Brandon Spikes Says Bills Will Beat Patriots Twice Next Year And He Was “Four Years A Slave” In Foxboro

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Until a couple days ago I had no idea that Brandon Spikes was no longer on the Patriots. After all, he’s been one of the least relevant players of the last four years. I thought he was gonna be nasty coming out of college, but it turned out he’s just fat, slow, and useless. Apparently he can’t shut up on Twitter either…..

Hey Brandon Spikes, the jerk store called. They’re running out of you!! Ya see, this is the difference between New England and Buffalo. In Belichick’s world this type of shit simply isn’t acceptable. It’s like, we’re here to win Super Bowls, and ONLY win Super Bowls. That’s it. You wanna be a “look at me” guy on Twitter? Take that shit where the sun don’t shine – Buffalo.

You know what’s the least surprising thing about all this is? Brandon Spikes went to Florida. Nothing good comes out of that vile peninsula. Ever.


You made a great point there Brandon. Clearly being paid millions of dollars to play a game (although, let’s be honest, you hardly ever played), is the EXACT SAME THING as slavery. Must’ve missed that lesson in history class. Guess what idiot? You wouldn’t have lasted four days as an actual slave, never mind four years. You’re soft. You complain too much. You’re obviously not very good at completing assigned tasks. If you think Belichick was bad, wait until you see how Simon Legree would’ve made you feel. If Spikes was a slave in Foxboro, he was easily the worst slave in the history of the world.

Bad news bud – you now play in Buffalo. You have officially hit rock bottom. It literally doesn’t get any worse than that. Buffalo exists for one reason and one reason alone – it gives us an excuse to drive into upstate New York once a year, drink a lot of beer, and watch the Patriots win by three touchdowns. Then we order the smut channel and bill it to Brian Long’s room.


Look, anyone who has ever been to Buffalo knows that anyone living within a two hour radius of that God forsaken city is a rabid infrahuman. Therefore it’s understandable that the second Brandon Spikes set foot in that post-industrial dump he would start saying idiotic and offensive stuff like this. After all, Buffalonians and St. Bonaventure fans teach their young to call Patriots fans “fa**ots” immediately after emerging from the womb. References to Tom Brady engaging in various forms of gay sex are the norm, as can be seen here from the comments section on the Patriot hating website Deadspin:

Bk5L5JeIMAAm8-_Making references to Tom Brady and pillow biting in Buffalo are the equivalent of saying “Heil Hitler” in Germany in 1936. It’s basically how they say hello. Remember the St. Bonaventure fans from the Atlantic 10 Tournament? They basically sum up Buffalo in this video:

Hey Brandon, I got news for you. Jamie Collins did more in two playoff games than you did in your entire, miserable four year career as a Patriot. You had the privilege of being able to don the jersey of a champion and you completely blew it. You were fat, slow, and one dimensional. You can stop the run, which comes in handy in an NFL that’s becoming more and more dependent on the passing game. It’s gonna be awesome next year to see #51 coming just a fingertip short of deflecting a pass to Julian Edelman that he takes in for an easy six. I can’t wait for a Buffalo fan to call me a fa**ot right after that happens. It’s gonna be awesome.

You’ve caused me pretty much nothing but frustration since 2010. But luckily for you, you’ve arrived in the perfect place. A vast wasteland with absolutely no expectations. When you allow touchdown after touchdown next season to the Ryan Tannehill’s of the world at least they won’t boo you. After all, losing is pretty much all they know up there.


Honestly dude, it’s cute that you’re trying to get some sort of rivalry going here, but it hasn’t existed since Drew Bledsoe and Lawyer Milloy went there for a year or two. We’re trying to win Super Bowls over here, which means only thinking about the Denver Broncos and whatever comes out of the NFC. We simply don’t have the time to think about your new team of loveable losers.

Bottom line is that this is just par for the course on Patriot hating in the NFL. If I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a million times – they hate us because they wanna be us. When losers like Spikes go out of their way to fabricate rivalries that don’t exist, it just serves as a reminder that we are the feudal lords of the AFC East, and the Bills are our loyal serfs who exist solely for our entertainment. I couldn’t even imagine what it’s like to root for a team every year that isn’t one of the favorites to win the Super Bowl. What does that even feel like? Won’t know for at least four or five years. Until then, we’ll just keep winning.

Feel free to share your thoughts to keep the conversation going.

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2 Comment(s)
  • Tawmy Brades
    April 11, 2014 at 12:19 pm

    Spikes may be an idiot on twitter but please diont try and act like he was irrelevant to the pats defense. THey’re going to miss him a lot in the run game. Granted he’s not gonna make the Bills world beaters but come on.

  • April 10, 2014 at 10:33 pm

    I would imagine rooting for the Bills is like rooting for Umass. The reality is that neither team has a snowball’s chance in hell of winning anything but their die hards seem to think they do.

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