Coventry Dooshcanoe Forgets It’s 2017 And There’s Cameras Everywhere, So When You Shove A Bottle Of Whiskey In Your Ninja Turtle Underoos Everyone Sees

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In a landscape of meth addicts and parents locking their kids in cars, I bring you the refreshing story of a very thirsty man and his crotch liquor.

The Coventry Police Department is asking for assistance in identifying the person in the video. The suspect entered the store and allegedly placed a bottle of alcohol in his pants and left the store without paying. Please contact Detective Richard Pendola @ 401-822-9123 or email with any information regarding his identity.

Coventry PD posted this video of a liquor store thief. At the 40 second mark is when he defaces a perfectly good bottle of liquid happiness with his man bush.


Dude, you really thought a liquor store wouldn’t have cameras? Let’s break this down.

In a fit of thirst he quickly finds a nice bottle of whiskey.

He pretends to read the label like a concerned and responsible consumer.

Then he looks around to check that no one will see the twisted ass play about to go down.

And oops! I slipped and… ooh that’s nice.

Then he walks on out surprisingly well for a man who has a bottle shoved in his underoos. I’m assuming he’s wearing briefs because I can’t understand the physics of it otherwise, what with him swinging his arms and not holding it in there.

I’m sure the store doesn’t want their merchandise back, but I think an apology and a refund is definitely in order.

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5 Comment(s)
  • SturmHund1488
    July 11, 2017 at 11:28 pm

    TB do a post about where you stand on the JQ

    • Barry
      July 11, 2017 at 11:41 pm

      Add some tattoos and this guy is your dream date. Although he stole whiskey and you seem more of a wine cooler type.

      • SturmHund1488
        July 12, 2017 at 7:58 am

        Sorry faggot, but I have never stolen or been in trouble with the law in my life. I actually brew my own beer at home and am working on distilling my own whiskey in a repurposed barn on my property. My family and I are almost fully self-sufficient and “off the grid”, the total opposites of Barry here, who greedily suckles at the ZOG teat. Maybe you’ll be red-pilled one day, Barry, but I doubt it.

        • Barry
          July 12, 2017 at 1:01 pm

          So in other words you’ve never taken any direct action to further your ideology. You’re just some hillbilly moonshiner who lives on the family “farm” and had his utilities shut off. Go polish your wife’s shiny bald dome and take another red suppository.

          • SturmHund1488
            July 12, 2017 at 2:50 pm

            I am securing a future for my children and my race, and working for the establishment of a White Homeland in America. I don’t seek race war, but if it comes, we are more than prepared. What are *you* doing, Barry, besides flailing around in the comments section like a mental defective?

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