Politics

Donald Trump Is The Greatest Thing That Has Ever Happened To Debates

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This morning on Turtleboy Tuesday’s on 100.1 FM the Pike, the topic was the Republican debate Turtleboy is watching right now. And my number beef with this shitshow is there are too many people up there. The democrats had one debate with five people, and two of them were sideshows who dropped out the next day. Now it’s down to two jokes and Hillary Clinton and we all know who is gonna win.

Meanwhile on the Republican side everyone thinks they’re gonna be president. Why are there nine people on the stage right now? Why am I listening to Rand Paul do his usual schtick about the Constitution? Why am I watching Carly Fiornia ramble on about Instagram? Why am I watching Chris Christie yell at everyone? Why is John Kasich still a thing?

There are only three real candidates left – Ted Cruz, Marco Rubio, and Trump. You can throw in Jeb Bush and Ben Carson too if you want. But Bush is only a real candidate because of the name and the money. And the Carson thing is wearing off. He makes me tired. So basically it should be Trump vs. Cruz, Rubio, Bush, and Carson. Hell, you can add Rand Paul in there too. He’s probably the smartest one up there and the only one who has any clue what he’s talking about. When he speaks he kind of reminds us all that everyone up there is full of shit. He can stay.

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But I wanna hear from Trump 50% of the time and the rest can split the air time. I don’t give a shit that Trump has absolutely no clue what he’s talking about, and clearly doesn’t understand how the Internet works. I’ve never seen someone with so much swagger. It’s irresistible.

Look, Turtleboy is not an Obama guy. I think he’s been a train wreck. But I’m also not one of these guys who thinks the sky is falling because of Obama. As much as I don’t care for some of the things he’s done, I just go right on living my life. I work, make money, pay bills, and spend 90% of my free time making sure Turtleboy Jr. isn’t drinking a Clorox Coolata. I don’t have time to worry about the president. Quite frankly, my life is a lot more affected by Joe Petty, Ed Augustus, and Tracy Novick than it is by Obama.

That’s why I’m not worried if Trump becomes President. Everyone’s talking about what a disaster it would be if he won, but in reality it would just be more of the same shit. The Constitution was designed to make the President weak. It would just be a lot more entertaining because Donald Trump is one of the finest entertainers these eyes have ever seen. And as a blogger, Turtleboy’s number one concern is a President who provides the Turtleboy staff with material. And Trump is a never ending supply of material.  I mean, I get so aroused when I hear him talking about his wall:

A 10 foot wall requires an 11 foot ladder. Plus most people who are here illegally come on planes and don’t leave when their visas expire. Nevertheless, I get a Trump Wall in my pants every time he mentions it.

Oh, and by the way, a big reason Jeb Bush should be on the stage is because they put him directly next to Trump in every debate. It’s like watching Dennis the Menace go at it with Dumb Ol’ Margaret. One of them is there to fuck around and have a good time, and the other one is there to enforce dumbass “rules.” It’s funny because Jeb takes this soooooo seriously. There’s no kidding around in politics. Not under Jeb’s watch. But yet here is Trump fucking around 24/7 and he is massacring Jeb in the polls. It’s just such great comedy watching him get frustrated with Trump:

“This is another example of the lack of seriousness.”

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Shut up Jeb. “Nobody cares”:

Then they just start yelling at each other over who gets the top bunk:

Then Bush says he’s tough and Trump makes fun of him:

Finally Bush stomps his foot down on the ground and says “You’re never gonna be President!!”

Even if he doesn’t win this thing, he made politics fun. I haven’t laughed this much since Michael Scott left The Office.

P.S. Rubio is gonna get the nomination and beat Hillary. Lock of the century.

 

 

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17 Comment(s)
  • Woodiculous
    December 16, 2015 at 2:00 pm

    Marco Rubio is our next president.

    No one wants to see another Clinton or Bush in the White House again (except Bill, which can’t happen)

    • BobnMic
      December 17, 2015 at 11:17 pm

      Agree – Rubio gets the nod. He is the most Presidential of all of the Presidential candidates. If Clinton gets in – whew – no more cigars in the White House and no more hot interns. (Not that Monica was really all that of a smokeshow) But that just makes everybody’s job that much harder.

      Not to mention a waste of what I bet would be a really awesome cigar. Just sayin’….

  • Purple Passion
    December 16, 2015 at 1:13 pm

    I recently saw a film clip of Trump excoriating Romney for being too tough on illegal immigrants during his debate performance against Obama. Trump’s current position is much tougher than that espoused by Romney. Obviously Trump thought Ann Coulter’s book , ” Adios, America”, would be a great basis for running his campaign, and just as obviously he is a phony and a showman. They are all crooks, so don’t support any of them.

  • rfgenerator
    December 16, 2015 at 12:43 pm

    Saying Rubio beats Clinton overlooks the possibility of Trump running 3rd party if he feels he has been screwed out of the nomination. If that happens the GOP candidate is toast and Clinton is the winner.

    • Jake from StateFarm
      December 16, 2015 at 2:59 pm

      No shit Sherlock

  • Itinerant Engineer
    December 16, 2015 at 10:06 am

    >any GOP candidate beating Hillary

    Not gonna happen. I’m a centrist, I don’t care for Hillary for several reasons and will probably throw my vote away to a third party in the general election, but let’s be serious here. There’s no way that any of the candidates in the Republican field could possibly beat her in a general election. Her political clout and PR game is just too strong, and the GOP has shifted too far to the right to make any headway in a presidential election year. Maybe by 2020 they’ll have had enough time to regroup and come up with something, but next year is already in the bag for the Dems.

    If nothing else, at least we’ll get to see Slick Willie back in the White House. Charisma for days, that one. Whatever he decides to do as his First Gentleman pet project (like Michelle and her children’s fitness thing) is bound to be a success.

    • Diamond Merchant
      December 16, 2015 at 11:15 am

      Or an unofficial third term.

  • Shag
    December 16, 2015 at 7:51 am

    Trump is it. He has awoken the sleeping beast, the silent majority that sees everything foolish this administration has done and is absurdly tired of it. Rubio? Not a chance. He’s a faker, a RINO. He won’t get the masses out to vote for him. Cruz is probably the smartest on stage, but Trump is just doing it right.

    For the dopes that like Bernie? That ancient socialist doesn’t have a snowballs chance. You go on thinking socialism works though. That’s been a huge success every time it’s been implemented… Right??

  • Jake from StateFarm
    December 16, 2015 at 7:49 am

    Trump is an arrogant, self absorbed, “attention craving bully. I’m conservative and I would never vote for this guy. He’s impulsive, rude, and offensive. That’s not what this country needs.

    If the fools hand him the Republican ticket. He will lose to Hillary.

    Hillary is beatable, but the general overall population will not vote Trump in. Mark this post. I will be 100% correct. Don’t blow your opportunity to put a Republican, not Trump, but a real leader into the Presidency.

    • Gadzuks
      December 16, 2015 at 12:51 pm

      Really brilliant logic ya got there. I’ma take my vote and go home!

      You’ll be as much to blame for the shit that follows if H gets elected.

      We could have had Obama out of there in ’12 if not for idiots who wouldn’t vote for Romney because of whatever hair they had across their ass about him.

      • Skeptical
        December 17, 2015 at 11:19 am

        Gadz, your logic is akin to cutting off your nose to spite your face.

        Bush would be a million times better at being a leader than Trump. End of story. Bush has experience, and he knows what the Hell he would be doing in the White House. Trump wouldn’t know a damn thing.

        The fact that Trump is the front-runner for the Republicans only proves the vulgar, vitriolic, and idiotic nature of that party in general.

        I would rather be a Godless commie than a bible toting sociopath-psychotic like Trump.

  • Cheryl
    December 16, 2015 at 7:44 am

    Since when is ” ORANGE the new White”

  • Jafreese
    December 16, 2015 at 7:02 am

    How bout Christie saying he wouldn’t hesitate to shoot down Russian planes? Jeez, like that’s what we need

  • Welcome to the circus
    December 16, 2015 at 6:00 am

    Prediction: Rubio against Hillary and she wipes the floor with him. And Bernie is no joke. I hope he’s the VP

  • Fillet o fish
    December 16, 2015 at 5:59 am

    Rand Paul is NOT the smartest one – Rand Paul THINKS he’s the smartest one. Dr. Ben Carson as a neurosurgeon is obviously the smartest one, but the best legal mind in the race is Ted Cruz. Trump is the best political mind.

    To the fool who commented “bernie” the Godless communist, I will say he’s gonna give HRC some big-time fits, but he’s 100% unelectable, and is probably a straw for the senior senator from Massachusetts who will come in at the convention to garner bernies delegates. Stand by.

    • Wabbitt
      wabbitt
      December 16, 2015 at 8:21 pm

      Have you heard the shit spewing from Carson’s mouth? He may be a neurosurgeon, but he’s a few cards short of a deck.

      I doubt he’s the smartest, but he’s definitely the looniest.

  • Squirtleboy
    December 16, 2015 at 12:43 am

    Bernie.

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