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Telegram: A city woman charged with her sixth drunken driving offense was held without bail today pending a dangerousness hearing Wednesday in Central District Court. Lisa B. Cook, 48, of 7 Field Way, was arrested early Sunday morning on Highland Street after a state trooper saw her speeding and driving on the wrong side of the road in a Toyota Camry, according to Assistant District Attorney Roberta A. O’Brien. State police said Ms. Cook failed a field sobriety test administered by Trooper Richard Frigon and refused to take a breath test. Ms. O’Brien said Ms. Cook smelled of alcohol and her speech was slurred. Ms. Cook was arraigned on charges of driving while under the influence of alcohol (sixth offense), driving so as to endanger, speeding, a marked lanes violation and failure to yield. The prosecutor told Judge Jennifer A. Stark that Ms. Cook has five prior convictions for driving while under the influence of alcohol. Ms. O’Brien requested the dangerousness hearing that the judge scheduled for Wednesday.

Courtesy of : (T&G Staff/RICK CINCLAIR)

I’m not gonna lie, that is EXACTLY how I pictured Lisa B. Cook. I know she’s from Worcester, but anyone from around here looks at that picture and the first thing they think is “She was definitely on her way home to Webster.”  But hey, I’m glad I live in a state where Steven Tyler’s twin sister can somehow stay out of the slammer after FIVE FREAKING DUI’S!! Ya got that? Not three DUI’s. FIVE!! Look I understand DUI’s happen to normal people. It’s not excusable, but shit happens sometimes. I’m sure plenty of people reading this have caught a DUI before. But you’re supposed to stop at one. It’s a gigantic pain in the ass. You have to call up Mike Erlich or Tony Salerno and pay for their kid’s braces. You lose your license for a while. It sucks.

So if you get a SECOND DUI, then you’ve got a serious drinking problem. But despite that, this muff appears in front of one genius Masshole judge after another and manages to not only escape punishment, but then immediately get wasted on some Mad Dog 20/20 and do it all over again. Seriously, are they waiting for this nudnik to kill someone? And do we really need to have a “dangerousness” hearing for her? Even the cast of Jackass looks at this lady and says, “that lady scares the shit out of me.”

Obviously this muff is gonna get off again right? I mean, if she somehow isn’t in jail after five DUI’s why would she be after six? What message would that send? That in the great commonwealth of Massachusetts you are allowed five DUI mulligans, but we don’t fuck around with your sixth? Yet another reason to thank the good men and women who wear blue and protect us from these dingleberries who are constantly trying to kill us all.

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