All-Star Criminals WTF

Charlton Moron Robs Homes With 2 Year Old, Wife In Car, Runs Away, Gets Caught Hiding Underneath Laundry At Home

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Worcester Telegram and Gazette: — A Charlton man is being charged with breaking and entering after he allegedly went into a Spencer home Friday and stole jewelry and a collection of baby teeth while his girlfriend and their 2-year-old child waited in the car. 

Timothy Schoener, 26, of 27 Stafford St., Charlton, will be charged with breaking and entering in the daytime with the intent to commit a felony, larceny of property valued at more than $250 and conspiracy along with charges related to three other break-ins or attempted break-ins in Spencer, according to police. 

Police said Mr. Shoener was arrested after a postal employee, who had been alerted to recent thefts in the area, called police when he noticed a vehicle parked outside a home on Hebert Road and spotted a man walking around the house shortly before 5:30 p.m. 

Police said Mr. Schoener’s girlfriend, Christine Iandoli, was driving his 1999 dark green BMW and she attempted to leave the Hebert Road area when police arrived but was stopped and told police her boyfriend was at a house asking for directions. 

Police said the man fled on foot. Police later learned a neighbor had provided Mr. Schoener a ride home after he knocked on the man’s door and said his motorcycle had broken down. 

Police began searching for him and located him at home, in Charlton, hiding under a pile of clothing. He was arrested. He was held on $1,500 bail and allegedly admitted to being involved in burglaries in the area, police said. 


Is this guy the biggest dooshnozzle to ever hit the 508? I mean, let’s take a look at all the giant boners this nudnik pulled:

1. He goes off to pull a robbery, The only problem is he doesn’t have a car, so he’s gotta get the baby momma to give him a ride.

2. He forgets to hire a baby sitter before robbing the home.

3. He forgets that 5:30 PM is broad daylight in early August, and the neighborhood mailman is still working at that time.

4. Instead of stealing the electronics or other items of actual value, he stole a collection of baby teeth on a string.

5. This guy could’ve hid anywhere, and he chose to hide under a pile of dity clothes in his likely run-down apartment. Because the cops would never think to check UNDER the clothes.

Now, I’ve never been to Charlton, but I assumed this was the wine and cheese crowd. Apparently they must’ve opened up a youth center there, or they snuck a out halfway house in without the neighbors knowing, because this kid has Webster written all over him.

You know how I can tell this guy’s a giant asshole? Because this is a picture he chooses to represent himself with on Facebook:

1560612_10153731532605447_769151477_nSo Webster it hurts. If that isn’t the face of a dooshnozzle, then I don’t know what is. He practically redefined the dooshnozzle game.

Here’s a question I have – why the hell is this idiot driving a BMW and I’m taking the bus or riding a turtle?

Oh yea, and how the hell is the baby momma not getting charged in this whole thing? Apparently you can just bring your two year old kid on a robbery spree with you and there are no repercussions as long as you ditch the daddy when the fuzz shows up. I’m gonna remember this the next time a feministo is rambling on about the “war on women.” Seriously though, I will gladly trade making 77 cents on the dollar for the right to never go to prison for committing the exact same crimes that men commit. (see teacher sex scandals for more examples)

And his Facebook game has been on fire on his girlfriend’s wall:

I love u both you mean the world to me changes are coming there’s no one who could replace you two in my life what I do for now on is for you two I come Third

So let me get this straight TJ. You’re gonna put your baby momma and kid first by bringing them along with you while you burglarize homes? Stop the fight!! TJ just won the father of the year award for 2014!! At least he was consistent with his list though. He said he was gonna put them first and himself third. Right on cue baby momma is riding shotgun for the 5:30 B&E. Presumably the teeth he was stealing would bring some extra bounty from the tooth fairy. And after that he comes third. I guess that means all the people he was robbing came in fourth though right? Hey, it’s not like he didn’t warn you people. Number 3 is pretty fucking high on the totem poll when it’s all said and done.

There’s just so much to love about this post too. First of all, awesome sentence TJ. Secondly, apparently by “changes” he means “I am going to stop ignoring your requests for child support and start robbing houses in Spencer with you.” And EVERYONE knows that people who say they are turning their life around always stick to the plan.

In all seriousness though – I feel really bad for the kid. I mean, she’s gonna read about this on the Google machine one day, and it’s gonna be tough for Mom and Dad to explain this one. I’m just kidding, everyone knows there is a 0.0% chance Dad will actually be there. Most likely he’ll be “weekend dad” by then, which means he’ll show up once every two years for the Harley convention.


This is just further proof that you should definitely need a license to reproduce. If you do have kids you should be allowed two fuck ups. The first one is the final warning. The next time you fuck up you have to give your kid to a nice friendly gay couple so they can actually take care of them and give them a good home. That’s strike one for these lovely people.

Feel free to share your thoughts to keep the conversation going.

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27 Comment(s)
  • sameproblem
    September 2, 2014 at 4:53 pm

    I know these two people very well they’re actually really good people with a really bad problem . if you’re not going to help an addict don’t hurt one. Drugs will drive normal people to do crazy things. I’m the guy who bailed him out so he can get a second chance and show you people that he is going to do the right thing. if society would show a little more compassion and help for people struggling with this problem it wouldn’t exist like it does.passive Shepherd Hill and ended up heroin addicts or pill addicts or alcoholics so keep your negativity to yourself what he did was wrong and he knows it but He will be paying for what he did,

    • September 8, 2014 at 7:57 am

      Hey what about the family whose house they robbed? Addicts like them hurt innocent people and now the kids from the familys house they robbed will always be scared and have that fear forever. How about showing “compassion” to their victims. “really good people” that’s such a joke!

  • ThisBITCHisaJOKE
    August 8, 2014 at 5:46 pm

    Hahaha inkd mom clearly this is the mother… Couldn’t give it away more with the goddamn name Dumbass. T.j was trash in school and clearly is now. Go ahead and play the poor me axed and say you were verbally and physically abuse but if this was so called “true” why wouldn’t you pull away when he was in the house? BULLSHIT you were abused I’d laugh in your face had I the chance! I’m a mother of a two year old and when her father chose to do drugs I left because my daughter shouldn’t be around that shit that’s what a MOTHER DOES! When he gets out you know you poor ass excuse for a mother will run right back to him we all know. Get a fucking life loser your just as bad as t.j TRASH your poor child deserves better let dcf take her to a real family!

  • Anonymous69
    August 8, 2014 at 9:42 am

    To set the record straight….went to high school with this kid. He was a gigantic piece of stinky shit even before he decided to try heroin. If anyone deserves it you’re looking at him. This story made my morning.

  • August 8, 2014 at 6:49 am

    Too funny when I look at the baby mommas page. Christine iandoli she writes about how she can’t wait for tj to get off house arrest and how she’s going to turn her life around for the sake of her daughter. If turning her life around means brnging her with them to rob houses so they can spend more time with each other than great job christine! Trash…

  • anym1357
    August 7, 2014 at 11:38 am

    “so webster it hurts” …he’s actually from uxbridge, you know the town where people shit on trains.

    • Wabbitt
      August 7, 2014 at 1:05 pm

      As someone who’s lived in Webster for 15 years – this dude IS so Webster it hurts.

  • T
    August 7, 2014 at 9:37 am

    You’re just as ridiculous with this stupid article you’ve written. People make horrible choices in life sometimes and unfortunately there’s always that one asshole who has to rub it in to an extreme. Let me guess…you’re going to say what he did was extreme so I have extreme words for him. I agree what this guy did was extreme but come on. You really feel the need to go on and on? Get real buddy go enjoy the rest of your summer.

    • Wabbitt
      August 7, 2014 at 1:07 pm

      Maybe if people like you would stop coddling these dipshits, they’d stop thinking it’s OK to break the law.

  • Wabbitt
    August 7, 2014 at 3:59 am

    Oh my fucking word – I just looked at the girlfriend’s Facebook, and she knows this little jittery pill head I used to work with. I suppose I shouldn’t be shocked in the least.

  • Sox chick19
    August 6, 2014 at 7:00 pm

    Awesome mom bringing the baby to a robbery ring !!! If her and boyfriend want to be thieves and criminals leave the innocent child out of it and the poor baby may always remember this its not like she is an infant !!! When she is older she can just google how amazing her parents are ! The poor baby is in my prayers

  • cutthecurve
    August 6, 2014 at 4:02 pm

    First of all, whoever wrote this article should not be allowed to write EVER. Just awful at it. And the mother pretending to be someone else is hilarious. BUSTED…

  • Wabbitt
    August 6, 2014 at 3:48 pm

    At least these nudniks are white. If they were any other color, the social justice warriors would be screaming racism.

    Also, the part about being “so Webster it hurts” is on the fucking money. I was reading this article at 2:30 in the morning, at work, and immediately afterwards had to call the cops on two homeless druggies (or as some of the commentors would call them – upstanding citizens) who were doing who the hell knows what in the bathroom. Not very well though, as they asked for spoons before going in there. I guess they didn’t get the message that plastic melts when you try to heat up heroin on it.

    And to clarify for the Turtleboy – Charlton is just as dirty as Webster, but with less people and more cows. It’s not the wine and cheese crowd – that’s Douglas and Northbridge (but not the Whitinsville part of Northbridge, that’s almost as nasty as Webster).

    • Rich
      September 6, 2014 at 3:26 pm

      Douglas?!? really? maybe ive been to the wrong parts, but douglas reminded me of webster a little bit

  • Joe Blow
    Yo Momma
    August 6, 2014 at 9:18 am

    I’m surprised these two figured out how to reproduce…..

  • Melissa Troiano
    August 6, 2014 at 6:43 am

    so nowhere in this article did it say anything about booze. second, so what of the mother strips, she was doing what she needed to do to support her child. and third, you don’t k ow if she was a willing accomplice, so before jumping to conclusions, try gathering facts first. you just sound ignorant

    • August 6, 2014 at 8:09 am

      I have FACTS first hand from the police that were there. PLUS there car was loaded with tons of stolen merchandise FACT!
      Her facebook is littered with partying pics. DSS needs to take that poor child away from her before she ruins her life more.

    • August 6, 2014 at 8:13 am

      pretty sure she was willing. she was driving the damn car dumbass!

  • August 5, 2014 at 8:49 pm

    Are you serious? Amazing mother? Lmao. Maybe she’s an amazing “waitress” at Mario’s where she strips lol. Gaurentee that’s where these two love birbs met. If she’s an amazing mom why would she put her child in this situation? Why would she be driving around with a car full of booze. Idiots!

    • inkd momma
      August 5, 2014 at 10:44 pm

      So there we go again…. looked at the Facebook page… WorkED(that’d be past tense…idiot) and no where in any article was there any mention of a car full of booze mentioned!! So once more… check the facts before posting Stupid Shit!!!

      • August 6, 2014 at 8:11 am

        1. car full of booze that she had to pour all over the ground when she got caught
        2. car full of stolen merchandise.
        3. you are her trying to defend your incompetence when you should be worrying about your daughter!

  • inkd momma
    August 5, 2014 at 7:24 pm

    I love how ppl are commenting and writing these things without truly knowing the facts and actual story!! If you knew anything about the mother/ girlfriend you wouldn’t be saying that type of shit!! And have you ever once taken the time to think about where these stories and the “FACTS” come from?! Its like the game “Telephone” in grade school… by the time the last person hears the message, its not even relatively close to the actual message!! And I do agree that the father is a total D~Bag, but with that being said the mother is an amazing person and mother and was completely dragged down and not only verbally, mentally and psychologically abused and I would hazard a guess that she was Abso~fuckin~lutely NOT a willing participant in this entire course of events! However, in the “douchnozzels” defense… if you know anything ( and I mean really truly 1st hand) about substance abuse… you could be the most upstanding citizen and do some really stupid shit for drugs!!

    • Good Mom
      August 6, 2014 at 1:43 am

      Hey we all know this is you Christine Iandoli. You brought your child alongside while you assisted in a felony. You can tell yourself you’re a good mom because you change diapers and have a pulse, but the reality is you’re a shitty parent who has no business raising an innocent human being. Do everyone a favor and give your kid up for adoption so she has a chance in life.

    • August 6, 2014 at 10:40 am

      Amazing people don’t get “dragged down” into committing felonies by their boyfriends. Weak people do. Weak, or stupid.

    • August 6, 2014 at 11:32 am

      Lol upstanding citizans don’t do drugs…
      And good mothers don’t bring their child along for a robbery with said drug addicted daddy, upstanding or not.
      As that childs MOTHER more self respect should have been shown, as well as looking out for the well being of the child!!!
      You are far to selfish and insecure to properlu raise that child.

    • FunnySh*t
      August 6, 2014 at 3:38 pm

      Y are you pretending not to be her. Two clicks and I found out. U didnt really hide your identity well.

    • Joey G
      August 8, 2014 at 8:10 am

      Christine is this really you? I know you work at Mario’s, but if you wouldn’t mind attending a rival firm for a night out with me that would be awesome!!

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