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Braintree Mom Takes Kids To Disney, Buys Car, Starts GoFundMe To Pay Her Cable And Cell Phone Bill, Not Looking For “Symphony”

Braintree Mom Takes Kids To Disney, Buys Car, Starts GoFundMe To Pay Her Cable And Cell Phone Bill, Not Looking For “Symphony”

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Believe it or not Christmas is only a couple months away, and that can only mean one thing – tis the season for whiny single mothers to start boo-hoo GoFundMe pages!! Here’s our first winner, Jennifer French of Braintree:

She’s not looking for “symphony.” Amazeballs. That’s the most ratchtacular misspelling these eyes have ever seen.

I also like how we have the dignity and respect to not put pictures of children out there, but their own mother has no problem plastering their faces everywhere so she can cash in on them. Classy.

Let’s break down everything that’s wrong with this particular GoFundMe:

“I am a single Mother of Two children ages 12 and 4 years old, I am in Desperate need of help right now.”

If you’re a single mother of two children, then you qualify for TONS of government assistance. But I guess that’s not enough. Because it’s ever enough.

“I am behind on Major Bills, (Rent, Car Payment, Cable, and Cell Phone)”

Wait…..what? She needs you to give her money for her bills because she can’t afford to pay for cable and cell phone on her own. Ya got that? Cable is a necessity now. She literally cannot live without it. As someone pointed out, she should probably just get rid of her cable if she can’t afford to pay for other things:

But she had an answer for that too:

Oh no!! Not termination fees!! Better keep paying hundreds of dollars a month in bills so as to avoid a small one time fee. That makes sense.

I ended up trading my car back in June, knowing that I was gonna have a hard Time paying for it, but I still went for it anyways!!!

Wait…..what?? She traded her car in for a better car in June knowing that she couldn’t afford it. But she went for it anyway. Now give her money. This can’t be real. It’s like she’s trying to convince you NOT to give her money. Yet she’s managed to raise $50 already!

“I’m not looking for Symphony, I know things are tight but I’m just asking and begging on my knees for any amount, every little penny helps.”

Symphony. I cannot get over that. I could read that sentence 50 times today and laugh louder each time.

“Please the thought of losing my apartment is beyond the Worst!!!”

Newsflash – you are a single mother with two dependent children. It’s almost impossible to evict you. You are in zero danger of being evicted and you qualify for Section 8. No one believes anything you’re saying.

But despite this lack of money she had plenty of cash for a trip to Disney World with the kiddos in February:

Editor’s Note: Turns out this is actually Disney on Ice. Oops!! Nevertheless the point remains the same – she can afford to go to stuff like this but can’t afford to pay her cable bill. Trash move regardless and our thoughts on Disney World are still exactly what you will read now. 

Disney is a priority. Paying your bills? We’ll figure that one out later. And by figure it out she means beg for it on the Internet by using her children to elicit pity donations.

Ever since that Quabbin blog last week I’ve really grown to despise people who think going to Disney World is some sort of rite of passage for American children. It’s the biggest money pit on earth. It costs and arm and a leg to get there, and $100 per person to get into each park, where you will wait in line for hours, go on terribly unfun rides, maneuver through a sea of abled bodied cheesehogs in motorized wheelchairs, and pay $14 for a fried dough lunch.

Newsflash – you don’t HAVE to go to Disney!! Ya know where the Turtleboy family went on vacation? Rutland State Park. Sure, every couple years we’d splurge with a vacation getaway to Whalom Park, or we’d pretend to be Holden residents so we could go to the town pool, but for the most part it was a bunch of turtles in a station wagon eating bologna and cheese sandwiches filled with Rutland State Park sand.

But that’s because I came from a family were two responsible adults took care of the finances. They didn’t make much money, so we had to do without things that idiots like Jennifer French think are necessities – cable, Disney, and Starter jackets. We bought our bootleg brand sneakers from Charlie’s shoe store on Water Street, drank a whole lot of tap water, and had a GREAT childhood nonetheless. Crazy, right?

Then again, what did you expect from a grown woman who uses the dog filter?

And in the least surprising news ever, this is not her first GoFundMe:

Yup, she had a $600 GoFundMe to get her sister to come home. Because her grown ass adult sister, and her grown ass, and her mother’s grown ass, couldn’t figure out how to get her grown ass home without panhandling on the Internet. And when she wasn’t getting enough money she did an update to guilt some more cash out of simple minded idiots:

Oh yea, her story checks out. Don’t worry though, her kids are getting get way better gifts than your kids are gonna get on Christmas, and you’re financing this all with your tax dollars.


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18 Comment(s)
  • October 10, 2017 at 7:24 pm

    “If I have to beg and plead, to da symphony”. Eddie Murphy Raw. Un fucking believable!!!

  • Bill Clinton
    October 10, 2017 at 5:54 pm

    Mom isn’t bad looking. Dress her up in some thigh highs and a nightie, and she’d do just fine.

  • WOW! Just, plain, old, WOW!
    October 10, 2017 at 4:56 pm

    This cunt wants money for the “nice-ities” of life, instead of the necessities of life! What a pathetic wretch!

    And what’s wrong with a fucking bus ticket for your lame ass sister? What the fuck does she want, a charter airplane?

    There’s always prositution! Maybe you two “peas-in-a-pod” can whore yourselves out.

  • TJB
    LT. Snozzle
    October 10, 2017 at 4:04 pm

    A symphony is an extended musical composition in Western classical music, most often written by composers for orchestra. Although the term has had many meanings from its origins in the ancient Greek era, by the late 18th century the word had taken on the meaning common today: a work usually consisting of multiple distinct sections or movements, often four, with the first movement in sonata form. Symphonies are scored for string (violin, viola, cello and double bass), brass, woodwind, and percussion instruments which altogether number about 30–100 musicians. Symphonies are notated in a musical score, which contains all the instrument parts. Orchestral musicians play from parts which contain just the notated music for their instrument.

  • Princess Slayer
    October 10, 2017 at 3:56 pm

    OK, I need to breathe before I type. Phew…OK, I am also a Braintree Mom. I was forced to leave my (well paying job) due to these pesky thing’s called tumor’s growing in my skull. We have fallen behind in several bill’s
    Rent and food have been our priority since we’re working off of my Husband’s income. We got rid of cable, took my car off of the road. Anything we could to help. I need a machine to breathe now because I have rapidly gone from stage 2 to stage 4. Braintree has it’s own electric company so they don’t have to honor the note from my Doctor. I am in a panic. I started my own Facebook page making goods for other people. I am praying that I get enough business to pay my bill’s
    Christmas most likely will not happen for my kid’s. This is where my frustration comes in (obvious by the length of my post. ) I can’t fng work right now. I am sicker than I would care to admit. I had a DTA worker tell my Husband and I to divorce so we could get benefit’s. I have cried more in the past year than I would like to admit. Sorry, but it’s stories like these that make my blood boil. Love, The stage 4 lung disease Mom who never complains, try’s her best. Thank your lucky star’s you have never been sick Mrs. French. It’s not easy. Turtle Boy has me all in my feels ..ugh
    P.S. I could get any opiate I want due to my condition, but I want my children to remember a present Mom not a medicated one

    • Big Baby
      October 10, 2017 at 4:13 pm

      Quit you crying Princess you cancer riddled tumor faced cunt! Nobody wants to hear your whining. I’m sorry but contrary to your belief the fucking world doesn’t revolve around you!

      • Princess Slayer
        October 10, 2017 at 4:28 pm

        Dear Big Baby,

        Some of us would kill to be able to serve coffee at a dunks or even get out of bed most day’s. We are the one’s that don’t complain. Hope you never find yourself in my position because I never saw myself here

      • 2wEntEe
        October 10, 2017 at 4:51 pm

        But there you are crying about crying.

        Guess that means you’re a double cunt huh

        • Princess Slayer
          October 10, 2017 at 4:57 pm

          Right, just like you’re a cunt for trying to troll me. I honestly hope and pray that you never get sick because it’s definitely not for pussie’s like you. I say that with love. . pussy. 🙂

          • 2wEntEe
            October 10, 2017 at 4:59 pm

            (I’m calling Big Baby a double cunt, not you)

        • Princess Slayer
          October 10, 2017 at 5:06 pm

          2wentee I apologize then. I was like wtf? Lol

      • Mike
        October 10, 2017 at 6:22 pm

        Good lawd, that’s a terrible thing to write!

        • chrissy
          October 10, 2017 at 7:24 pm

          yeah, that “big baby” thing def didn’t come from turtleboy people
          I guess it could have been the Go fund me womans?
          either way it looks fake it’s too abhorrent

          Sorry Slayer for the hell you are going through

    • itsjustme
      October 10, 2017 at 11:53 pm

      Please, please I beg of you, do not listen to trolls. Listen, I don’t know how all this stuff works because I’ve never used it but I have a scam artist cousin I’ve heard talking about it, they have several organizations that help with Christmas toys for tots, salvation army, some church’s, I think the fire station does something. I believe you need to sign up early, like late October, early November. Don’t feel bad about it, it is for your children and you’re sick. You have been a taxpayer and I would look into everything you and your family are entitled to, that is what the welfare system was originally set up for. Do it, and don’t feel guilty. I hope you get better soon.

      • Princess Slayer
        October 11, 2017 at 11:30 am

        Thank you so much. We were denied by welfare because we were $80 over a month. That was when the worker told us we should divorce so we could receive them. I will contact my local church for my children for Christmas and see what they say. Thank you again ♡

  • citypoint
    Go fraud me
    October 10, 2017 at 3:23 pm

    The French are always looking to get bailed out.
    No surprise it’s her last name.

  • 2wEntEe
    October 10, 2017 at 2:54 pm

    A bunch of turtles in a station wagon lolol

  • Lou P
    Blow Me
    October 10, 2017 at 2:53 pm

    She can earn money the old fashioned way, and keep all of it.

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