Hoodrat Heroes

Clam To Clam Combat Over Zipper Sausage Leads To A+ Ratchet Rumpus In Hartford

“Mommy, why do you have a black eye?” “Well, b, your papi can’t keep his bacon bazooka in his True Religions, and the local ratchivores are challenging my position as his top gravy boat.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Want to advertise with Turtleboy? Email us at [email protected] for more information.

Our Twitter account is suspended. Click on the image to follow @FreeMuhTurtle while we try to get our account back.

Holla atcha girl: [email protected]

 

 

 

 

With the Holidays in full swing, we wanted to bring you something that would make those spirits merry and bright – a good ol’ fashioned ho’down throwdown ratchet fight:

 

The video starts off with this chick

Chelsea La Rose on her knees, getting swung around by her locks

 

 


by this heffalump in her best clubbin’ jeans from Rainbow

 

 

and this smokealotofpeen in her best back-boob showcasing ensemble

 

 

 

They have been identified as sisters Maribel & Marilyn Berrios, of Hartford


Cat filter – checkarooni, and saving the world from bullies one Facebook photo frame at a time

Unfortunately, they’ve both since taken down their pages – guess they had a hard time defending their hoodratchetry

 

This dynamic duo

 

decided to ambush Chelsea outside of Club Vanish because one of them is chomping on her beef bulletThis fine specimen, Alex De Jesus, also of Hartford

 

The entire thing lasts for about a minute, with M&M tag-teaming poor Chels while she whimpers and squawks like a seagull for a Kelly’s french fry. At the end of the video, it’s clear that this is a full on jump situation and Chelsea isn’t interested in fighting back.

 

On the ground and flopping around like a suffocating salmon, Chels is left to fend for herself while her cooch cork is busy peacocking around the perimeter of the fight

and trying not to trip over his ankle warmers in the process

 

At the end of the fight, as Chels is finally scraping herself off the pavement, this ham sandwich on the left

reaches over as Chelsea turns around and

YOINK! Gotcha.

She snatches Chelsea up by her mop and whacks her around a few times

 

This cowardly sea cow has been ID’d as 

Marilyn Morales, who resembles a baked potato

Image may contain: 1 person, night, selfie, closeup and indoor

not sure what (hot) dog she had in this fight, but I’d love to find out.

 

Anyway, turns out, Chelsea and Alex are recently engaged

and have not one or two or even THREE crotchfruit together…

 

Chels has had a whopping FOUR baby ratchimals flop out of her tunaflap

Gotta hand it to her, though – those Gerber servers have held up well.

 

It seems that Alex has a penchant for unleashing his trouser trout all over Connecticut, driving hoodbunnies cucumber crazy from Enfield to Darien.

 

He also likes to try to justify his behavior by sharing very intelligent memes

Don’t worry Chels, he loves you boo! He’s only banging these beefalopes because his yogurt slinger will explode if he doesn’t keep it at steady 55 sp/h (strokes per hour)

and we can’t go ruining that Fooey Vuitton belt, now can we?

 

Plus, I mean, where else does she expect to find a man who works this hard to take care of his brood?

Everyone’s approved! 100 emoji

 

Ya just can’t do it. He’s the creme de la Connecticut creme. Sounds like Chelsea has a lot of thinking to do about the type of role model she wants for her kiddos.

If you want a role model for your kids, though, you gotta be one

just sayin

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

9 Comment(s)
  • Hartford Turtlerider
    November 29, 2017 at 9:38 am

    Club Vanish used to be the Vevo Lounge. That might sound familiar because Aaron Hernandez hung out there regularly and a buddy of his got 5 years for shooting someone there. Nice to see that under a new name it remains unchanged.

  • Rich
    November 28, 2017 at 9:32 am

    Hartford celebrates diversity!!

  • Bleh
    November 28, 2017 at 12:16 am

    A bootleg Joker in a Bulls hat…if there is ever a TBS calendar, that has GOT to be October right there!

  • Irishcurse
    November 27, 2017 at 7:21 pm

    ” whimpers and squawks like a seagull for a Kelly’s french fry” I snorted when I laughed. Just a bunch of fucking animals. The gold Bulls hat must mean he achieved some Master Douchbag level

  • The Rant Queen
    November 27, 2017 at 4:00 pm

    “Puddin with my ridder her puddin” ??? How ignorant is this fuckmop?

    Oh and Chelsea’s gerber servers only look okay because bras are a thing. I guarantee they go down to her navel when they’re unrolled and released from the bra. Those skanks definitely couldn’t fight one on one. They never fucking can, though, can they? They’re cowardly ratchets and that isn’t ever going to change. I’ll bet Chelsea herself would’ve jumped a bitch, w/ ten other skanks, if the roles were reversed. None of them are any better than the other., especially if THAT guy is her preferred mate. She knows he’s a cheater and she keeps him around.

    That “Why It’s Different When Men Cheat” meme is (one of) the stupidest thing(s) I have ever read. What a fucking bunch of retards. This is the present, their children are our future. Humanity is quickly approaching Idiocracy status.

  • Why
    November 27, 2017 at 3:57 pm

    This girl got jumped by a bunch of ugly jealous bitches, because her boyfriend, father of not one, not two but four of her children, couldn’t stop screwing whores. Fat ugly ones at that. He probably has her brainwashed into thinking that if she leaves him nobody will want her. Especially with four kids. Well that’s not always true. There are good men still in this world. And at this point anything would be a upgrade from what she has now. He is gonna bring home a disease to that woman. I hate to see women fight over a guy who is sleeping with them both. Why be mad at each other? Be mad at the one who is doing the cheating. This girl didn’t deserve to be dragged around by those fat hoes cause he couldn’t keep his pants up. And for having four babies, she looks pretty good. Which is more than can be said for the other girls. Chelsea you deserve better. He didn’t even have your back when they were attacking you. If he gave a shit he would have pulled you away and not let them do what they did. But he didn’t cause he liked that you all were fighting over him. And he isn’t worth it. Take your kids and leave. Best choice you will make. Or get use to this happening on the reg.

  • turtletime
    November 27, 2017 at 2:30 pm

    behold the golden flat brim bulls cap , clearly this man is at the very top of his game. such a dewwwwwwsssshhhhh!!!!!

  • Hughbo Mont
    November 27, 2017 at 1:45 pm

    Lord fucking help us…

Comment on this Post

RELATED POSTS
All-Star Worcester Parents Lay Siege To School Bus, Beat Up Bus Driver, Then Write Magnificent Things On Facebook
Comments From The Worcester Parent Bus Riot Blog Were Borderline Orgasmic
Hot Girl Threatening To Sue Turtleboy Sports Over Busgate, City Council Still Hasn’t Even Mentioned It