All-Star Webster Mom Takes Nap While 4 Year Old Child Wanders Streets For 30 Minutes, Gets Saved By Chicago Bulls Flat Brimmed Hat Guy, Fam Defends Mom’s Honor On Facebook

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Normally when we write a blog about a guy from Webster who takes bathroom selfies in flat brimmed Chicago Bulls hats, they’re usually the antagonists. But for the first time ever the Chicago Bulls hat guy from Webduh is the good guy. Although he does come across as semi-chuddy a couple times in regard to his thoughts on Indians and the police. This is Justin Russell:

And on Wednesday at around 2:45 PM in front of Gilbert’s market in North Webster, Justin saw what turned out to be a four year old run into traffic:

Notice the kid is wearing snowboots in May, and they’re on the wrong feet. In other words, he’ll blend right in in Webster. According to Justin the child was very hungry, had a black eye, and did not want to return to his home:

He also said the “towel head” behind the register at the store was scared to call the cops because the child’s father is a gang banger:

Justin claims the he was with the kid for 30 minutes total, and the family never came looking for him:

My problem with his story is that he’s blaming the cops, by alleging that they picked up the child and dumped him back off at home, no questions asked:

Yea sorry, if you’ve ever referred to the cops as “pigs,” I immediately assume you’ve got ghosts of ratchet past in your closet. And this is the type of reaction he got:

Newsflash – there’s absolutely no way in hell that part of the story is true. Cops are mandated reporters. When they find a stray, malnourished child walking the streets of Webster, they’re legally obligated to call child services. There is a zero point zero percent chance they just dropped him off at the house and went about their business. This is how the real world works. Smart people question stories that seem too ridiculous to believe. Sheep blindly follow the guy in the Chicago Bulls flat brimmed hat.

But anyway, it’s not about Justin. He did a good thing. He potentially saved this kid’s life and he should be commended for that. And the rest of his story checks out because the kid’s mother doesn’t deny any of it. Her name is Ty Rodriguez:

Yes, that’s right. She’s a chick named Ty. But it’s OK because she dates dudes named Stacy:

Stacy and Ty. Sounds like the zing and zeen of the transgender prom.

Anyway, she is a 2014 graduate of Bay Path High School:

Which means her audition for Teen Mom did not go as planned.

She lists her occupation as a “full time Mommy”:

Which is weird, because normally full time mommies don’t lose track of their kid for half an hour as they run down to the store to grab a couple red bulls.

Normally when you’ve been publicly shamed (there are hundreds of comments and likes on the page and this chick is villain #1) it’s best to stay far, far away from Facebook. Not Ty Rod though. Ty Rod goes right to Justin’s page and defends her All-Star parenting skills:

And we’re off to a ratchtacular start!!

For one, she claims that he’s not malnourished, even though Justin said he could feel the kid’s bones through his shirt when he picked him up:

“My child eats 24/7.” Translation – there’s a lot of Doritos and Mountain Dew in my section 8 apartment.

So why is he so skinny then Ty Rod?

Oh right, high metabolism. The official excuse of fat people everywhere – unlucky metabolism rates.

According to Ty Rod it wasn’t a big deal because he was only gone for 10 minutes, and four year old kids wander the streets all the time:

Yea, what’s the big deal guys? It’s not like he was gone for an hour. It was just 10 minutes. Lots of normal moms allow their children to take 10 minute slum sociables through Webster with their winter clothes on backwards in May. No biggie.

Perhaps she didn’t have time to know where her child was because she was too busy saving other people’s missing children by sharing memes on Facebook:

She has pictures of other people’s kids, yet her page doesn’t have a single picture of her child. Yup, I’m sure she’s really, really involved with her child’s life.

And it wouldn’t be a Webduh hoodrat party if the fam didn’t stop by to share their thoughts as well, starting with Grandma Dukes, who I think we can all assume got her GED 1999:

Ahh yes, “Let he who is without sin cast the first stone.” The preferred biblical quote of gutterslugs everywhere. They’ve all been to church once in the last 20 years for a nephew’s First Communion, and God knows they’ve never opened up the Bible, but yet they ALWAYS have that particular passage in their back pocket, ready to be played at a moment’s notice.

According to Grandma Gutterslug, the child is perfectly healthy, her daughter does NOT receive government assistance, and she wasn’t home because she was working a “12 hour shift”:

Wait…..what? She has a job? But she says on the Facebook machine that she’s a “full time mommy”:

Oops!!

Oh, and I’m sure she’s NEVER received any sort of government assistance. It’s obviously beneath her. Because single full time mommies in Webster have plenty of money and don’t need any assistance from Uncle Sam.

Anyway, according to Grandma Gutterslug the child was with a “babysitter,” who they conveniently did not name. Then out of nowhere CAPS LOCK TAMMY and took the blame off Ty and the imaginary babysitter with a magical Webster run-on sentence::

FACKS!!!

So let me get this straight CAPS LOCK TAMMY……..At 2:40 he was sitting at home WITH HIS MOTHER eating lunch? First of all, what kind of bootleg family feeds their kid lunch at 2:40? Secondly, Grandma Gutterslug said she wasn’t home because she was in the middle of a 12 hour shift……somewhere. But can’t seem to mention what she does for work. Thirdly, if Mom was home, then why would there be a babysitter there, and why are you covering for this babysitter? Fourthly, you never said who you are. But from what it sounds like it appears as if you are the latest winner who was granted unlimited access to Ty Rod’s meat wallet.

He or she wasn’t done making tons of sense either:

Had to read that a few times before I finally figured out what it meant, because as you can see it is written in some sort of junior hoodrat dialect. Basically the gist of it is that it’s perfectly normal for 4 year old kids to be taught to put their clothes on backwards. After all, that’s how Turtleboy Jr. learned how to dress himself.

He had more “FACKS” to share as well:

Wait…..Ty Rod “DID WORK?” But I thought you said she was at home? Oh, and it’s not Mom’s fault the child got out because she locked the door. It’s the kid’s fault for sneaking out. The four year old child is the one we should be upset with. Didn’t you guys get the memo? Good parents tell their kids not to do bad things and then just kind of sit back and assume the kid will do exactly as they were told. Because that’s how four year old kids operate.

CAPS LOCK TOMMY wasn’t done changing the story up either. This time Mommy Ty Rod was asleep, but she apparently had instructed her child to hang out with Tammy, who may or may not live in the basement:

Because it’s not Mommy’s job to keep an eye on her four year old son. It’s CAPS LOCK TAMMY’s job to keep an eye out, and if he or she sees the child outside, kind of just bring him back inside and lock the doors again.

Auntie had something to say too:

True that Flora!! I hate when bitches be talking mad chit!! “How ever” was babysitting was ultimately responsible for this, since according to this version of the story Mommy Ty Rod wasn’t home. Therefore it wasn’t her “risponcibility” to watch “mi nices kid.” And if you can’t believe a woman like Flora, then who can you trust?

If you’re a gray haired broad from Southbridge with a bad tittoo who still takes duck faced selfies, chances are you’re pretty er risponsible yourself. Just sayin.

Finally, one family member apparently thinks the rest of them are full of shit:

If you use periods and capital letters, the chances of me believing your story increase tenfold. Plus, let’s be honest – I think after reading the brilliant thoughts from the rest of the fam, we all believe Amber’s story.

Anyway, I’m sure the Webster Police did their due diligence, and I hope this kid is never allowed back in the ratchet infested hellhole ever again. You get one chance to raise kids. That’s it. If you fuck it up, you lose that right. This isn’t a small fuck up either. The chick fell asleep in the middle of the afternoon and let her malnourished child wander the streets of Webster, nearly getting hit by a car. Luckily his flat brimmed Chicago Bulls hat guardian angel was there to save him and tell the story.

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