Nudniks

Boston’s “Hottest Up And Coming Comedian” Former Quincy Rapper Lil Shayne Sabotages His Career, Gets Boston Show Cancelled After Douchtastic Texts To Woman Who Rejected Him, Then Threatens To Relapse

 

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This is Shane Hoban from Quincy:

He’s a 26 year old recovering from the “disease” that makes you stick needles into your body and steal your best friend’s debit card.

Years ago he did what roughly 72% of 18 year old males in Quincy do – began his career as an Internet rapper.

Lil Shayne. I usually don’t like to use the word “gay” to insult people because it suggests that there’s something insulting about being gay, but that’s the gayest thing I’ve ever seen in my life.

If limp dick had a face.

Here’s one of his biggest hits, which will more than likely give you AIDS if you listen to the entire thing.

“I’m a sex offender. I’m a sex offender.”

Bold lyrics Cotton. Let’s see if it pays off.

Turns out it didn’t, and neither did rapping.

After that he tried his hand at stand up comedy, and he must know somebody who knows somebody because he recently got a gig at a comedy show in Braintree.

For that event Lenny Clarke said Lil Shayne is going to be a “great comedian” because he’s got a thick Boston accent to accompany a skinny Quincy cervix scraper.

“Rants about current events.”

Just what the world of comedy needs – another Boston comedian who overplays his accent in order to hide the fact that his thoughts on current events just aren’t that original or funny.

Nevertheless he got another gig at 2 Twenty 2, a comedy joint in the North End, which billed him as “Boston’s hottest up and coming comedian.”

Lil Shayne was pumped because, I shit you not, the “DJ from Jamn 94.5” asked Shane to send him the video.

Jamn 94.5. There are people who still listen to Jamn 94.5. These are the same people who keep Tom warm at night on MySpace. And this DJ must really want to see him since he’s asking for the video instead of, ya know, paying $10 to see him.

Lil Shayne was really pumped for the show on Friday.

But alas it will not be happening.

It all began when a woman had the audacity to not want to have sexual intercourse with him. He handled it in the queefiest way possible.

Going on social media.

Life ruined.

Because evidently a woman politely telling a failed rapper that she didn’t feel a connection can ruin her life. No one rejects Lil Shayne.

No one.

It got worse. Much, much worse.

“I got people coming from Jamn 94.5.”

I can’t see how this woman could possibly pass up an opportunity to play with his tickle stick.

What’s more pathetic – thinking having 5,000 Facebook friends makes you famous, or thinking your audience will find it humorous when you read off a rejection text on stage?

He kept going, even though she never responded.

And the rest was history.

Then more women started coming forward with threatening messages he sent.

When you think Eminem is real life.

Domestic abusers all think the same way.

“It’s your fault for making me angry.”

Their psychotic behavior is never their own fault.

And he likes to threaten men and send them pictures of his gun too.

“You’re a junkie loser from Weymouth.”

Oddly that’s one half step up from being a junkie loser from Quincy.

Unfortunately for him it looks like his dream of being seen by a random DJ from Jamn 94.5 will not be coming true, as his texts went viral with various women’s groups and 2 Twenty 2 cancelled his ass.

And they’re doing hosting an event to “support against Women’s Harassment & Abuse.”

Hmmmmmm…not sure what that means exactly, but it sounds good. Even if it’s written by a Salter School dropout.

To his credit he’s come forward and made a public announcement that it’s not OK to be an abusive prick to women who don’t sleep with you.

LOL. Just kidding. He’s blaming other people because he relapsed and pretending to be suicidal for pity likes.

And he messaged the guy from the gun pictures and tried to guilt him with a fake suicide threat.

Sucks to be you dude.

“Oh no, don’t do it. That would be so sad. You have so much to live for. Maybe get the rap career started up again. I’ll call Jamn 94.5.”

Yawn.

People like this are an insult to people who are actually suicidal because they’re doing it for attention and sympathy. He actually does this all the time:

Boo fucking hoo. No one cares about your “stigma” or your “anxiety.” You’re a selfish, lowlife piece of shit who thinks women owe you sex. That’s why women don’t want to go on dates with you.

The real miracle here is that this guy ever got a gig as a comedian in the first place. What’s funny about him? He’s not smart, witty, or humorous. I haven’t seen his standup, but I would imagine it’s a lot of, “Yea bro, when I get up in that pussy I go haaaaahhhhhd. I pahhhhk my cahhhh in her stankbox and fuck her all the way from Dahhhchestahhh to Mass Gen-ril.”

Plus, he’s a miserable fuck on Facebook. He deserves the public shaming he received like no other person in the history of organized Facebook shaming.

 

 

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40 Comment(s)
  • TheThinker
    May 8, 2019 at 3:51 pm

    I found this difficult to masturbate to.

    Difficult, not impossible.

  • johny west
    May 4, 2019 at 3:04 pm

    Shane Hoban sucks off mexican lawn rakers. Yo Shane you faggot

  • I regret reading this.
    May 3, 2019 at 10:25 pm

    I dunno what’s worse. The fact that this is called “journalism” these days (USE A SPELL CHECK AT LEAST), or the dirtbag this article is about.

    The author of this piece acts very high and mighty, but how many offensive phrases can you put in one article, and STILL act better than the subject? Jesus Christ. A high school student could easily write something better than this drivel.

    If that dude actually kills himself, how are you gonna feel?

    Obviously, he fucked up. But as a woman, this shit is SO FUCKING COMMON. He isn’t special. He’s insecure, and YES, mentally ill. Whether you sympathize with him or not, he’s got issues. People are allowed to have shame when they fuck up.

    And mocking addicts… For real? What year is this?! You’re really gonna deny the science behind chemical dependency and the effects on the brain? He’s got issues. Duh! But mocking him for clicks on your article makes you worse than him. This is biased garbage. Not fucking journalism.

  • FreeSpeach
    May 3, 2019 at 8:16 pm

    It sucks to read stuff like this. Hopefully he gets the help he needs and figured life out. I also know the parents and they are wonderful people. Nothing but respectful and pleasant. Mental health is not a joke and he clearly has issues. I truly hope he gets some sort of help. Not putting an excuse to it because I agree what he did was fucked up. But you never know what anyone else is going through so be happy with the life you have

  • bigploop
    May 3, 2019 at 7:41 pm

    This is great. I remember him “opening” or some shit for Chris Webby a long ass time ago i think at the middle east club. He was a joke back then and is a joke now.

  • Friend of Bill W
    May 3, 2019 at 5:27 pm

    Well if he is a Friend of Bill W. as he claims, he has missed the point or forgotten every thing that was told to him, or that he should have heard “in the halls” … call your sponsor and get to a meeting before you do something stupid.

    I am a friend of Bill W., for over 17 years now….. and in those 17 years I have had fantastic highs, and been lower than low, but I never picked up a drink because I knew what would happen if I did. I know I can pick up the phone and call someone, I can text someone, I can go find someone, I can go to a meeting, Cripes I can watch an episode of Mom… believe it or not they get a lot of it right on that show.

    Only my wife, family, and my closest friends know I am an alcoholic. When we go out I am the designated driver…. I’ll have a diet coke please.

    If Shane thinks his audience it tough on him, tell him to come to a meeting of “old timers” , there will be no mercy. We will offer to get him back on the path, but we are going to make sure he knows he is a douche in the process.

  • Imetmyhusbandatthebrocktonfair
    May 3, 2019 at 5:16 pm

    Gay reboot of grandmaster B persona. He’s an unoriginal fail. Boo this man if he shows up in any aa na meetings too. Well done quincy mama bear for beating the piss out of him. Keep handling your hood. Faith restored in quincy.

  • Lilshanehoban
    May 3, 2019 at 4:06 pm

    This kid told me he was a Boston firefighter once told me what house he was at and everything. Literally walked into Marshall’s the next day and he was behind the cash register

  • MC Cracker
    May 3, 2019 at 2:59 pm

    He can be the opening act for that douchebag from Billerica. They will end up life long lovers and live happily ever after

  • Don’tfuckwithamommabearthatsprogloves
    May 3, 2019 at 2:45 pm

    This kid makes my stomachs cringe. I am a female at the time he was 19 and I was 35. Let me start off with saying he IS NOT a drug addict! He is a narcissistic fag with emotional issues.

    I bet the shit out of him on Water Street in Quincy ! He was staling and harassing my sister at the time was 16 maybe 17. Regardless every dam day he was harassing her . She told him numerous of times she didn’t want anything to do with him . My sister was this tiny short fragile girl still is. So one day she ran to my job crying and she didn’t have to say a word I ran outside and with no words exchange I beat the fuck out of him leaving his little pussy crew crying laughing at him. He called the cops on me . Cops came to my job and he ended up getting arrested when they saw my sister was in fear . After he was released from is 24 holding cell. He had balls to come to my house with two females . Not only he was stupid to fuck with me I had 2 little kids at the time. So now my momma bear mode was severe seeing 3 people threatening and harassing near my house. So as they kicking my door I called the police to tell them they kicking down my door and if they succeeded I was kicking ass. Well sure enough as they went to kick I open the door 2 chicks went flying in my home and ass beat in my kitchen had the hold neitherhood for a witness. The mother of Shane came and threw a bible at my doorstep lol. The mother the whole family should be hung and left somewhere. He needs mental help. All the ass beatens he should know better by now.

    • The angry taint
      May 3, 2019 at 3:04 pm

      what private school taught you these phenomenal linguistic skills? oh wait nvm

      • Idgafwhatyoubelieve
        May 3, 2019 at 4:50 pm

        First off I was a pro female boxer at the time. I was always very competitive. Also, those two girls didn’t even swing at me so wasn’t very hard at all. Shit it may still be on the Internet you could see Kincaid park. Everyone I Quincy knew about it so I really can careless if you believe or not. The dude is mentally sick and everywhere he went he got his ass beat. Thank goodness for Ole Farrell boxing gym !!

        • johny bigcock
          May 4, 2019 at 2:52 pm

          Wanna have sex with me?

  • Wow
    May 3, 2019 at 2:31 pm

    such trash. this kid told me his sister was raped and it ruined his day, just hours after meeting me online. also pulled the “i’ll make you the most hated person in boston when i’m famous” bit on me too. fucking wild

  • Dumb
    May 3, 2019 at 2:19 pm

    this kid is insane. I met him online one day and a few hours later he tells me his sister got raped and it really ruined his day… who the fuck lies about something like that to get a girl he’s just met to give him some attention? fucking wild. he also pulled the “I’ll have everyone in Boston hating you when I’m famous” bit on me too.

  • Great Chow
    May 3, 2019 at 1:42 pm

    You guys could do a 3 part series on this loser, kids a clown. Claims he has an “addiction” to alcohol but like they said above, not true. Does it all for pity Eminem wannabe.

  • Piff Hoban
    May 3, 2019 at 1:28 pm

    I grew up with this kid in quincy and i shit you not,in high school he would invite everyone over his house to drink and smoke and that it was all provided by him. He would say his parents are on vacation and when 40 of us showed up his mom answered the door and was BULLSHIT.
    He gave himself the rap name “Piff Hoban” cause he only smokes piff but ive never seen him smoke weed once haha
    Literally every word of this fuckers mouth is a lie. Never seen someone be so self-destructing. He would post on facebook and insta how tough his life is. First off, i know the family and his parents are GREAT PEOPLE. I just have no fucking clue what happened to him but hes always been like this. He would call people out, threatening them, telling them that he will kill them next time they step outside of their house. He has needed mental help since for the last 25 years. Ever see the movie Malibus Most Wanted???
    If one person liked a post he made or shared, he would think it was the Gods themselves telling him hes going to be famous. Well buddy, you sure are famous now this shit went so viral, its all over the world

  • This is wild
    May 3, 2019 at 1:02 pm

    I don’t really know this kid met him a couple times but I’m from Boston around his age and I’ve been hearing this kids a clown probably since 2009 what a legit idiot

  • The Quincy Rap Police
    May 3, 2019 at 10:28 am

    This kid sucks at everything

  • Jack S.
    May 3, 2019 at 10:15 am

    I was the first comedian on the show at the Sons of Italy and performed right before this ass clown. He didn’t tell one joke the entire time he was on stage. He walked out with a Jason mask on like he was Eminem circa 1999 and talked about how much he loved Tom Brady, then made no effort to follow anything he said up to a single punch line. Then, when he wasn’t getting laughs, he decided to try to up his street cred by doing a few shout-outs. He even tried to get people to come to his side and talked about the troops. Finally, he went for broke and tried to get some sympathy by talking about his “addictions” and all the hard times he has been through. Well, I have it from someone who knows people that he grew up with in Quincy and apparently this kid is a lightweight who would drink a couple beers and play it up like he was so shit-faced he could barely stand. According to them he isn’t an addict at all and just does this for attention. This kid even tried to use my disability to gain sympathy for himself. I have been a quadriplegic since I was 13 and I talk about some of it in my act, not for pity but because it is part of my life and is relevant to the stories I tell. And this idiot had the balls to say “yeah, I have been through some hard times, just like Jack.” Hey, Shane, don’t use my name or my disability to curry favor or sympathy because you’re not being funny and winning over an audience. How you got another comedy gig at all blows my mind!

  • Main Vein Shane
    May 3, 2019 at 10:06 am

    I’M STILL FUNNIER THAN TREVOR NOAH!!!

  • marilu
    May 3, 2019 at 9:57 am

    Wow this feller has issues.. deep issues

  • Every Woman Shane Knew
    May 3, 2019 at 9:54 am

    Just an absolute piece of fucking shit. Always wonder what the piece of dirts parents are like.

  • That's CAPTAIN Jack Sparrow
    May 3, 2019 at 9:37 am

    arrrrgh the fine lasses in port royal wouldn’t touch this scurvy dog

    • Mental illness is no joke
      May 4, 2019 at 1:56 pm

      I know his parents and what’s crazy is his parents are actually extremely nice people this goes beyond parenting this is deep mental illness

  • Yayaya
    May 3, 2019 at 9:32 am

    Went on a date with this kid back in October. Told me he was taking me to the Travis Scott concert and how famous he was and I didn’t have to worry about a thing because he’s got hookups. Well he had no tickets and had me walk around for 4 hours. He tried sneaking into the concert and at that point I left. He sent me vicious texts afterwards because I didn’t want to continue things and wasn’t communicating with him. This kid’s a joke and always has been.

  • The Name Game
    May 3, 2019 at 9:03 am

    Shame Hoban-goblin, what a cry-baby. The guy he threatened on FB got it right, “Wah wah wah.” And he calls his parents psychos. What a d-bag. White boys trying to be rappers / hip hoppers with ghetto speak, gang signs, threatening FB sentagraphs and Justin Bieber side-brim hat selfies are just so pathetic. Next time he OD’s, skip the Narcan.

  • dsull40
    May 3, 2019 at 8:38 am

    I know this douche bag. The stories I could tell you about this kid would make your head spin. First off he actually does not have a drug and alcohol problem nor is he suicidal the crazy part about it is he actually made all that up in order to act like he’s been through something real and struggled with something very difficult only to act like he made it. His father actually has a drug and alcohol problem but not him. He’s one of those losers who wants to act like he is Matt Damon from Goodwill hunting or Ben Affleck from the town. He is fucking delusional but I’m dead serious he never had A drug and alcohol problem it’s all about trying to make people feel bad for him and give him this warrior persona like he’s had major struggles in his life but it still “made it”. I will say turtle boy as always for not knowing him or having a ton of details you guys nailed it and it’s about time this kid got called out for his bullshit. But I promise you just like Maude the fraud he won’t kill myself. But the stories I could tell you about this loser it would end up being a 5 part blog. His own family can’t stand him. Either way great job SS turtlegirl.

  • Yoda
    May 3, 2019 at 8:25 am

    A more punchable face. I have seen not.

  • Sir Wilfred Death
    May 3, 2019 at 7:21 am

    A major problem with social media is that it provides a fantasy platform for anyone who thinks that they are going to be famous. Talent, material, and hard work no longer required. The odds of becoming a wealth celebrity performer are perhaps worse than ever thanks to Internet competition.

    This is an immature person with poor impulse control. That’s it.

    Social Media is Cancer

  • Dr. Kildaire
    May 3, 2019 at 6:48 am

    The amazing ways a guy can step on his own dick…

  • shane dicksucker
    May 3, 2019 at 6:32 am

    fucking faggot

  • Two Patch Crappy Jack
    May 3, 2019 at 6:18 am

    What a chode….. A complete chode… You can’t ruin a “career” any better than that!… He will probably miss when he tries offing himself too….

  • ANGRY GIANT
    May 3, 2019 at 6:08 am

    Will he lose his job on the construction site?

    • Big Wick
      May 3, 2019 at 8:52 am

      They’ll probably tell him to picket a restaurant claiming their food made him sick.

  • DJ Mike Kelly
    May 3, 2019 at 5:40 am

    Only kid to get beat up do many times in High School Quincy High made him change schools

  • Lexington Speal
    May 3, 2019 at 5:03 am

    what a tard

  • And they say chivalry is dead...
    May 3, 2019 at 1:04 am

    What a catch.

  • Dick Scratcher
    May 3, 2019 at 12:17 am

    This guy is a prize knob-gobbler.

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