Chef Gordan Slamsly Advertises Home Cooked Hepatitis A Food Delivery In The Brockton Hub, Is Serving Up A Hot Plate Of Death Threats With Her Fool Tang Clan Family Members
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Hey guys, if anyone is having a hankering for some food-borne illness delivered to your door, look no further than the Brockton Hub, cuz Tricky Minage over here has you covered.
So, pretty much what I can gather, is that this broad went over to the Wal-Mart frozen food isle right around the first of the month, did some shopping, then went home to reheat it all, throw it in a gently-used aluminium pan from Dollar Tree, and hawk it on the Brockton Hub. Where all gourmet connoisseurs go to get their Epicurean fix, of course. The best part of this is when you look closely at the whole picture she used for advertising her home reheated Hepatitis-A roulette surprise:
Because if it’s not cooked in a random unlicensed barefoot stranger’s never-certified, never inspected home kitchen, it’s just not that good. Is this the face of someone who would irresponsibly cross contaminate your $6 pan of reheated crinkle fries and frozen TGI Friday’s mozzarella sticks?
Fear not, though, that picture of the welfare-mom dinner special wasn’t what you’ll be served, it’s just the picture she wisely chose for her expert marketing campaign.
See you guys? She may not be licensed in food handling, nor her kitchen inspected by the board of health, but she cooks with fully clothes, apron, gloves AND hairnet when it’s time to get down to business in her 100% non commercial business. And she definitely wouldn’t lie to you, because she was so forthright from the beginning.
Soon enough, Chef Bou-aur-feet’s whole Fool Tang Clang showed up, to defend her right to operate a bootleg catering business out of her Brockton Apartment:
Oh snap! Flava-Flav is coming for you because you disrespected her cousin’s E. Coli delivery service! Things are getting serious now!
That’s the face of a woman who will pull up to your house and cut you over some previously frozen chicken wings, for sure.
Naturally, Droolia Wilds’ love interest started messaging people, too, ready to home deliver a freshly opened can of whoop ass on anyone disrespecting his lady love’s salmonella plates for sale:
And obviously, these two are an entrepreneurial power couple, because in addition to selling you a hot plate of botulism with a side of ranch, they’ll also sell you a junkbox used car:
Or perhaps you would like a backyard bred official hoodrat puppy?
These people will do anything to avoid getting an actual job, consequences to the public be damned.
The best part was when big Mama hoodbooger chimed in to defend the family legacy of avoiding actual work at all costs, and expressing her racist hatred of whiypeppo.
Unfortunately this prime-A piece of the gene pool never showed up, presumably because he was tied up at Castle Grayskull, plotting his next move against He-Man.
Of course, when all else fails, the Barefoot Conmessa is totally capable of pulling up to deliver some death threats to yo’ door her damn self:
Not before showing off her freshly withdrawn $932.32 EBT deposit of the month, though:
While showcasing the backyard bred puppy standing atop a dingy looking food prep service, and what is clearly stacks of smalls bills under 1 crisp Benjamin.
And yes, I am aware that as far as we know this chick isn’t selling crack, or her crisco crease, or used Family Dollar panties. But running a unchecked dog breeding/used car sales/food delivery service is lazy, unscrupulous, and unsafe. With a little bit of creativity and overhead, she could have found a proper commercial kitchen (churches have them!) to rent for short money, gotten the proper certification and license, and a pair of goddamn shoes. There is a reason these things exist, and that reason is so you don’t get people sick with your plates of Ore-Ida and Dinty Moore beef stew or whatever else this chick is reheating and slopping into til foil this week.