Reader Emails

Emailer Of The Week Threatens To “Make Public” Turtleboy’s Publicly Viewable Blog On Auburn Dooshnozzles

Want to have your business advert seen by over 500,000 people per month? Email us at for more information, and check out our website about types of advertising we offer.

Follow us on Twitter and like us on Facebook



For a while now we’ve thought about the idea of doing a weekly, “comments of the week” or “emails of the week” blog. Because you would not believe some of the feedback we get. It’s spectacular!! And 99.9% of the time these brilliant minds just prove our point for us. So thanks for being you, dingeberries!!!

Anyway, we got a fantastic email this morning in regards to the blog we published yesterday about the three geniuses who were breaking into cars in Auburnand we shared it on Facebook soon afterwards. The comments we’ve seen about it confirm that it is indeed blogworthy. So let’s check out this gem from a girl named Shawna. Her comments from the email are italicized, our rational thoughts are in bold…

I want to inform you of a few facts you may not know about your article about the three “winners” from Worcester who broke into cars in Auburn. First of all, about the kids involved. The first guy, you seem to think is a “crack head”, isn’t. I know that for a fact because I live with him, I’m his sister-in-lawNot that what he does is any of your damn business.

OK. The first problem is, I don’t think you understand what hyperbole is. I have no idea if this kid is a crackhead. But it’s just kind of one of those things you say. Quite frankly, if he’s not a crackhead, it kind of makes it worse, because it means that he’s just a plain old asshole. I’d rather be a crackhead than an asshole. Being a a crackhead can be a temporary low point of your life. Being an asshole is forever. 

Second, just because someone is from Worcester doesn’t mean they’re all junkies or idiots or anything else you insinuated in your article. Every town has its losers, as well as Auburn, I know because I grew up there. Yes there are a lot of sloppy, dumb people in Worcester. But just because they’re from Worcester doesn’t mean anything. They are a bunch of dumb kids. What would you say if they were from Auburn?

They’re just kids? This is another theme I’m seeing from the butthurt Turtleboy counterrevolutionaries. Newslflash – when you turn 18 in America you are no longer a kid. But to answer your question, if they were from Auburn we’d probably make some sort of anecdote about Auburn turning into Webster.

Third of all, you clearly know nothing about Auburn. I can give you names of at least 5 people from Worcester who did way worse then this & are in jail currently.

So let me get this straight. You’re trying to tell Turtleboy that the article characterizes Worcester people unfairly, and your defense of this is that you know five people who are in jail? Strong point. Strong. 

Almost 60% of my friends & people I know from Worcester are now on drugs like heroin, crack, & assortment of pills.

Game. Set. Match. Obviously you’ve chosen to associate yourself with some real winners. 


Almost everyone who grew up in Auburn did drugs, if they still don’t.

What percent is “almost everyone?” Let’s call it 98%. Did you guys know that 98% of people from Auburn do drugs? I’d just like to remind you all that the first phrase of her email was, “I want to inform you of a few facts.” And if that isn’t a true, certifiable fact, then I don’t know what is. 

Also, the amount of teen/young mothers, myself included, that came from Auburn, would astound you. Almost all of the girls I know from Auburn had a child in high school, if not shortly after.

So you’re telling me that Auburn is the new Winchendon? 


Before you go writing an article, do you research. You know nothing about the kids personally nor do you know Auburn enough to judge, point fingers, or make fun of.

Newsflash – reading the Auburn Police Department’s press release on their Facebook page is “research.” I don’t need to know anything else about your brother in-law or his terrific friends. All I need to know is that they’re breaking into cars at 4 AM. This makes them all assholes. Also, I‘m so confused. Isn’t her beef with Turtleboy that we’re making fun of Worcester when we should be making fun of Auburn? 

I am very close to this case & town & DO NOT appreciate the allegations being made about these two towns, or the people in them.

I would suggest talking to the Auburn Police Department then. After all, they are the ones who made the allegations. We are merely providing witty commentary on it. Also, we’re not speaking badly of either Auburn or Worcester. We’re speaking badly of your rocket scientist friends that inhabit these places. 


I plan to expose your article for what it is, false, biased, very poorly written, (do you have spell check, seriously?! Maybe you should go back to high school!) not true, & written by a total idiot!

An email that is rampant with spelling and grammatical errors calling out a blog that has spelling and grammatical errors. Love it. But yes, generally opinion pieces tend to be biased. You know, because that’s the whole point of an opinionated blog. But please, expose us. I really want to see what that means exactly. 

If you take the article down, I will not proceed. Other wise, this WILL be made public.

Oh snap!! She’s about to make this very public blog that has been viewed over 10,000 times (gasp) PUBLIC!!! Stop the fight!!! We’ll do whatever you want!! Just PLEASE, for the love of God, don’t make this blog public!!


I’m so glad you are so perfect & can sit on your high horse & judge everyone else. You sir, are a poor excuse for a human.

I sit on my high turtle actually. 

Fuck you.

Singned. Love it. It would make my day if this wonderful woman had a “fuck you” stamp that she used to sign all her major documents. 


After she saw we posted the email on Facebook she wrote us back:

You know nothing about me a actually. & yes when you’re sitting there making up bullshit about people you don’t know, like you & all those other idiots on facebook, makes you a crappy human if you ask me. Who are you to judge anyone else? You’ve never made a mistake? Anyone who judges other people without knowing them, is an asshole.

Anyone who judges other people without knowing them, is an asshole.”

Oh. You mean, like a jury? LOL. I really, really love it when people play the “if you knew what they were really like” card. Because someone the fact that they “know” other people exonerates their crimes of passion.

Newsflash – everything in America is based off of people judging other people based on the facts that are presented to us. Also, no one on our staff has ever broken into someone else’s car. One of us had our car broken into by a hippie a couple weeks back though. I think that makes it OK for us to judge these types of people. 

Anyway, what this girl did in the email is kind of a microcosm of the fun criticism we get all the time. I don’t mind when people say they don’t care for a particular blog, or they thought it was in bad taste. This is America. Express yourself. But we’re in the entertainment industry at Turtleboy Sports. And the number one rule of entertainment is, you don’t tell an entertainer that he or she can’t say something. Because all it will do is make them want to say that thing. We don’t give into threats or terrorists at Turtleboy Sports. 


Want to have your business advert seen by over 500,000 people per month? Email us at for more information, and check out our website about types of advertising we offer.

Follow us on Twitter and like us on Facebook







19 Comment(s)
  • Devils Mouthpiece
    June 1, 2015 at 10:34 am

    Leave these losers alone, they clearly are on the career fast track and someday may make head dishwasher at their respective local chain restaurants. If they work real hard, they might even be allowed to empty the kitchen grease traps. OK, probably giving them too much credit for even having a job. Silly me. I can dream, cant I?

  • Jill
    June 1, 2015 at 7:38 am

    How was this gem of a comment missed? “Every town has its losers, as well as Auburn, I know because I grew up there”.
    So you admit you are a loser? I mean-I could tell just from her letter, but the confirmation is marvelous. Anyone who admits to not only knowing, but living with and defending one of these dinks deserves their own article.

  • Shaking my head
    May 30, 2015 at 10:16 pm

    Um…does she know your blog is ALREADY public?

    • Shaking my head
      May 30, 2015 at 10:18 pm

      Oops you covered that

  • May 30, 2015 at 7:49 pm

    I literally want to have sex with Shawna right now. Seriously. Let me bend you over and are you scream.

    Call me.

  • Turt Squrts
    May 30, 2015 at 3:56 pm

    This chick is an example of somebody who can’t take a breather, calm the emotions, then write logically. She just has knee-jerk, emotionally-based reactions, probably in more places than just this blog. Going by the recent car fun-times, her getting knocked up early on in life, and the super awesome circle of druggy jailbird friends, this kind of reaction seems to be family and friend tradition in her world. Great job.

  • Turtleboy spurts on your face!
    May 30, 2015 at 2:55 pm

    Hey Spurts, for someone that hates TB so much, you seem to never miss a blog. You always have something stupid to say. Do you have an actual life outside of your so called hatred for TB?

  • RJ
    May 30, 2015 at 2:29 pm

    If you’re a shit bag doing shit bag things….just own it. Don’t make it about circumstances. Don’t make it about a mistake. Unless you accidentally slipped on a banana peel and grabbed a car door handle on the way down, it wasn’t a mistake. It was intentional. Just like the rioters in Baltimore weren’t making mistakes, either are these numb nuts in auburn. If you do something shitty, it’s because you’re a shitty person, not because you got blinded by the sun and accidentally slipped and broke into someone’s car at 4am. Not to say you can’t work on it and not be a shitty person in the future, but today, the first step is acceptance. If you’re breaking into other people’s cars, you’re a watery dump. Own it.

  • Turtle boy fan
    May 30, 2015 at 1:14 pm

    A lot of excuses for theft by the thieves friends and family’s and usually someone will say “they’re doing it because they are hungry ect.”. First of all, it’s not a mistake when you knowingly put your grimey hands on someone else’s belongings and take what someone else worked for, you steal your SCUM. Accept your title in life, your not a good person and no one needs to forgive you. Robbing others is not a mistake or like ooops an accident. There are enough dam “free” handouts in Worcester all kinds of things programs to help out people who are needy in Worcester. I can name one particular place open to ALL for food in Worcester that operates Monday through Friday and gives plenty of food for take home and to give whomever doesn’t get there. And I bet it’s not the only place in Worcester that does this. So people need to stop using that damn excuse. It would be nice if every time someone commits a crime whether it be stealing, druggies, kids bringing guns to school and their parents claiming “there’s no help out there” Ect. I hope readers can counteract their claims with at least one resource in and around the Worcester County that would benefit scum.

  • Maggie the Cat
    May 30, 2015 at 1:11 pm

    Shawna, you are too idiotic to know you’re an idiot. Sounds like your friends are on the same intellectual level that you’re on (very low).

  • TurtleBoySpurts
    May 30, 2015 at 1:04 pm

    TB writes:

    “I’d rather be a crackhead than an asshole.”

    Well, we all know TB isn’t a crackhead, so I guess it’s clear which choice he made. Yes, I know, you all knew that long before this bit of self-revelation. And there’s little doubt it’ll be forever.

    BTW, these amateur teen, white-boy, wanna-be thugs are still just as likely to end up being cops, as criminals, when they grow up. The boys in blue know better than anybody that that’s truth.

    • Got Heem
      May 30, 2015 at 2:39 pm

      By saying “white-boy, wanna-be thugs,” are you insinuating that thugs aren’t or can’t be white? I mean, you’ve already suggested in past blog comments that you feel that “thug is the new n-word,” and you’ve expressed your discontent with that. Yet, now you’re going on record in agreeance with that suggestion. Hmm.. It sounds like ‘TB Spurts’ is just as hypocritical as the female from the email (no rhyme pun intended).

      Next time you decide to mock a news blog, at least cover your tracks. And you’ve gone and bashed the Police in the end of all of this, as if they had anything to do with this article. All they did was arrest three little “wanna-be thugs” who broke the law and got caught. But I guess you wouldn’t be satisfied unless they shot the teens. You sound so foolish.

    • RBG's fat roll
      May 30, 2015 at 2:51 pm

      You might as well just comment I’m a doucher

    • Andrew A
      May 30, 2015 at 2:52 pm

      Do you ever get bored of trying to be someone else? You do realize that you and the rest of the hippies aren’t slowing us down one bit right? I can say that it actually makes me overly excited to see you guys get your panties twisted. Thanks for the laughs you silly muff you.

    • lee hume
      May 30, 2015 at 2:52 pm

      Penalty box: illegal use of word, “thugs.” Please refer to NPR or YOUR black wife on how this is now a slur.

      Very sloppy.

      • TurtleBoySpurts
        May 30, 2015 at 4:18 pm

        Aw, aren’t you a good little Turtleslut.

        • Finnish Goalie
          May 30, 2015 at 5:02 pm

          Well, a bit over 72 hours? At least what I’ve seen.

    • JJ Evans Jr
      May 31, 2015 at 5:33 pm

      Hey TurtleBoySpurts, When do you start classes at Worcester State? Looking forward to hearing from you less. A maybe those boys in blue from Webster could start harassing you so you won’t post so much?

  • goday
    May 30, 2015 at 12:35 pm

    ” like you & all those other idiots on facebook, makes you a crappy human if you ask me. Who are you to judge anyone else? You’ve never made a mistake? Anyone who judges other people without knowing them, is an asshole.”

    Pause .. she’s sitting at her computer sending you ignorant vitriol, calling you and a litany of other people idiots and saying you’re a crappy human. and then is condemning anyone who makes judgments about someone they don’t know personally. So she’s not only trying to justify criminal activity and intimidate tbs, but she’s a filthy filthy hypocrite. This is grade A shit right there.

    And Shawna, if you’re reading this and have miraculously made it this far and aren’t already typing a furious dumb ass response, know this: this isn’t an unwarranted and unfair judgment, but merely analysis of your own behavior. aaaand if you decide you wanna go toe to toe with me, I’ll gladly engage and decimate you. Xoxo

Comment on this Post


Guest Blog: Janay Rice Can’t Stop Tweeting About Adrian Peterson Kicking The Shit Out Of His Kid
Guest Blog: Minnesota Moron Wears Worst Adrian Peterson Outfit Ever
This Ice Dancing Guy Hates Turtleboy Sports So Much I Can’t Help But Respect Him