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Love waking up on a Monday morning to viral cop block “police brutality” videos out of Rochester, NH:
“All over fire walks.”
Can you believe this is illegal in Rochester?
Had no idea.
Just to review, this was perhaps the least controversial police brutality video ever made. And an ultimate fail for our cop blocking, chudstuffing, voke-stached, ball of Crisco and broken dreams – River Parsons:
He’s 20 years old, which means the woman whose tampon tunnel he emerged from decided to name her fuck trophy after her favorite dead junkbox C list movie star from the 80’s. When you’re named after a junkie who was named after a body of water, it drastically increases your chances of making it onto Turtleboy Live. If you have profile picture with a Marlboro Red hanging from your mouth
If you wear white on white flat brimmed hats and have gigantic hemp tapestries hanging in your rub out lair
If you have children’s paintings hanging on your wall
Or if you’ve ever taken a tub with your trailer park stepdad of the month while sipping on Twisted Tea….
Then there’s a 100% chance you will be featured on Turtleboy. It is your destiny.
Just to be clear, nothing in that video remotely resembles police brutality. The cops tell Tubby Magoo, who is clearly causing a scene, to move along:
He refuses to, leading to his detainment.
He then tries to escape, AKA resisting arrest:
Because he figured that the two layers of bacon grease on his unwashed clothing would make it impossible for the cops to hogtie him, only to find out that he was wrong.
As you can see in that screenshot his elbow is still bent because he’s refusing to put his hands behind his back. This is also resisting arrest. One cop is holding a taser, which he does not use, and another a baton, which he also does not use.
Nevertheless, the schmuck dynasty crew continues to cry like the sad little bitches they are:
“He just pulled out a baton.”
“He’s only 18 and you’re pulling out a baton? Fuck you.”
Yup, because the fact that the walking bucket of diabetes is only 18 means that he’s allowed to resist arrest.
It wouldn’t be a night out in Rochester if some toothless wonder in a wife beater didn’t yell….
“Fuck you n word”
Because keep in mind, Rochester is the home of this man:
Tony Deyoung. Rochester, New Hampshire. Where rap careers go to begin and die.
Of course the real reason they were there is that it’s the beginning of July, which means that the cabbage trash kids think this gives them a license to shoot off fireworks at all hours of the night. But it doesn’t, even in the live free or die state:
And they were violating a bunch of those ordinances by shooting them off in the streets. So the cops came down to disperse them and the glutton goons started calling them the n word and refusing to follow simple directions. Case closed.
Here’s what River Fiendix had to say about what transpired….
So to sum it up, the cops responded to a call about “fire walks,” a bunch of assholes started confronting them, the cops told them to get out of there, morons thought this meant it was time for an open debate, and those who didn’t leave were either arrested or ticketed. The horror.
The comments were everything you dreamed they would be and more….
When your badge of honor is that the latest guy who’s nailing your Newport 100 factory of a mother is “in and out of jail,” you’ve gone full Rochester. But please, tell me more how the cops don’t wanna fuck with this guy:
Mess around with his rubber ducky and get shot, son!!
(The most hilarious part about that picture are number of discarded Marlboro Reds in that ashtray, indicating that these two queef carts have been in that tub for quite some time, and not just for the staged photo)
One of the cabbage trash kids who was arrested chimed in with his defense…
Evidently this junior jalopy is a student at Dracut High School, and will be for at least the next 3-4 years.
Just for the record, our boy River would NEVER call the cops….
But that’s likely because 99% of the the time he will have some sort of outstanding warrant on the books which would make it unwise to do so.
One of my favorite ratchet lines is, “Imma make this go viral”:
Especially when the video they’re attempting to make “go viral” will lead to public ridicule of them, and they’re too dumb to realize that.
Next came the, “why aren’t they arresting people for (fill in the blank crime) instead?”
Because everyone knows the cops should be finding out who stole Amber’s debit card instead of responding to calls about loud fireworks on public streets. They have to pick one or the other. The best is when people who have clearly never paid taxes their entire lives cry about how much the police cost the taxpayers.
Next came the Fuck 12 mafia….
If Ronnie shares this video then it’s GAME OVER for the RPD.
Anyway, Rochester really is a magical land that produces a never ending stream of ratchets for us. Never change Rochester. Never change.