Boston, Lawrence, Fitchburg Elects Turtleboy Preferred Mayors, Holyoke, Brockton, Leominster Not So Much
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Election day across the state went OK. Some wins, some losses:
- Boston – win. We were rooting for Marty Walsh in Boston, simply because his opponent, Tito Jackson, is a race baiting bag of burnt assholes. It’s hard to make Marty Walsh look like less of a race baiter, but Tito found a way. Marty won, which was better than the alternative.
- Holyoke – loss. Alex Morse won pretty easily in Holyoke. Figured that would happen with a weak opponent. Oh well, sucks to live in Holyoke, where Mayor Morse built a strong coalitio of social justice warriors and drug dealing gangbangers.
- Lawrence – win. William Lantigua, possibly the most corrupt person outside of Chicago who was ever elected Mayor, returned from his exile in shame to challenge the incumbent Danny Rivera. For a fun rundown of all the shady shit Lantigua did with his harem of mistresses, read this. Only a completely dump like Lawrence could someone like him come back from the dead and nearly get elected Mayor. Luckily he lost 51-49%. Mayor Rivera is a really sensible democrat, who we were very impressed with when he supported his police for cracking down on New Hampshire chuds when they came there to buy heroin and posted this viral video of the cops yelling at them, more than deserved to be reelected.
- Newton – no horse. Ruthanne Fuller replaces Setti Warren as he runs for Governor next year. We had no strong opinions on either her or her opponent, as none of them really spoke about the only issue that matters in Newton – loud leafblowers.
- Brockton – loss. Notoriously douchey inncumbent Mayor Bill Carpenter defeated the upstart Jimmy Pereira in an election that was closer than many predicted. I can’t say I followed tihs one at all, but naturally we were rooting for the underdgo, and Carpenter just comes across as a chudmuffin.
- Fall River and New Bedford – don’t care. Both city’s mayors were both easily reelected. Guess things are going great in both of those lovely establishments. No word on who the Fall River Guttermuppet or New Bedford Foodstampopotaums voted for.
- Fitchburg – win. In perhaps the biggest joke of an election in the state, centrist democrat Steven DiNitale barely held off his challenger Alexander Vera, 4,325-612. The fact that Vera recently was charged over his involvement in handing off a gun used at a strip club shooting in Worcester, and only two weeks ago celebrated the charges getting dropped, probably didn’t help him. Why do Mayoral candidates in Fitchburg always have pending murder-related charges hanging over their heads? Obviously we were rooting for the guy who wasn’t involved in a Worcester strip club shooting.
- Leominster – we didn’t really look into this one, but we’ll take the loss on tis one. Dean Mazzerella has been the Mayor of Leominster since the beginning of time, and carries himself like an untouchable, washed up NFL franchise owner. But recent chaos and mismanagement involving the schools led to a write in campaign for newcomer Kenny Ricker. Writein campaigns never work, but yet somehow he nearly pulled off the upset, losing 4,527-4,360. If his name were on the ballot he probably would’ve won. Good for him for coming that close.
Somerville – loss. Joe Curtatone is by far the worst mayor in Massachusetts and it’s not even close. Unfortunately Somerville is now a SJW haven so a guy who publicly announces that the I-93 protesters should not be charged with a crime, and who flies the black lives matter flag at City Hall despite the protestations of the Somerville PD, wins easily in a landslide re-election.