Nothing to see here folks – just a couple of winners eating McDonald’s and having sex with their kid in the backseat while they pretend they were “cuddling.”
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Remember the Brookfield boners from a couple days ago?
Well, credit to them – they both ventured onto the Turtleboy Sports Facebook page to defend their spicy front lawn love making:
Yea, what is this, communist Sweden? You can’t even go to the bone zone on your front lawn anymore? I mean, who hasn’t done that before? Especially in the freezing cold when you live on Main Street and your next door neighbor is a classrom full of kindergarteners.
Yes Sam, people tend to be more perfect behind closed doors. But when they start doing the horizontal mambo on their front lawns, that’s generally when they become Turtleboy legends.
Well, we almost had to do a double take the next day when we saw this article from Orange, Connecticut, and saw someone with a familiar surname caught in a similar act of public fornication:
A couple was arrested after allegedly engaging in sexual activity in the McDonald’s parking lot on the Boston Post Road in Orange with their 6-year-old child in the backseat. Orange Police say McDonald’s employees were leaving work after their shifts ended just after 9:30 p.m. when they saw 27-year-old Rory Clark and 28-year-old Kimberly Onorato engaging in sexual activity in the front seat of their car. Police say Onorato and Clark had a six-year-old child awake in the back seat. Police say Onorato was partially undressed when police got on scene. The couple told police they had only been cuddling after eating at McDonald’s. Both adults were taken into custody and charged. The child was placed into the custody of a relative. The incident was also reported to DCF.
God bless America. Where winners like this can get a microwaved bacon double cheeseburger and go right back to makin bacon in the front seat of their car while their six year old child asks them why “weekend Dad” is mounting Mommy in the passenger’s seat.
Gotta love the explanation too:
“Sooooo……why are you guys naked in a parking lot with your kid in the back seat?”
“Oh, sorry, officer. We were just enjoying our post-value menu nude cuddle. Who hasn’t done that before?”
Obviously Kim Onorato has fantastic taste in men.
His sex appeal is undeniable. What woman isn’t looking for a guy in his 20’s with a receding hairline, 24/7 Newport light breath, and a face covered in peach fuzz pubes?
He’s got a great investment plan for the six year old’s college education too:
And he’s the master of the bathroom selfie.
But seriously, imagine a six year old in the backseat of a car and seeing these two things going to poundtown two feet in front of you:
Then imagine you had to call one of them Mom. Poor kid. They should’ve just boned on the front lawn next to an elementary school.
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