Anyone Who Doesn’t Think Hillary Clinton Won The Democratic Debate Isn’t Living In Grownup World

Anyone who thinks Hillary Clinton didn’t come out on top in that debate tonight doesn’t understand how grownup world works. 

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We’ve all had a good laugh watching the shitshow that is the Republican debates. Well tonight was the democrats’ turn. And unlike the Republicans, who have so many jackwagons seeking the nomination, the Democrats need some other guys to toss up there so they can make it seem like they’re not just handing it to Hillary. Here’s Turtleboy’s thoughts on the Democratic debate tonight:

  • Anderson Cooper was the star of the show. He was such an asshole and an instigator the entire night and attempted to force them to stand up for the most fucked up, hypocritical things they’ve done in their political careers. He was the itch that couldn’t be scratched. A+ job on his part.
  • Martin O’Malley is the most annoying person I’ve ever heard in my entire life. If that guy ever becomes President we’re gonna get taken over by France. He sounds like the guy from the Werther’s Original commercials. Every time I hear him speak I wanna punch things. On top of that he’s a walking va-jay-jay who apologized two months ago for saying “all lives matter.” Keep in mind he was the mayor of Baltimore, and somehow he’s not embarrassed to be running for President. No wonder the Colts packed up and left in the middle of the night.
  • Bernie Sanders can be alright at times, and for the oldest guy in the room he’s got more energy than anyone else. But he’s just so balls deep into the hippies you can’t take him seriously. At one point tonight they asked him if he thought all lives matter, or if black lives matter.

  • The correct answer was, “both, you fucking idiot.” That’s like asking, “What matters – girls lives, or 10 year old girls lives?” Black people are a piece of the American population. They make up “all lives.” Thus both matter.
  • But instead Bernie went into a rant about how black people are being murdered by the police for no reason and how we have too many jails in America. His solution? Jobs. Because when you’re president, it’s just that fucking simple to fix all of America’s problems. Give everyone jobs, paid for with imaginary government money, and then everyone will respect law and order and there will be no need for prisons.
  • This obsession with the “school to prison pipeline” and the “too many people are in prison” nonsense is the most ridiculous shit I’ve ever heard. Because in America we don’t have nearly enough assholes walking the streets. We should open up the jails and flood our cities and towns with even more assholes. This is why Bernie Sanders is not a real presidential candidate. But he’s got the non-voting college crowd and the Franklin County hippies SuperPac, so I guess he’s pretty much ready to move into the White House.

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  • The funniest part about that whole interaction was how as soon as they went to a question about black lives matter, Don Lemon appears out of nowhere and asks that kid from Ohio about his nonsensical question. Then Don Lemon started cracking up. This is why so many black people on Twitter hate Don Lemon. Nice going CNN.
  • I had no idea who Jim Webb was going into this, but that guy is one bad ass mother fucker. A no-nonsense marine from Virginia who somehow ended up in the democratic party. I’m intrigued and want to know more. Unfortunately they gave him about five minutes of air time, and he wasted four of those minutes bitching about how he wasn’t being given a chance to talk. He had a point at first but after a while he just started to sound like a little beyoch. Dude, you’re a marine. You don’t ask for camera time, you take it.

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  • Any candidate who points at Denmark and Sweden and says, “see, that’s how we should do it,” should never be allowed anywhere near the White House. Newsflash – those countries have 2% of our population, no diversity, and one common language. They also don’t border Mexico. But please, tell me more about how whatever is working in those easy to manage countries would also work in America.
  • And what the fuck is the deal with Lincoln Chafee? Is that guy just here for comic relief? There was one point in the debate tonight where they asked him why he voted for a bill that made banks bigger. His answer was one of the funniest things I’ve ever heard.

  • “Give me a break, it was my first day. I didn’t realize how I was voting. Plus I voted in the majority in it passed 90-5, so who gives a shit?” And this man wants to be president of the United States. I’ve given Mrs. Turtleboy better excuses for why I didn’t bring the trash out. Later on in the debate he said that we, “are just getting out of the Vietnam era.” This man is on a different planet than the rest of us. There’s only one man from Rhode Island I wanna see in a Presidential debate, his name Alfred Dente, and he never accidentally votes the wrong way.


  • Hillary brought her A+ sass game tonight. These teams weren’t even fair. At least the Republican side is an actual race. This is woman and boys. Politics aside, she is easily the most fit to be President of the five people on stage tonight. My biggest beef with her is how she’s denying smoking pot. Girl, you grew up in the 60’s and you’re a liberal. There’s no fucking way you didn’t get high. Please, stop acting like it’s the worst thing in the world. But if you somehow are telling the truth, that means you went to an all girls college and never smoked weed once during the best time in American history to be high. No wonder Bill cheated on you.

Like I said, this is all just a sideshow for the eventual Bush vs. Clinton showdown. At least Bush has a couple challengers (and no, Trump ain’t one of them). Marco Rubio could still get it done, but that’s about it. Other than that it’s just gonna be smooth sailing for the establishment. Because in grown up world, people like Bernie Sanders don’t get nominated by major political parties by asking hippies to support their GoFundMe’s.

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14 Comment(s)
  • October 15, 2015 at 2:19 pm

    It will be funny having a diddler for a First Lady -bill Clinton.

  • wtatnuckgangsta
    October 14, 2015 at 8:30 pm

    Bernie is a trend riding the train based on anybody born after 1989. He’s got a card just like everybody else. He’d get run over if he made it.

  • Sab
    October 14, 2015 at 6:06 pm

    Were all these people trying to out-hippie the others? Free stuff for everyone, Hooray!!!! Free college, free health care, free food, free housing, free booze, free drugs, free strippers!! C’mon down, you don’t even have to be a citizen!! Everything’s free in America! Umm, reality check here… NOTHING IS FREE! Someone has to pay for it, but if you promise free shit to everyone, they’ll keep voting for you. Can we please elect an adult who will say “No”. We’ve become like a country full of spoiled brats demanding cookies, or else. Another thought… Hillary is a real champion of the middle class and bemoans one percenters, yet in 2014 alone she and Bill pulled in a cool twenty eight million dollars. Geez, i wish I was as “dead broke ” as her. She is a vile human being

  • Kevins 9 Iron
    Frank Lee
    October 14, 2015 at 2:15 pm

    What the eff is Clinton wearing will you tell me? Anyone a fan of the old Dr. Who? I need to get counseling on why I feel so much rage when I see the way she dresses. Do they really sell that crap in stores?

  • White Lives Matter
    October 14, 2015 at 11:37 am

    Saying “All Lives Matter” is typical canned liberal PC bullshit. The correct response is “White Lives Matter”.

  • Kyle
    October 14, 2015 at 10:02 am

    You want us to be like Sweden?! The “rape capital of europe where the courts deemed it ok for Muslim men to rape women because of “cultural confusion that lead them to not understand what no meant, and saw acts of kindness be interpreted as consent for sex, like holding the door”

    This isn’t neocon propaganda Google it, Sweden who’s cultural relations expert joins ISIS because he was woo’d by the romanticism of beheading people. Yeaaaah

    Uber liberalism in a joke within immigration issues

  • Chris From Georgia
    October 14, 2015 at 7:57 am

    Jim Webb was the only rational person on that stage which explains why CNN didn’t give him much air time. Unfortunately this whole process is nothing more than kabuki theater as this will lead up to the coronation of Hillary as the Democrat nominee. As for the Republican nominee, that is still up in the air.

  • Thornton Melon
    October 14, 2015 at 7:41 am

    I watched the debate and was very surprised to wake up and see people declaring ol’ Bernie & Phyls the winner. I was wondering if I fell asleep and the debate I saw was a dream and everyone else saw something different. I mean how stupid can people be? Yeah he’s got ideologies coming out the wazoo. But just stating how shitty you feel everything is does not a legitimate presidential candidate make. Seriously he didn’t give one feasible solution to the problems he finds so egregious. I guess just saying buzzwords like “1%” and “inequality” is enough to “win” a debate. Even if he has no possible way of delivering.

    • Kevins 9 Iron
      Frank Lee
      October 14, 2015 at 9:30 am

      saying buzzwords like “1%” and “inequality” is enough to “win” a debate

      Hell it won the last 2 elections…

  • colleen
    October 14, 2015 at 6:40 am
  • yep
    October 14, 2015 at 2:15 am

    feel the bern

    • Finnish Goalie
      October 14, 2015 at 5:07 am

      You forgot the hashtag.

      It’s not real otherwise.

    • Z
      October 14, 2015 at 6:55 am

      Sanders is a socialist nutcase from Vermont…. Can we all agree that socialism is an assault on humanity? The day I take any politician from Vermont seriously is the same day I’ll choose Hunt’s Ketchup over Heinz Ketchup. It’s just not going to happen.

      • Wabbitt
        October 14, 2015 at 3:00 pm

        Umm… Hunt’s and Heinz are pretty much the exact same shit.

        And Sanders is a democratic socialist, like the modern Germans.

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