Your attention please – the Turtleboy Sports Facebook page has been suspended until Tuesday, March 22. In order to follow the blogs you MUST  like the Free Turtleboy Facebook page, which we use to post blogs whenever the Turtleboy Sports Facebook account is arbitrarily suspended. If we ever get shut down for good, this will become the new Turtleboy Sports main Facebook page.

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So our Facebook page, which is approaching 25,000 followers just got off of a 2 week suspension after a certain butthurt former mayoral candidate in Fitchburg reported every post we’ve ever made. As we’ve said before, no one actually works at Facebook. People act all shocked when they see that our site gets shut down while much more offensive things stay up. That’s because a human being doesn’t actually review when butthurts report a page. Ya see, Facebook is a multi billion dollar company that cuts corners by not paying anyone to run customer service. It’s why they don’t have a phone number or technical support.

Are you all getting this yet? NO ONE WORKS AT FACEBOOK!!! So many people don’t understand this concept. It’s a numbers game. If you create a bunch of fake accounts and report a page a million times a day, eventually the algorithm that Facebook is using will arbitrarily deem that one of those posts violates their “standards.” There is no appeal, because NO ONE WORKS AT FACEBOOK!!!

This is why it is CRITICAL that you like the Free Turtelboy Facebook page. While our account is suspended we cannot post, comment on or like any posts. We also cannot respond to inbox messages you send us when the account is suspended. The page still exists while it is suspended and people can post on it, we just can’t post anything on there. Got it?

Well this morning we woke up to this:

Because someone reported this post:

(Turtleboy Hottakes is the administrator’s page that runs the Turtleboy Sports like page.)

First of all, if Facebook keeps this nonsense up, then Facebook isn’t gonna be around for much longer. The worst thing you can do to the American people is censor them. Oh, you didn’t like that we wrote the word “cockbags” while quoting another person? Does that hurt your delicate feelings? Better get your ass to the Facebook safe space.

That’s what Facebook is quickly becoming. One gigantic safe space. The American people yearn to be free. They want to say what is on their mind. And so long as it doesn’t threaten anyone or libel someone, there’s nothing wrong with posting it. So if this is the path that Facebook wants to go down, if they really wanna make it one gigantic safe space, then Facebook’s days or numbers. That’s not Turtleboy talking, it’s the voice of the American people.

And just to be clear, this has absolutely nothing to do with the First Amendment. The First Amendment protects you from government persecution and repression of free speech. Facebook is a private entity and can ban whoever and whatever they please. The only thing that can take Facebook down is the free market. If they keep doing this to people then someone out there is going to come up with a business plan to create a social networking site where people are free to post stuff like “cockbags.” Then everyone will start using that site instead of Facebook and Facebook will be driven out of business.

Anyway, we’re going to fight this 30 day suspension but in the mean time we have taken steps to protect the Free Turtleboy page. Starting with this:

It’s too bad, Kevin Lynch could’ve been a nice novelty. We don’t mind when the butthurts post their rants on our Facebook page. Literally laughed out loud several times reading Lynch’s conspiracy theories about how he figured out how the many people he thought were Turtleboy was conspiring with the Fitchburg police and Mike Barnicle to destroy him. We don’t mind when you shit on Turtelboy on our Facebook page by calling us racist or homophobic because it always ends up leading to 100 comment threads which in turns attracts more people to the page.

But when you start acting like a little beyoch and reporting things because you think they’re mean, that’s when we have to block you. Because you’re not being fun anymore.

Anyway, we have to work with what we have to work with now. Over 60% of our daily traffic arrives via Facebook. Our main page has over 24,000 followers, but even our fallout shelter page has this many:

6,392. Ya got that? We have over 6,000 followers on our BACKUP page. We’ve already passed Masslive’s main page:

And we are closing in on Worcester Magazine:

How emasculating would it be if our fallout shelter page page surpassed Worcester Magazine’s primary page? Answer: Very emasculating.

You may have noticed last week that the site was down and up a lot. That’s because Turtleboy gets hacked ALL THE TIME now. Our previous hosting service (Bluehost) is a big company, and they hosted our site on the same server as several others. So the customer service sucked and they couldn’t do anything about hackjobs. It was pretty cheap though.

Now we’ve hired a guy full time who’s job is to host the site and prevent us from being hacked. We had to pay him a lot of money but it’s the cost of doing business and it’s well worth every penny. Yesterday alone he blocked 67 separate hacking attempts.  If you haven’t noticed since he took over a few days ago the site is significantly faster and our page views have almost doubled. This is what is going to take the site to the next level.

Anyway, the first person who posts on the Turtleboy Sports page and says something to the effect of “It’s been 8 days, no posts?”, gets the Turtleboy dunce cap. Don’t be that guy. Follow directions. Like the Free Turtleboy Facebook page and tell all your friends to do the same.

We urge you to support the Turtleboy Sponsors by doing business with them. Without them none of this is possible. Click on any of them to check out their sites or Facebook pages.

Want to have your business advert viewed over 1 million times per month? Email us at Turtleboysports@gmail.com for more information, and check out our website about types of advertising we offer.

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