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Caption Contest For $10 Smokestack Barbecue Gift Certificate: The Ware Vibrator Bandits

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So as a new feature we’re gonna start doing a weekly caption contest, sponsored by Smokestack Urban Barbecue on Green Street. What we’re gonna do is pick one picture from Turtleboy blogs from the past week and give turtle riders a chance to come up with the funniest caption for it. The winner gets a $10 gift certificate to Smokestack Urban Barbecue.

Screen Shot 2015-12-28 at 1.20.12 PM

This of course means we would have to have the ability to reach you if you win, so if you leave caption the picture then you’d have to use a real email address and not some of the nonsense people use now, like “[email protected]” The easiest way to caption the picture is by commenting on the Facebook page though.

We will choose the winner by picking from the captions that get the most likes. Since you’re more likely to get a lot of likes by commenting earlier, we won’t necessarily pick the comment with the most likes. This week’s picture is of the infamour Ware Vibrator bandits before and during their crime of passion.

Screen Shot 2016-05-18 at 9.48.10 PM

Go!!!

39 Comment(s)
  • The508
    May 27, 2016 at 6:36 pm

    “Piercings, Tatted and totally fucked!” #Literally #NotByHimThough #CameUpShort #HornyLivesMatter

  • JonnyBlazer
    May 26, 2016 at 12:30 am

    “Great men of geniussssss”

    “Great men of genius”

    “this time we present ‘wicked pathetic dude who has to steal vibrators and lube with his girlfriend and some other guy cause he can’t get it up”

    “he’s so pathetiiic”

    “here’s to knowing ur buddy cant get it up either”

    “he just cant do it”

    “great men dont steal lube…they, buy it!”

    “gonna have tons of lubed up sex tonight”

    “great men of geniusssss”

    • JonnyBlazer
      May 26, 2016 at 12:34 am

      Fuck…i mean “real men of genius” god damn it…fucking booze.

      change all the “great”s to “real”s…i could give two shits about the gift card, this is just for my pride.

  • Charredgoose
    May 25, 2016 at 8:17 pm

    I think everyone here has it wrong. In our time of unisex bathrooms, we have missed something. We automatically assume the kinky sexlets were for our sex crazed, suicide girl wanna be. I have a theory that the toys were for the boys. Inamy instance, they might have had better luck at home depot lifting power tools and plungers…

  • Big Papa
    May 25, 2016 at 8:17 pm

    I guess our white privilege doesn’t include lubes and vibes

  • Fatfingr Lou
    May 25, 2016 at 6:19 pm

    We shoplifted the Toy Dept at CVS!

  • wabbitt
    May 25, 2016 at 5:25 pm

    When the tremors settle and you need and actual vibrator.

  • Heather
    May 25, 2016 at 12:26 pm

    we had to get mom something for her birthday….

  • Del Griffith
    May 25, 2016 at 10:42 am

    Aww thshit, we forgot to thteal the damn batterieths!!

  • Talisman
    May 25, 2016 at 10:29 am

    Fragrance of Tuna Boat Shithouse in the air? Summer’s Eve is just a little further down the aisle.

  • Judge Smails
    May 25, 2016 at 9:43 am

    “Women claims that CVS would not allow her to buy a dildo with her EBT card, so she had to steal it.” Congressmen Jim McGovern petitions federal government to change the laws allowing needy dildo deprived families access to much needed sexual devices. Jim feels that the less fortunate should be able to purchase the same dildos that his wife has been purchasing for years without fear of persecution. In a statement to the T & G Mrs. McGovern said that she would even give her old dildos to any needy Massachusetts family because she has been ” riding the lightning for years” and will always help then less fortunate.

  • ItsAllABadDream
    May 25, 2016 at 8:52 am

    As if the tats and piercings weren’t ugly enough, check out these faces!

  • Kyle
    May 25, 2016 at 8:21 am

    Next week on “How I Met Your Mom”…

  • BlackandWhite
    May 25, 2016 at 7:54 am

    Meet the Dildoes

  • JoeMomma
    May 25, 2016 at 6:58 am

    Dildo’s…..When your dick does not want to touch her.

  • Devils Mouthpiece
    May 25, 2016 at 5:25 am

    “Duh, which way did they go” best I could conjure up with these two.

  • Jon
    May 25, 2016 at 2:40 am

    Local dildo and lube retailer, CVS, was recently robbed by three local crack heads. More at 11

  • Ronzo
    May 25, 2016 at 1:57 am

    Bus fare _ 3.00
    Matching Tongue rings 19.98
    Bootleg Yankees hat 10.00
    Having your face plastered all over the Internet because your a grimy bitch who steals vibes and lube because your skumbag boyfriend can’t get his come dick hard ….priceless

  • BobnMic
    May 25, 2016 at 1:03 am

    Caption:

    Before stealing a dildo you should think long and hard…

  • George C
    May 24, 2016 at 11:10 pm

    How many dicks does it take to get to the tootsie roll center of a hoodsy thot? Let’s find out.

  • Bill P.
    May 24, 2016 at 10:58 pm

    I kept staring at the photo trying to think of a caption, and I suddenly started feeling nauseous.

    Sorry.

  • Turtle boy fan
    May 24, 2016 at 10:31 pm

    Jail: bringing couples closer since 2016.

  • Jafreese
    May 24, 2016 at 10:23 pm

    “Just act natural…”

  • Jon
    May 24, 2016 at 10:19 pm

    Idiots rob CVS: Originally thinking CVS sold ammunition (which they planned on using in trade for crack cocaine) they soon discovered, the only “bullets” sold there were the ‘marital aide’ type; they decided to take what they could – including copious amounts of KY lubricant, on their way off the premises.

  • Gronkmonster
    May 24, 2016 at 10:10 pm

    We got the soft one this time the last one chipped all my teeth when I used it

    • Rochambeau
      May 24, 2016 at 10:53 pm

      or

      Pic 1: We chipped our teeth!
      Pic 2: I’d like to speak to the manager.

  • Rational Person
    May 24, 2016 at 10:07 pm

    Why did you remove the post with the girl shitting in the driveway???

  • Most interesting turtleboy reader
    May 24, 2016 at 9:58 pm

    “We don’t normally steal vibrators, but before we do we like to take selfie’s on our government issued cell phone”

    • May 25, 2016 at 10:47 pm

      We were gonna pick this one, but whoever wrote it used a fake email address so we have no way of contacting them.

      • BobnMic
        May 26, 2016 at 1:06 am

        Turtle pick a regular rider dude. Not someone that’s anonymous doubled down on an anonymous blog? That’s all kinds of 007 secret kind of shit. They could be KGB and how would we know?

        Then we would have to call the Pentagon, get permission, then start bombing stuff everywhere. That would not be good at all.

        Lol…

        • BobnMic
          May 26, 2016 at 1:29 am

          Just fucking around.

  • Turtle Rider
    May 24, 2016 at 9:42 pm

    (In the voice of the Dunkin Donuts baker): “Time to buy the vibe.”

  • Beavis Christ "Superstar"
    May 24, 2016 at 9:38 pm

    The difference between when your vibrators have batteries and when they run out.

    • GoneWest
      May 25, 2016 at 6:59 pm

      Anyone else see last night that the original caption contest was for the girl taking a shit? That blog was deleted pretty quick. Which is lucky for you guys because I had gold and would have swept this contest.

      • FiestyLawyerLady
        May 25, 2016 at 8:38 pm

        Negative, mine was better. I laugh at my own jokes though so……… no trusting me.

      • Rational Person
        May 25, 2016 at 8:48 pm

        I thought mine was pretty good too!

        • FiestyLawyerLady
          May 25, 2016 at 8:58 pm

          What did it say?

          Mine was, “Local Worcester teen volunteers to fertilize garden much to tenants disdain, those ain’t plants there weeds ya fucking losah”

          *Ba dum chee!* It was late, I find anything funny after midnight.

          • Rational Person
            May 25, 2016 at 9:18 pm

            It was something like, “Damn! That BBQ sauce was hot!” But funnier.

          • ProfessorM
            May 25, 2016 at 9:40 pm

            Mine was “Life is a crap carnival, with shit for prizes”

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