a murder. Bitches, you need to read also up on accomplice laws. Assante may have actually pulled the trigger, but your dumb ass friend knew he was packing, was going to rob Morin, and had a fiduciary duty not to have a human shot execution style twice in the back of the head, over some pot buds. Let this be a lesson in life, 1) at your current ages, you’re dumb as fuck, 2) a journalistic forum calling a murderer a murderer is not against the constitution, and 3) hope your lives arent totally fucked with all those tattos. I have plenty of ink to, more than all of yous actually, but I can go to a professional job with not one showing. You stupid bitches have regulated yourselves to careers at the Dunkin Donuts counter. Shift manager doesn’t seem to be an optimum career ceiling. In closing, if one of your pack can execute a man for pot, Turtleboy Sports had a duty to warn people that you, Tiara Trailer Gutter, were from the same ilk. Who knows i some poor sap took you up on the ride, enjoyed your kind bud, only to have your BF blow his head off with some unregistered handgun. Please run by your lawyers.

  • Old Pete
    March 3, 2018 at 2:45 pm

    Shut up and show us your boobs

    • Teets on the half shall
      March 3, 2018 at 4:47 pm

      You’re kidding, right? Tiara Taylour has tennis ball tits, 2 little bulbs pasted on her chest. Not getting any bigger either with her puffin on the damn butts. Ash Goodbraker has decent size knobs, but they’re saggers. Probably got something to do with being yanked like wrestler turnbuckles by the guy she emojis as the love of her life but looks like old enough to be her father. Good ol’ Kadasia nosleep97 has saggers all the way down to her cankles, probably something to do with those “I chain smoke 2 packs Newporties a day” bags around her eyes. Forget about zahrah ceryanek, she just plain flat as a piece of paneling. That Dyson idiot she is with has bigger tits than her. I also don’t want themt o shut up, it’s absolute comedy what comes out of these North Shore spackle masters. As Uncle sez, “couldn’t make that shyt up.” lol.

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