Around 300 Triggered Fake Turtle Riding Hoes Abandoned Ship Today When We Hurt Their Feels By Pointing Out How Useless Tomi Lahren And Flag Virtue Signalers Are

Around 300 Triggered Fake Turtle Riding Hoes Abandoned Ship Today When We Hurt Their Feels By Pointing Out How Useless Tomi Lahren And Flag Virtue Signalers Are

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We usually pick up a couple hundred new followers on Facebook every day as we march towards 100,000 and beyond, and whenever we add on another 1,000 turtle riders we commemorate on Facebook with a screenshot like we did today:

Except for the first time in TBS history, we get to celebrate the same milestone twice. That’s because as the day went on, and fake turtle riders got more and more triggered by our takes on the national anthem, the weak ones started abandoning ship:

Eventually it got below 98,900. When you factor in that we added another 200 new people today, that means we lost closer to 300 people. I apologize, 300 hoes. That’s who lost today – dead weight hoes. Useless, fake turtle riders, that were never really part of what we were about to begin with. Don’t worry though, they’ll all be back the next time some ratchet parents commandeer a school bus and put it all on Facebook Live.

Look, Turtleboy is not Fox News. I know some of you new people think this is your safe space from thinking outside the box, but that’s never been what we’re all about. At Turtleboy we call it like we see it, regardless of politics. And here’s some undeniable facts that upset people today:

  • Tomi Lahren is a fake conservative who’s only famous because she’s hot and is angry all the time.
  • Tomi Lahren stands for nothing and is very stupid and inarticulate. She admittedly is a millenial who bashes Obamacare, but is also on Obamacare.

  • Tomi Lahren tells whatever audience is in front of her what they want to hear. She was 100% pro-life during her rise to Internet fame. But when she went on The View, she was magically pro-choice. It’s almost as if she stands for nothing and is only interested in building her brand.
  • After Kassy Dillon, a real conservative, and filmographer of Trigglypuff, called her out on it, she immediately blocked Kassy on Twitter, because that’s what triggered snowflakes do when they encounter facts that make them feel uncomfortable – run to a safe space:

(trust me, I’m blocked by tons of snowflakes)

  • Tomi Lahren tweeted, “I STAND.” This is the definition of virtue signaling, and something we mock SJWs for on a daily basis. Just because she yells at a camera and claims to hate snowflakes and liberals doesn’t mean it’s not virtue signaling when she does it.
  • Standing up for the national anthem isn’t the only way to show you love your country. I express my love for my country every single day by exercising my constitutional rights. And for the record, if I’m in the stands at a game and the national anthem comes on, I’m gonna stand. I’m just not gonna call those who choose not to un-American. Their actions are very American. But their reasons are stupid, and I will mock that. Because that’s how freedom works.
  • I care more about the Patriots than I do about the national anthem and I will never, ever apologize for that. FUCK YOU if you think this makes me un-America you snowflake fascist blowhard. I hope this offends you. Nothing matters more to me than this blog, my family, Bret Killoran, Gupta Patel, and the New England Patriots. Because I’m a real fan. And anyone who would boycott this team because a fraction of the employees knelt during the anthem isn’t a real Patriots fan.

The bottom line is Turtleboy has never, ever cared about your feelings. That’s the unique part about being a part of this thing. We’re not going to be nice to you if you say or do dumb things. We don’t care if it offends or hurts you. Ya know who isn’t gonna hurt your feelings? USA Today. Go hang out on their Facebook page for a week and let me know if it’s more or less fun than Turtleboy. At the end of the day we’re never gonna agree on everything. And the 97,750 turtle riders that disagreed with us today but stuck around anyway understand that. The 300 bitches who left were fake turtle riding hoes who we couldn’t be happier to get rid of. But make no doubt about it – they’ll be back. They always comes back.


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17 Comment(s)
  • Nope
    September 27, 2017 at 9:02 am

    I agree with both sides. But I must say good on TB for calling out virtue signaling regardless of political stance. There are just as many snowflake conservatives as there are liberals. They’re just not usually as loud and blue haired. I do agree that athletes are overpaid and should just do their fucking job. Why even bother with the anthem at sporting events anyway?

  • Huh
    September 27, 2017 at 5:50 am

    Tb based in Europe???

  • True Reality Speaks
    Just Say No to Liberal Turtleboy
    September 26, 2017 at 8:02 pm

    You’re approaching “jumping the shark” territory, TB.

    Settle down, have a beer, and get over your butthurt with Tomi.

    You really are showing your snowflake tendencies with this.

  • Sharon Cox
    September 26, 2017 at 7:18 pm

    Yeah as a longtime fan I am certainly NOT “about” the Turtleboy that posts pics of unflattering pics and making fun of unsuspecting person doing nothing more than living their life like attending a fair or selling a mirror. You’ve progressed into nothing more than a know-it-all bully.
    And thanks for reminding me to unlike your Facebook page.

  • Puddintaine
    September 26, 2017 at 12:55 pm

    You know your doing something right when people of both sides of the political divide hate you. Go turts!

  • Kark
    September 26, 2017 at 10:27 am

    Turtleboy, when you said, “I care more about the Patriots than I do about the national anthem” you crossed a line you shouldn’t have crossed.

  • Shawn Silvia
    Some Days Turtleboy is in idiot
    September 26, 2017 at 7:03 am

    The NFL is the same organization that will fine people for celebrating, wearing the wrong shoeslaces or headphones but loves this form of “expression”. Hmmm something doesn’t seem right.

    Here we have a whole bunch of people that were made millionaires by their fans and that flag, yet now want to disrespect both of those things. Who will win this tug of war?

  • Jack Mehoff
    September 26, 2017 at 2:19 am

    You’re an asshat. The Patriots are our team but they are a collection of overpaid whiners. If they all disappeared – poof, abducted by aliens – one day, life would go on. Who would give a shit? If the United States was destroyed by Russia or China on the other hand, well, your attitude would be different. Wanna be journalists like you would be swept up into hard labor camps pretty quickly and re-educated.

    Show some respect for the country that gives you your freedom to disagree.

    • Jim
      October 12, 2017 at 5:11 pm

      You’re a fucking chode lick.

  • burd
    September 26, 2017 at 1:27 am

    tomi lahren is a fucking moron. this is a fact that has nothing to do with gender or politics.

  • Webster Turtle Rider
    September 26, 2017 at 1:06 am

    Pretty bent out of shape about losing fans, huh? You say you don’t care but then write an article about it. Low on material?

  • Bob E Lee
    September 26, 2017 at 12:20 am

    Worcester Digital Marketings days are numbered. Tutrtleboy is for provincial Yankee faggots anyways.

  • Sloppy
    September 25, 2017 at 11:09 pm

    I’m not a football fan, so I’m not too worked up about all this. There’s nothing for me to “boycott”.
    Personally, if I were a guy on one of those teams and all the black guys were taking a knee, I’d take a knee right beside them. It’s not that I’m not patriotic; I take my hat off and look at the flag when the anthem is played at Sox games and wherever else. But all of the political grandstanding over this has rendered the national anthem, at least when played at an NFL game, just some song.
    I’d cross my fingers behind my back and bite my tongue, but I’d kneel with my teammates, because that’s what you fucking do when you’re on a team. You sometimes have to sacrifice a bit of individuality to gather the mass into one solid machine. And you stand (or kneel) with those guys.
    Off the field, you may be a white redneck, you may be a black guy from the hood, you may be a patriot, or you might be a Bernie Bro. But on that field, you’re part of that team and when the rest of the guys make a move on something, no matter whether it’s stupid or not, you join together with your fucking teammates and have their backs.
    Deal with the political bullshit later.

    • Publius
      September 26, 2017 at 3:47 pm

      Good points made

    • True Reality Speaks
      Any Democrat
      September 26, 2017 at 8:06 pm

      Yeah – group think is cool!

  • Publius
    September 25, 2017 at 11:08 pm

    anyone who cares more about a football team than their country is a sad sack of shit.

  • Publius
    September 25, 2017 at 11:07 pm

    So now we have TBRINO. Please.

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