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This morning on Turtleboy Tuesday’s on 100.1 FM the Pike, the topic was the Republican debate Turtleboy is watching right now. And my number beef with this shitshow is there are too many people up there. The democrats had one debate with five people, and two of them were sideshows who dropped out the next day. Now it’s down to two jokes and Hillary Clinton and we all know who is gonna win.
Meanwhile on the Republican side everyone thinks they’re gonna be president. Why are there nine people on the stage right now? Why am I listening to Rand Paul do his usual schtick about the Constitution? Why am I watching Carly Fiornia ramble on about Instagram? Why am I watching Chris Christie yell at everyone? Why is John Kasich still a thing?
There are only three real candidates left – Ted Cruz, Marco Rubio, and Trump. You can throw in Jeb Bush and Ben Carson too if you want. But Bush is only a real candidate because of the name and the money. And the Carson thing is wearing off. He makes me tired. So basically it should be Trump vs. Cruz, Rubio, Bush, and Carson. Hell, you can add Rand Paul in there too. He’s probably the smartest one up there and the only one who has any clue what he’s talking about. When he speaks he kind of reminds us all that everyone up there is full of shit. He can stay.
But I wanna hear from Trump 50% of the time and the rest can split the air time. I don’t give a shit that Trump has absolutely no clue what he’s talking about, and clearly doesn’t understand how the Internet works. I’ve never seen someone with so much swagger. It’s irresistible.
Look, Turtleboy is not an Obama guy. I think he’s been a train wreck. But I’m also not one of these guys who thinks the sky is falling because of Obama. As much as I don’t care for some of the things he’s done, I just go right on living my life. I work, make money, pay bills, and spend 90% of my free time making sure Turtleboy Jr. isn’t drinking a Clorox Coolata. I don’t have time to worry about the president. Quite frankly, my life is a lot more affected by Joe Petty, Ed Augustus, and Tracy Novick than it is by Obama.
That’s why I’m not worried if Trump becomes President. Everyone’s talking about what a disaster it would be if he won, but in reality it would just be more of the same shit. The Constitution was designed to make the President weak. It would just be a lot more entertaining because Donald Trump is one of the finest entertainers these eyes have ever seen. And as a blogger, Turtleboy’s number one concern is a President who provides the Turtleboy staff with material. And Trump is a never ending supply of material. I mean, I get so aroused when I hear him talking about his wall:
A 10 foot wall requires an 11 foot ladder. Plus most people who are here illegally come on planes and don’t leave when their visas expire. Nevertheless, I get a Trump Wall in my pants every time he mentions it.
Oh, and by the way, a big reason Jeb Bush should be on the stage is because they put him directly next to Trump in every debate. It’s like watching Dennis the Menace go at it with Dumb Ol’ Margaret. One of them is there to fuck around and have a good time, and the other one is there to enforce dumbass “rules.” It’s funny because Jeb takes this soooooo seriously. There’s no kidding around in politics. Not under Jeb’s watch. But yet here is Trump fucking around 24/7 and he is massacring Jeb in the polls. It’s just such great comedy watching him get frustrated with Trump:
“This is another example of the lack of seriousness.”
Shut up Jeb. “Nobody cares”:
Then they just start yelling at each other over who gets the top bunk:
Then Bush says he’s tough and Trump makes fun of him:
Finally Bush stomps his foot down on the ground and says “You’re never gonna be President!!”
Even if he doesn’t win this thing, he made politics fun. I haven’t laughed this much since Michael Scott left The Office.
P.S. Rubio is gonna get the nomination and beat Hillary. Lock of the century.
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