“Mommy, why do you have a black eye?” “Well, b, your papi can’t keep his bacon bazooka in his True Religions, and the local ratchivores are challenging my position as his top gravy boat.”
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With the Holidays in full swing, we wanted to bring you something that would make those spirits merry and bright – a good ol’ fashioned ho’down throwdown ratchet fight:
The video starts off with this chick
Chelsea La Rose on her knees, getting swung around by her locks
by this heffalump in her best clubbin’ jeans from Rainbow
and this smokealotofpeen in her best back-boob showcasing ensemble
They have been identified as sisters Maribel & Marilyn Berrios, of Hartford
Cat filter – checkarooni, and saving the world from bullies one Facebook photo frame at a time
Unfortunately, they’ve both since taken down their pages – guess they had a hard time defending their hoodratchetry
This dynamic duo
decided to ambush Chelsea outside of Club Vanish because one of them is chomping on her beef bulletThis fine specimen, Alex De Jesus, also of Hartford
The entire thing lasts for about a minute, with M&M tag-teaming poor Chels while she whimpers and squawks like a seagull for a Kelly’s french fry. At the end of the video, it’s clear that this is a full on jump situation and Chelsea isn’t interested in fighting back.
On the ground and flopping around like a suffocating salmon, Chels is left to fend for herself while her cooch cork is busy peacocking around the perimeter of the fight
and trying not to trip over his ankle warmers in the process
At the end of the fight, as Chels is finally scraping herself off the pavement, this ham sandwich on the left
reaches over as Chelsea turns around and
She snatches Chelsea up by her mop and whacks her around a few times
This cowardly sea cow has been ID’d as
Marilyn Morales, who resembles a baked potato
not sure what (hot) dog she had in this fight, but I’d love to find out.
Anyway, turns out, Chelsea and Alex are recently engaged
and have not one or two or even THREE crotchfruit together…
Chels has had a whopping FOUR baby ratchimals flop out of her tunaflap
Gotta hand it to her, though – those Gerber servers have held up well.
It seems that Alex has a penchant for unleashing his trouser trout all over Connecticut, driving hoodbunnies cucumber crazy from Enfield to Darien.
He also likes to try to justify his behavior by sharing very intelligent memes
Don’t worry Chels, he loves you boo! He’s only banging these beefalopes because his yogurt slinger will explode if he doesn’t keep it at steady 55 sp/h (strokes per hour)
and we can’t go ruining that Fooey Vuitton belt, now can we?
Plus, I mean, where else does she expect to find a man who works this hard to take care of his brood?
Everyone’s approved! 100 emoji
Ya just can’t do it. He’s the creme de la Connecticut creme. Sounds like Chelsea has a lot of thinking to do about the type of role model she wants for her kiddos.
If you want a role model for your kids, though, you gotta be one