Want to advertise with Turtleboy? Email us at Turtleboysports@gmail.com for more information, and check out our website about types of advertising we offer.
Sundance Clothing, a little boutique in Chatham, is looking for a little help in finding some skeezebags who stole a bunch of stuff from their small business. Chances are the chick that stole all the merch are tourists so the farther this spreads the better chance we have to catch them. 

We are happy to help spread the word but the amount of flack they are getting for shaming the suspects is UNREAL. You all know that we are big fans of small businesses and police departments bringing back the shame game and using their social media presence to help them catch the bad guys. 

The best part of this is that only one of the idiots who have a problem with what the store is doing are local. The other Chuds are from Florida or New York. GTFOH. 

Look at these winners: 

Now Natalie, a New York native who probably summered here once, is clearly from the hard streets of Elitist White Girl.  She comes from a world where snitches get stitches from horrid plastic surgery. She thinks defending a small business from being robbed deserves a death sentence to those on the right side.  Not surprising. She’s probably never worked a day in her life. She’s too busy buying derpy headbands. 

Next up! 

I bet you Milli, who is a DUDE, has a specialized law degree in Internet Rightness. You know, when he’s not the fluffer for the Depeche Mode coverband playing at his local dive bar in New York. 

Oh, that’s a visual I won’t be able to get back. His pretty necklace was clearly acquired when he joined the Sophia the First Fan Club.

I don’t think it’s right for you to use Facebook to show off your sexy man eyeliner and Disney Junior accessories. See how that works? 

Then we have Cheryl Siple. Normally I would have a number of things to say about this prime hunk of Florida hog cheese but her pictures really speak for themselves. She’s chiming in from the worst place in the US because she needs to let our police how to do “there job.” 

Looks like she could use the fashion advice of the pretty ladies at Sundance because… lord. 

One local guy decided to throw in his two cents as well. He’s from the hard streets of Hyannis. 

Reek Havoc. I wonder if he knows that means he smells and not that he is a force of thug nature. It’s hard slinging pancakes all day when yo heart belongs on the corner. 

Something told me that I should do a search on this kid to see how dope his street cred is. Turns out he’s got oodles of Google Trophies from that time he was an accomplice in a murder and more!

I can understand his distaste for snitching now. I just think he’s kind of losing his cred by showing his ass on a pretty little boutique’s status. Most real thugs wouldn’t be caught dead on such a girlie page. 

Just remember folks, before you start crapping all over a small business for doing what they have to do to survive, don’t forget the Turtle is watching. 

Call the Chatham Police if you know who the thief is. Feel free to just laugh at the other idiots.