Hoodrat Heroes

Cabbage Trash Kids Whine About Rochester Police “Brutality” After Diabetes Bucket Gets Arrested For Lighting Off “Fire Walks” And Refuses To Disperse

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Love waking up on a Monday morning to viral cop block “police brutality” videos out of Rochester, NH:

“All over fire walks.”

Can you believe this is illegal in Rochester?

Had no idea.

Just to review, this was perhaps the least controversial police brutality video ever made. And an ultimate fail for our cop blocking, chudstuffing, voke-stached, ball of Crisco and broken dreams – River Parsons:

He’s 20 years old, which means the woman whose tampon tunnel he emerged from decided to name her fuck trophy after her favorite dead junkbox C list movie star from the 80’s. When you’re named after a junkie who was named after a body of water, it drastically increases your chances of making it onto Turtleboy Live. If you have profile picture with a Marlboro Red hanging from your mouth

If you wear white on white flat brimmed hats and have gigantic hemp tapestries hanging in your rub out lair

If you have children’s paintings hanging on your wall

Or if you’ve ever taken a tub with your trailer park stepdad of the month while sipping on Twisted Tea….

Then there’s a 100% chance you will be featured on Turtleboy. It is your destiny.

Just to be clear, nothing in that video remotely resembles police brutality. The cops tell Tubby Magoo, who is clearly causing a scene, to move along:

He refuses to, leading to his detainment.

He then tries to escape, AKA resisting arrest:

Because he figured that the two layers of bacon grease on his unwashed clothing would make it impossible for the cops to hogtie him, only to find out that he was wrong.

As you can see in that screenshot his elbow is still bent because he’s refusing to put his hands behind his back. This is also resisting arrest. One cop is holding a taser, which he does not use, and another a baton, which he also does not use.

Nevertheless, the schmuck dynasty crew continues to cry like the sad little bitches they are:

“He just pulled out a baton.”

The horror!!

“He’s only 18 and you’re pulling out a baton? Fuck you.”

Yup, because the fact that the walking bucket of diabetes is only 18 means that he’s allowed to resist arrest.

It wouldn’t be a night out in Rochester if some toothless wonder in a wife beater didn’t yell….

“Fuck you n word”

Because keep in mind, Rochester is the home of this man:


Tony Deyoung. Rochester, New Hampshire. Where rap careers go to begin and die.

Of course the real reason they were there is that it’s the beginning of July, which means that the cabbage trash kids think this gives them a license to shoot off fireworks at all hours of the night. But it doesn’t, even in the live free or die state:

And they were violating a bunch of those ordinances by shooting them off in the streets. So the cops came down to disperse them and the glutton goons started calling them the n word and refusing to follow simple directions. Case closed.

Here’s what River Fiendix had to say about what transpired….

So to sum it up, the cops responded to a call about “fire walks,” a bunch of assholes started confronting them, the cops told them to get out of there, morons thought this meant it was time for an open debate, and those who didn’t leave were either arrested or ticketed. The horror.

The comments were everything you dreamed they would be and more….

When your badge of honor is that the latest guy who’s nailing your Newport 100 factory of a mother is “in and out of jail,” you’ve gone full Rochester. But please, tell me more how the cops don’t wanna fuck with this guy:

Mess around with his rubber ducky and get shot, son!!

(The most hilarious part about that picture are number of discarded Marlboro Reds in that ashtray, indicating that these two queef carts have been in that tub for quite some time, and not just for the staged photo)

One of the cabbage trash kids who was arrested chimed in with his defense…

Evidently this junior jalopy is a student at Dracut High School, and will be for at least the next 3-4 years.

Just for the record, our boy River would NEVER call the cops….

But that’s likely because 99% of the the time he will have some sort of outstanding warrant on the books which would make it unwise to do so.

One of my favorite ratchet lines is, “Imma make this go viral”:


Especially when the video they’re attempting to make “go viral” will lead to public ridicule of them, and they’re too dumb to realize that.

Next came the, “why aren’t they arresting people for (fill in the blank crime) instead?”

Because everyone knows the cops should be finding out who stole Amber’s debit card instead of responding to calls about loud fireworks on public streets. They have to pick one or the other. The best is when people who have clearly never paid taxes their entire lives cry about how much the police cost the taxpayers.

Next came the Fuck 12 mafia….

If Ronnie shares this video then it’s GAME OVER for the RPD.

Anyway, Rochester really is a magical land that produces a never ending stream of ratchets for us. Never change Rochester. Never change.

19 Comment(s)
  • Mr. Leahy
    July 3, 2018 at 11:24 am

    More cops results in less chance of the police or the perp getting injured. Why do these slugs always interpret more officers as excessive force? Also, that fat shit was resisting the whole time.

    They seem to think getting arrested should be a one on one fair fight with the cops.

    Also, the shit that approached the cops near the end had his hands in his pockets, the cops should have taken him down too.

  • John
    July 2, 2018 at 9:35 pm

    I love the guy who did this whole post he took so much time coming up with names to call people and harass people I wonder if he takes the same amount of time licking his bfs asshole before filling his throat with cock!

    • JJ@AOL.COM
      July 2, 2018 at 10:03 pm

      JOHN. We turtle riders love, that you love, the writer of this blog & the names he used to describe you and your friends!
      JOHN. What us turtle riders dont love are ratchets, junkies, hoodboogers, sewer guppies & fucking retards like you, who cant use at least one fucking period in a sentence. Holy shit, if your going to attempt to be some kind of fresh prick. At least have the common knowledge on how to write a fuckin sentence, you dumb fuck. For fuck sake guy. your mother and some other peoples mothers, should have just swallowed you.. now, dont ever come back to turtleboysports.com again. If you do, I’m gonna find you, then I’m going to strip you in front of all your homie g dog, dude guy, dog dudes, then
      I’m going to spit in my hand & spank your ass like your fucking inbred parents should have. You dumb fuck!

  • Todd Packer
    July 2, 2018 at 7:04 pm

    A bath with your step dad isn’t gay unless it’s a bubble bath… Yep, those two are queerer than Scott Hamilton landing a triple lutz.

  • budman
    July 2, 2018 at 3:59 pm

    those are the kinds of idiots that will throw the lighter and hold the firework.

    • Too Tall Tim
      Fingerless Joe
      July 15, 2018 at 5:09 pm

      I hate when that happens.

  • Clitty Litter
    July 2, 2018 at 3:46 pm

    Rub a dub, dub
    Me and my stepdad in a tub.
    Can’t make this shit up.

    • Clitty Litter
      July 2, 2018 at 3:54 pm

      Two turds sitting in their own bum water.
      Cigarettes, bad breath and hotdog water.
      Should be an X-Mas card.

    July 2, 2018 at 2:41 pm

    Rub a dub dub, two cock smooches in a tub, going for that incest love.
    Haaahaaa the funniest part of this, is those people in the comments.
    ” shouldn’t the rpd be out arresting people for drugs and dwi” yeah maybe they should, but it wouldnt really matter because 99% of those commenters would be arrested for the shit they are telling the police, to go out and arrest people for. I’m seriously debating on if I should buy a couple hundred grams of fentanyl from china & give out free “samples” to the junkies. They way I see it, i would be doing alot of people a favor!

    • Kevin Fleury
      Richard Cranium
      July 2, 2018 at 5:39 pm

      The random act of kindness you describe is indeed also known as community service. BTW I bet it smells AWESOME in that bathroom……

  • Yuck
    July 2, 2018 at 1:47 pm

    Look at those fleek eyebrows!!!

  • The angry taint
    The angry taint
    July 2, 2018 at 12:47 pm

    Christ…..how much chlorine is in the gene pool up there?

  • Screw PC
    July 2, 2018 at 12:00 pm

    Rochester NH is fixing to move up the list of places that need a napalm strike. Not least among those reasons is that kid putting a cigarette in a dog’s mouth and talking “fuck the 5-0” hardo with that fucking haircut that makes Andy Warhol look like Rambo.

    This is the effect of the whole “thug life” mentality. It was bad enough when white trash just did acid and listened to metal. Now they’re taking life pointers from Chief Keef and Gucci Mane. There’s no hope for them. Assholes like these make Fentanyl look more like a solution than a problem.

    • Kevin Fleury
      Richard Cranium
      July 2, 2018 at 5:36 pm

      Fentanyl is awesome, more and more fuck faces removed from the earth everyday. Shit should be legal and sold in vending machines.

  • TJB
    July 2, 2018 at 11:01 am

    There is a time and a place for fireworks. A street with houses that are close together is not the place.

  • Real_Finn
    July 2, 2018 at 10:23 am

    Watching these idiots get arrested gave me great pleasure.

    What’s the harm in lighting illegal fireworks?

    Ask a veteran suffering from PTSD.
    Ask the parents of small children.
    Ask the owners of pets who go bat-shit crazy when you light that shit off.

    There is a reason fireworks are illegal. It because of ass-wipes like you. You don’t know how to behave nor use such things in a responsible way.

    Get Fucked,

    • Real_Finn
      July 2, 2018 at 11:09 am

      Side note :

      Adding jets to your tub does not make it a Jacuzzi. You’re still just taking a bath with your step-dad.

    • Fire Marshal Bill
      July 2, 2018 at 11:51 pm

      Usually fireworks are illegal in most jurisdictions because they start fires and cause injuries. Although did appreciate some of your other snowflake reasons too.

      • Real_Finn
        July 3, 2018 at 12:59 pm

        Fire Marshal,

        Veterans with PTDS is a snowflake thing? Dummy.

        “Usually fireworks are illegal in most jurisdictions because they start fires and cause injuries.”

        No shit jerkoff, I wrote : You don’t know how to behave nor use such things in a responsible way..

        Get Fucked,

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