WTF

Chillest Victim Ever Gets Stabbed By Tittooed Neighbor Then Shows Up On Keene Police Facebook Page To Offer Forgiveness

 

This is Caryzma Volante from Keene, NH.

Unfortunately Caryzma lacks charisma and yesterday she decided to stab a dude a whole bunch of times.

When librarians go wild.

This is Eric Eaton, the man she stabbed.

I figured when I first saw this that this was a domestic incident, since they’r both around the same age and this is Keene – the Colrain of the north. But as it turns out Eric is her neighbor, and since it’s Keene he’s probably the chillest neighbor you could possibly have, because he’s letting her have a mulligan for this one.

I’ve seen the family members of ratchets arrested for stuff like this comment on their loved ones mugshots more times than I can count. But this might be the first time I’ve ever seen a victim show up, quote Dispatch, and pull a Jesus. Eric is my inspiration of the day. Although there are some enemies I will never forgive and they must be my enemies for life (Gaffney, Rian Waters, Bristol Blarney), I too am willing to make amends with anyone who has wronged me as long as they are contrite and beg for mercy.

Go in peace turtle riders.

 

Please consider supporting local journalism by donating to the Turtle fund:




Follow us on Youtube, SoundCloud, Twitter, and Facebook.

Hello Turtle Riders. As you know if you follow Turtleboy we are constantly getting censored and banned by Facebook for what are clearly not violations of their terms of service. Twitter has done the same, and trolls mass reported our blog to Google AdSense thousands of times, leading to demonitization. We can get by and survive, but we could really use your help. Please consider donating by hitting the PayPal button above if you’d like support free speech and what we do in the face of Silicon Valley censorship. Or just buy our award winning book about the dangers of censorship and rise of Turtleboy: 

 

28 Comment(s)
  • Don'tFuckingTouchMe
    July 16, 2020 at 12:21 am

    Mental health issues? Most likely, but dude ain’t innocent. Doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure that out. Stabbed multiple times and forgive? Lol Ok. We only have half of the story here. Hopefully you do a follow up because if I had to guess Tie-Dye Timmy probably deserved it.

  • Your Little Man Syndrome is Showing
    July 15, 2020 at 9:55 pm

    “… Contrite and beg for mercy.” Of course you’d word it that way, with your delusions of grandeur. Stay thirsty for that power, champ.

    • Guinea Geisha
      July 16, 2020 at 12:36 am

      Your misery is showing Bristol. It’s dragging on the ground. Labiaplasty. Get one. Trim your beef curtains and beg for mercy.

  • North of the Border
    July 15, 2020 at 9:02 pm

    Caryzma…I didn’t know there was a strip club in Keene!

    On second thought, just as well. Those hippie chicks have more body hair than fucking Sasquatch.

  • Snarky Pete
    July 15, 2020 at 7:37 pm

    To the beta males. Next time you beg your woman to stick it in you, make sure she has a strap-on, not a knife.

  • Neat She
    July 15, 2020 at 7:33 pm

    I suppose when you think about it, it was a form of intercourse…dude’s just happy he got laid, one way or the other…

  • Sigmund Freud
    July 15, 2020 at 6:04 pm

    I wish turtleboy would do follow up story on these meatmucks,do they read what’s being said about them,do people see them out in public and say shit to them,do their friends tell them to screw.inquiring minds would like to know

  • Patric Deval Patric
    July 15, 2020 at 5:32 pm

    What a fag!

  • Jim
    July 15, 2020 at 5:11 pm

    You spelled Crazyma wrong

  • Guinea Geisha
    July 15, 2020 at 5:09 pm

    Sometimes all it takes is a mosquito on your testicles to realize that violence isn’t always the answer.

  • ElJefe72
    July 15, 2020 at 5:04 pm

    I don’t know. Looking at their photos next to each other, I think Eric and Caryzma might be the same person.

  • Close call
    July 15, 2020 at 4:56 pm

    He probably agreed to have sex with her until she took her mask off. The ugly tatts should have tipped him off. Getting stabbed was preferable. She had to be from Massachusetts.

  • george costanza
    The angry taint
    July 15, 2020 at 4:39 pm

    Can’t spell crazy without caryzma! what a fucking beta male, if possible I would bail her out and take her camping. The last thing she would see would be the swing of the shovel and the bag of lime she landed next to.

  • tousmp
    Sled Ted
    July 15, 2020 at 4:27 pm

    She’s got something on this guy no doubt in my mind.

  • Not So Fast Chimp
    July 15, 2020 at 4:25 pm

    And just like that, he’s gone.

    Kanye West has reportedly dropped out of the 2020 presidential race, less than two weeks after he jumped in.

    Typical nigba. Realized that there waswork to do then immediately quit. Monkey thought the blm movement meant he would be given the presidency.

  • hartf811
    Heinrich Himmler
    July 15, 2020 at 4:12 pm

    She has a better mustache that the “dude” she stabbed.

  • At least it wasn't an oven
    July 15, 2020 at 3:58 pm

    He’s a j£w. She did the right thing.

    • Hi Jewmerica!
      July 15, 2020 at 4:12 pm

      I see your summer rental in Provincetown has Wi-Fi, that’s good.

      I will look after your mom while you are down there!

      -Big Stein

    • ElJefe72
      July 15, 2020 at 5:02 pm

      Hi Nick Cannon, welcome to Turtleboy Sports!

  • bloop
    July 15, 2020 at 3:57 pm

    Slight mix up when they had the safe sex conversation. He brought a condom. She brought a knife (which she should use to clean up that mustache). Yelch.

  • The Spic Tormentor
    Spic Tormentor
    July 15, 2020 at 3:51 pm

    Getting worked by some tatted up hippie skank is emasculating even if you are a beta male with vegan muscles

    • Unless...
      July 15, 2020 at 4:14 pm

      He tried and failed to cast the demons out of his friend after warning her not to buy the white witch how-to book. Because there’s no such thing as “good” witchcraft.

      Actually, that’s still emasculating

      I do get the feeling the guy might be thinking along the lines of a pastor when he hoped for “the help she needs”

  • Snarky Pete
    July 15, 2020 at 3:37 pm

    That’ll teach him trying to escape the “Friend Zone”

  • foleyworld
    Casino Scum
    July 15, 2020 at 3:36 pm

    The crazy ones are great in bed, would!

  • Janover
    July 15, 2020 at 3:06 pm

    Ima stab you

  • Eric may forgive you honey
    July 15, 2020 at 2:51 pm

    But the courts won’t!

    Jeez-Louise.

  • Diego
    July 15, 2020 at 2:51 pm

    He wants a piece of crazy. It’s the only reason to forgive her.

    • Eric Wunschel
      Party of one
      July 15, 2020 at 2:57 pm

      It’s lonely out there in Keene

Comment on this Post

*

RELATED POSTS
This Truck Driver Was Really, Really Pissed About The 65 Car Accident Pile Up On 290 In Worcester.
Chinese Guy Jumps Seven Floors To His Death To Get Out Of Shopping With Girlfriend
South African Dude Who Pretended To Sign Language Obama’s Nelson Mandela Speech Is Apparently An Insane Murdering Rapist?