This is Shane Hoban from Quincy:
He’s a 26 year old recovering from the “disease” that makes you stick needles into your body and steal your best friend’s debit card.
Years ago he did what roughly 72% of 18 year old males in Quincy do – began his career as an Internet rapper.
Lil Shayne. I usually don’t like to use the word “gay” to insult people because it suggests that there’s something insulting about being gay, but that’s the gayest thing I’ve ever seen in my life.
If limp dick had a face.
Here’s one of his biggest hits, which will more than likely give you AIDS if you listen to the entire thing.
“I’m a sex offender. I’m a sex offender.”
Bold lyrics Cotton. Let’s see if it pays off.
Turns out it didn’t, and neither did rapping.
After that he tried his hand at stand up comedy, and he must know somebody who knows somebody because he recently got a gig at a comedy show in Braintree.
For that event Lenny Clarke said Lil Shayne is going to be a “great comedian” because he’s got a thick Boston accent to accompany a skinny Quincy cervix scraper.
“Rants about current events.”
Just what the world of comedy needs – another Boston comedian who overplays his accent in order to hide the fact that his thoughts on current events just aren’t that original or funny.
Nevertheless he got another gig at 2 Twenty 2, a comedy joint in the North End, which billed him as “Boston’s hottest up and coming comedian.”
Lil Shayne was pumped because, I shit you not, the “DJ from Jamn 94.5” asked Shane to send him the video.
Jamn 94.5. There are people who still listen to Jamn 94.5. These are the same people who keep Tom warm at night on MySpace. And this DJ must really want to see him since he’s asking for the video instead of, ya know, paying $10 to see him.
Lil Shayne was really pumped for the show on Friday.
But alas it will not be happening.
It all began when a woman had the audacity to not want to have sexual intercourse with him. He handled it in the queefiest way possible.
Going on social media.
Because evidently a woman politely telling a failed rapper that she didn’t feel a connection can ruin her life. No one rejects Lil Shayne.
It got worse. Much, much worse.
“I got people coming from Jamn 94.5.”
I can’t see how this woman could possibly pass up an opportunity to play with his tickle stick.
What’s more pathetic – thinking having 5,000 Facebook friends makes you famous, or thinking your audience will find it humorous when you read off a rejection text on stage?
He kept going, even though she never responded.
And the rest was history.
Then more women started coming forward with threatening messages he sent.
When you think Eminem is real life.
Domestic abusers all think the same way.
“It’s your fault for making me angry.”
Their psychotic behavior is never their own fault.
And he likes to threaten men and send them pictures of his gun too.
“You’re a junkie loser from Weymouth.”
Oddly that’s one half step up from being a junkie loser from Quincy.
Unfortunately for him it looks like his dream of being seen by a random DJ from Jamn 94.5 will not be coming true, as his texts went viral with various women’s groups and 2 Twenty 2 cancelled his ass.
And they’re doing hosting an event to “support against Women’s Harassment & Abuse.”
Hmmmmmm…not sure what that means exactly, but it sounds good. Even if it’s written by a Salter School dropout.
To his credit he’s come forward and made a public announcement that it’s not OK to be an abusive prick to women who don’t sleep with you.
LOL. Just kidding. He’s blaming other people because he relapsed and pretending to be suicidal for pity likes.
And he messaged the guy from the gun pictures and tried to guilt him with a fake suicide threat.
Sucks to be you dude.
“Oh no, don’t do it. That would be so sad. You have so much to live for. Maybe get the rap career started up again. I’ll call Jamn 94.5.”
People like this are an insult to people who are actually suicidal because they’re doing it for attention and sympathy. He actually does this all the time:
Boo fucking hoo. No one cares about your “stigma” or your “anxiety.” You’re a selfish, lowlife piece of shit who thinks women owe you sex. That’s why women don’t want to go on dates with you.
The real miracle here is that this guy ever got a gig as a comedian in the first place. What’s funny about him? He’s not smart, witty, or humorous. I haven’t seen his standup, but I would imagine it’s a lot of, “Yea bro, when I get up in that pussy I go haaaaahhhhhd. I pahhhhk my cahhhh in her stankbox and fuck her all the way from Dahhhchestahhh to Mass Gen-ril.”
Plus, he’s a miserable fuck on Facebook. He deserves the public shaming he received like no other person in the history of organized Facebook shaming.
Please consider supporting local journalism by donating to the Turtle fund:
Hello Turtle Riders. As you know if you follow Turtleboy we are constantly getting censored and banned by Facebook for what are clearly not violations of their terms of service. Twitter has done the same, and trolls mass reported our blog to Google AdSense thousands of times, leading to demonitization. We can get by and survive, but we could really use your help. Please consider donating by hitting the PayPal button above if you’d like support free speech and what we do in the face of Silicon Valley censorship. Or just buy our award winning book about the dangers of censorship and rise of Turtleboy: