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In a landscape of meth addicts and parents locking their kids in cars, I bring you the refreshing story of a very thirsty man and his crotch liquor.
The Coventry Police Department is asking for assistance in identifying the person in the video. The suspect entered the store and allegedly placed a bottle of alcohol in his pants and left the store without paying. Please contact Detective Richard Pendola @ 401-822-9123 or email firstname.lastname@example.org with any information regarding his identity.
Coventry PD posted this video of a liquor store thief. At the 40 second mark is when he defaces a perfectly good bottle of liquid happiness with his man bush.
Dude, you really thought a liquor store wouldn’t have cameras? Let’s break this down.
In a fit of thirst he quickly finds a nice bottle of whiskey.
He pretends to read the label like a concerned and responsible consumer.
Then he looks around to check that no one will see the twisted ass play about to go down.
And oops! I slipped and… ooh that’s nice.
Then he walks on out surprisingly well for a man who has a bottle shoved in his underoos. I’m assuming he’s wearing briefs because I can’t understand the physics of it otherwise, what with him swinging his arms and not holding it in there.
I’m sure the store doesn’t want their merchandise back, but I think an apology and a refund is definitely in order.
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