This Day In Turtleboy

Dorchester Psycho Teen Named After Continent Microwaves A God Damn Baby Turtle And Posted About It On Facebook


Meet Jonasia Simpson, a Dorchester teenager who made her first of many TB appearances to come in 2017 in a SSTG blog.

Last night Jonasia thought it was funny to microwave her baby pet turtle.


Obviously we have a special place in our hearts for our Turtle spirit animals but this would have been bad if it was any living creature.

I’m sorry for having to show you this picture – but the idea that this baby ratchet thought it was okay infuriates me to the point of wanting to punch a wall.

This is what happens when you name your kid after a continent full of tigers and communists.

Only an animal would think this was okay. Was she bored? Go play with your snapchat filters like a good brainless teenager.

Maybe it was a hard lesson and Jonasia had to learn it in order to be remorseful?

More than like it’s looking more like we have the makings of a hood rat serial killer.

Needless to say, this spread like wildfire, because this deranged child microwaved a Goddamn baby turtle.

Because when word spread about what she had done she actually doubled-down.

I’m very rarely speechless, but here we are.

The mother, who is clearly a trap queen cliche, even posted that they had added the Turtle to the family on April 3rd. Cool. A baby animal lasted less than two months in their house before her kid nuked it. That’s totally normal.

Can we blame psychopathic Jonasia? Or should we be looking at Shanitha Blocker – the woman who bore a child, had nine months to think of a name, and came up with “Jonasia”?

I’m going to guess that this behavior is normal with this family.

Oh good. Your newly teenage daughter buying momma a special bottle of Henny. That says a lot.

Wow, that was a long sentence. She will “KILL A MOTHER F***ER” for her kids. Or a turtle too apparently. I can’t wait to hear Uncle TB reads that on Live Friday.

Well Mom, maybe you should be there more, instead of taking selfies, because, as I’ve mentioned before, your BABY GIRL MICROWAVED A BABY TURTLE.


Awe, a family picture in front of the projects? More kids coming up after Aretha Dahmer? Wow, that’s really exciting. I’m sure glad that she used her EBT cash to buy the poor little turtle guy. I love it when our tax dollars are going to murdered animals and supporting their killers.


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30 Comment(s)
  • Rags
    July 7, 2020 at 3:01 pm

    Our tax dollars at work!!!

  • Michael Collings
    July 6, 2020 at 9:12 pm

    It’s just a turtle!
    Bitch that turtle had more life and ambition than your whole project shithole.
    These people are inhumane and will be dealt with soon. They have no idea what is coming down the road to them.

  • Hugh Wackett
    July 6, 2020 at 8:19 pm

    If this sociopathic pig was a White girl, that filthy bitch Sharpton (“Tamara Brawleys’ makeup man”) would be outside her Section 8 with a fucking bullhorn and Racial Rollins would chime in with “Now boarding, the ‘Clown Car Express’ to Bridgewater”.
    That’s the makings of a serial killer right there. Oh yeah.

  • hartf811
    Thomas P. O'Neil
    July 6, 2020 at 4:07 pm

    Hopefully she will be beaten to death with her own flapping lips!

  • hartf811
    Slave ship
    July 6, 2020 at 4:05 pm

    This is why Plantation Owners valued horses higher than slaves. BECAUSE OF THIS FAT BITCH. The turtle had more upside to life that this crusty nagger has. Hey Rachael Rollins! Free Canada Goose jackets for this humpty?

  • Gus
    July 6, 2020 at 4:02 pm

    Shouldn’t jonasia have, like, fourteen kids by now?

    • no no
      john k
      July 6, 2020 at 6:33 pm

      she probably does man

  • Jonamath
    July 6, 2020 at 2:39 pm

    Yo man my moms named me after some old quarterback YO.

  • North of the Border
    July 6, 2020 at 2:02 pm

    You don’t have to stick her in a microwave. Just strap her fat ass about 3′ away from the air search radar at Logan. Hit rotate and radiate until the screaming stops.

    Problem solved.

  • Hungover Abe Lincoln
    July 6, 2020 at 2:01 pm

    “I freed the WHAT?!?!?”

  • Greta Thundberg
    July 6, 2020 at 1:43 pm

    What a fucking psycho! Telltale sign she is a freakin PSYCHO!!
    All psychos torture and kill animals first. No effing empathy right there.
    Fuck you jonasia stupid fatass battleaxe psycho.

    I hope all her ‘friends’ stay away from this freakshow as she is BAD NEWS!!!
    Demented fucking lunatic I hope you read this!!! Fuck you!!!

    PS How dare you!! *The real Greta

    • Ghost of Acid Rain
      July 7, 2020 at 8:49 am

      How DARE you!

  • Done with this shit
    July 6, 2020 at 1:27 pm

    This is why ‘an eye for an eye’ should make a comeback. Stuff that ugly useless blob into a commercial size microwave and set for 6 hours- I’m assuming it goes by weight. Then we can post the aftermath for amusement.

  • Norm
    July 6, 2020 at 12:52 pm

    I’m assuming PETA and all the animal rights nut jobs will be outraged and protesting outside their house in the hood

    Oh God, that was funny….. I crack myself up…..Becky’s protesting in the hood….ah ha ha ha

    • Nagger Slapper
      July 6, 2020 at 1:11 pm

      they would probably come up with an excuse for her because she is a “BIPOC” and it was the white mans fault for all the years of oppression. and throw in trump somehow too and shes good to go.

    • North of the Border
      July 6, 2020 at 5:05 pm

      They’ll do it once.


  • A Basic Shaneekqua
    July 6, 2020 at 12:40 pm

    Just another Shaneekqua playing ghetto games

  • Abraham Lincoln
    July 6, 2020 at 11:48 am

    I want to apologize. The wrong side won the civil war.


  • Emily
    July 6, 2020 at 11:35 am

    Mon taking a duck face selfie in the laundromat tells me all I need to know about them. What goes around comes around and Karma will get them both when they least expect it.
    This is ANIMAL CRUELTY and that girl should be charged. Maybe her community service could be RAKING CRAP OUT OF HORSE STALLS…Unfortunately the cycle continues.

  • Snarky Pete
    July 6, 2020 at 11:31 am

    I apologize for all the negative things I said about Margaret Sanger and abortion.

  • Boston Irish
    Fenway Frank
    July 6, 2020 at 11:08 am

    How long does it take a black woman to take a shit?

    9 months

    • Shsneewus on the corner playing ghetto games
      July 6, 2020 at 12:42 pm

      What mortal sin is comitted when someone has the temerity to fvk a nlack chick?


  • foleyworld
    Casino Scum
    July 6, 2020 at 10:54 am

    Ya know, I’m pretty tolerant and I’m usually not racist, but this story might be the breaking point! I just did a 360 and want to go join the KKK! What a sick, twisted, fat, ugly, negroid! Subhuman animals!!!!
    I would happily press START on a giant microwave oven with mom and daughter stuck inside!

    • Gallileo
      July 6, 2020 at 2:37 pm

      Pardon me, fine sir, but if you did a 360, you’d wind up in exactly the same place you started.

  • Orion
    July 6, 2020 at 10:37 am

    That’s incredibly fucked up. Shame on these feral pieces of shit.

  • Ray Patriarca's nephew
    July 6, 2020 at 10:31 am

    Proving once again that they are a feral species. Tell me again why these people matter?

    • Maggie the Cat
      July 6, 2020 at 11:20 am

      These “people” only matter to the liberal politicians who wait every ten years for the census results. The greater the population in any state, no matter the actual personal qualities of the alleged humans in that state, the number of living “humans” is all that matters. The more “humans”, the more political power because the more seats they get in Congress, the more financial aid they get and the more power they accrue. The politicians all know this, and that’s why we have so many alleged humans like this female welfare hog, who is more properly called a parasite with alleged human qualities. This is what you get when you vote for liberals.

  • hartf811
    July 6, 2020 at 10:22 am

    That’s it.
    Kneegrows are shit. They do NOT matter.
    Police are effectively not policing hoodboogers. 74 shot and 14 killed over the weekend in that BLT-123’s Chiraq. Wall them off and let the rats eat each other.

  • don
    July 6, 2020 at 10:11 am

    there is nothing anyone can do to her that hasnt already been done. just look at her. shes fat. lives in the ghetto. her moms a ho. no one in that family will ever get off welfare. its their way of life. they dont know any better. im betting they probably ate the turtle afterwards. just look at those fat turds. who in their right minds would want to lay down beside that?

    • Turtle Rescue League
      July 6, 2020 at 11:40 am

      Who would lay down next to that? Well, based on the name “Jonasia”, mom must have thought the “John” was Asian…..

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