WTF

Brockton Man Caught Wacking It In Abington Walmart Parking Lot Is Not Very Good At Being Discreet

 

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Brockton EnterpriseA Brockton man is accused of sitting in his car in a public parking lot and performing a sex act on himself that was witnessed by police officers, police said. Now Donald Holmes, 30, of Short Street, Brockton is charged with open and gross lewdness, second subsequent offense, said Abington Deputy Police Chief Chris Cutter. Holmes was released after posting $2,500 cash bail following his arraignment Tuesday in Brockton District Court, according to the clerk’s office. Police responded to the parking lot of Walmart on Brockton Avenue about 8 p.m. Monday after receiving an anonymous call reporting a man exposing himself in the parking lot. When officers arrived, they saw a man later identified as Holmes sitting in the driver’s seat of a vehicle “performing a sex act on himself,” Cutter said. “At the same time, he was watching a female who was in a car parked right beside him,” Cutter said. Police then arrested Holmes. His is due back in court on July 26.

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Of course this happens in a Walmart parking lot in Abington. Why wouldn’t it? If your town borders Brockton then it’s only a matter of time until some guy sits in the Walmart parking lot and pleasures himself.

And can I just say how amazing it is that masturbation is officially referred to as “performing a sex act on himself” in the police logs? Is masturbation too taboo or insensitive of a word?

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The worst part is that he got caught mid stroke. Seriously though, what the hell is wrong with this guy? Does he not have wifi at home? Has he not figured out that the Internet and the privacy of his own home will give him all the tools he needs to unleash his primal urges? Hell, he could even do it in his car if he wanted to. Just go somewhere that other people aren’t at. But whatever you do, don’t sit in the Walmart parking lot in Abington and make love to yourself while looking at some unsuspecting, fully clothed woman in the car next to you.

And how long was this spank-tra-thon going on for? Someone had time to not only see him, but call the cops and wait for them to get there. You would think if he was doing it in a public space that he would make it a quickie. But I guess this was one of those “special occasions.” Surprised he didn’t have candles lit in the car.

This obviously was not this man’s first time treating his body like an amusement park in the Walmart parking lot either. You’d think he would have an exit strategy, besides the “exit strategy” that he calls a climax. Ya know, you’d think he would be looking out for the cops or other people who might think it would be strange to see a man wankin’ it in public like that.

But nope. I guess he was playing “Beat It” a little too loudly and he got a little carried away. This man was in his own little world. He didn’t notice the cruiser pulling up next to him or the cop knocking on his window because he was already halfway to pleasure town and there was no way he was turning back.

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16 Comment(s)
  • Reddog
    June 29, 2016 at 8:19 pm

    Ain’t that the truth.

  • WormtownKris
    June 29, 2016 at 7:31 pm

    He could have just stayed home and looked at the new advertising all over the TurtleBoy site!

  • Joseph Schmo
    June 29, 2016 at 6:42 pm

    I will say this, if you COULD perform fellatio on yourself, why leave the house?? Although it sounds like he had things well in hand, he should think before he (sex) acts! He’s just lucky that there were no little kids right there, or he would be facing even more serious charges, not to mention some angry Dad or Mom ripping his eye sockets down to his navel!!!

  • Sal Monella
    June 29, 2016 at 5:43 pm

    Seriously, jerking off to the women of Walmart? He won’t get prosecuted because he is mentally incompetent to stand trial.

  • Jonny
    June 29, 2016 at 5:37 pm

    He lives on short street. LOL that’s the problem
    Lack of evidence. The evidence won’t stand up in court.

  • ItsAllABadDream
    June 29, 2016 at 5:26 pm

    Performing a sex act on himself makes it sound like he was blowing himself…

    • Wabbitt
      wabbitt
      June 30, 2016 at 8:34 am

      In which case his community service should be teaching others how to do the same thing.

  • Tudor turtle
    June 29, 2016 at 5:15 pm

    Donnie wadd ladies and gentlemen.

  • FiestyLawyerLady
    June 29, 2016 at 5:12 pm

    What kind of plumbing and imagination does this man have in order to successfully get a hardon looking at a woman fully clothed? What is he saying to himself, “Oh look at that sexy cardigan sweater wrapped tightly around her shoulders…button it up all the way for me bitch!” Yes, I bet he’s the weird type that never takes his jeans off when he fucks. He probably keeps his sneakers on too.

    • Wabbitt
      wabbitt
      June 30, 2016 at 8:33 am

      Must have been an exceptionally sexy woman. Hell, I won’t lie – I’ve seen some women that stirred junior to attention. But I have the self control to wait until I get home to rub one out.

      • FiestyLawyerLady
        June 30, 2016 at 10:13 am

        Well then that means your plumbing is exceptional! There are men out there who need A LOT to get it up, BE PROUD! HA! I mean this is the most non perverted way, but its a bonus when a man gets it up quick in a situation like that, it means there is lots of life left lol.

        It’s the part that he did it in a car in a walmart parking lot that freaks me out lol.

  • moor
    June 29, 2016 at 4:42 pm

    Obama will pardon him and invite him to the white house for a “special performance” with him & reggie love !!

  • BobnMic
    June 29, 2016 at 4:01 pm

    The Cops must have cracked up when he was booked as last name “Holmes” and living on “Short” St. I know I would. Lmao…

  • Devils Mouthpiece
    June 29, 2016 at 3:39 pm

    Did the cops at least let the poor bastard finish?

  • Captain Ben Dover
    June 29, 2016 at 3:32 pm

    This man needs an agent as he’s obviously been handling himself too long. If he could just hold it for over a year he would get capital gain treatment. If I were a cop I wouldn’t want this guy on my beat. Something about this story rubs me the wrong way. Maybe his girlfriend called, stuck in traffic, and told him to start without her. Does this guy know Dick Hertz from Holden?

  • Love, Me
    June 29, 2016 at 3:28 pm

    That’s hawt.

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