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Remember when we did the blog on the 21 cities and towns in Massachusetts that are bigger dumps than Worcester? Well a town called Colrain, that odds are you’ve never been to because it’s just to the north of East Bumfuck, made #12 on our list. A lot of people were like, “Turtleboy, Lynn and New Bedford are way worse than Colrain.” LOL. Not they’re not. Colrain is a dump:
Don’t get me wrong, Lynn and New Bedford are gigantic dumps. But at least they have stores, police departments, and an ocean. That’s why I don’t understand the appeal of these rural dump towns. If you’re gonna be poor, it might as well be in Holyoke so at least there’s a store down the street. What’s the point of living in a run down shack in the middle of nowhere?
Well just to show you the type of clientele you’re getting in Franklin County, here’s a story about one of Colrain’s finest:
A Colrain man faces drunken driving charges after allegedly driving home after drinking at a friend’s house on two bare rims Sunday night.
Shawn Herzig, 27, was arrested and charged with driving under the influence of alcohol and driving with an open alcohol container around 10:45 p.m., according to court records.
Trooper Matthew Biron of the Shelburne state police wrote that he received reports of a vehicle off the road on Greenfield Road with flat tires and its hazard lights on. Biron followed marks on the roadway consistent with a vehicle being driven on its rims, until he found the car, with Herzig slumped over inside, at Herzig’s residence on Christian Hill Road.
The vehicle’s right front and rear passenger-side tires were completely missing, he wrote. Herzig did not respond when Biron attempted to speak with him, prompting him to call for an ambulance, but Herzig later woke up. Biron noticed Herzig had bloodshot eyes and detected a strong odor of alcohol on his breath, according to the report.
When asked how much he had to drink, Biron wrote that Herzig said it did not matter because he was on his own private property and asserted that he could not be arrested. Biron asked him to come to the street to perform field sobriety tests, but Herzig refused out of concern that it would incriminate him, he wrote.
Biron wrote Herzig continued to resist as he was placed under arrest — at one point refusing to comply unless he was given a cigarette when a second officer arrived — and threatened him in various ways while being transported to the station. There, he refused to sign consent and Miranda warning forms and refused a breath test, Biron wrote. Continuing to maintain that he could not be charged, he was released on personal recognizance.
Biron wrote that he found an open bottle of Fireball brand whiskey on the front seat of Herzig’s car when he searched the vehicle.
Shawn Herzig is so Colrain it hurts. Mohawk Valley’s finest. How’d you like to be a State Trooper out of the Shelburne barracks? You signed up to be cop so you could arrest bad guys, and all you’re doing is dealing with brain surgeons like this in such easily accessible places as Rowe, Heath, and Hawley. Franklin County is basically Appalachia. It’s the most PC liberal part of our stat, but yet at the same time it’s got these pockets of trailer trash who pound Bud Heavy’s, drive around on their rims, pass out in their driveways, and then lecture the police about their limited understanding of the Constitution.
Maybe Worcester isn’t so bad.
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