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Energy Assessment Is Nightmare For Leominster Turtlegirl

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As National Grid customers, the turtle riders of Leominster decided to go ahead and get one of those free energy assessments performed on our home. We figured since every time we flipped on a switch we were pissing away money, we might as well give it a whirl.

Scheduling the home energy assessment was easy; we just opened a flip phone, dialed and made an appointment with the nice lady. If you’re considering getting one of these, call sooner than later. These appointments are as hot as the heroin dealers of Webster who have not yet been arrested. Their time slots fill up quickly.

The Energy Specialist, we’ll call him Luke, (Luke means light. See what I did there?!) was assigned to our home and called us when he was on his way. I was a little ticked because he said he was doing us a favor by going out of his “area.” Shit like that annoys me. This is your job – you aren’t doing anyone a favor when you are doing your job.

Luke was knowledgeable, but he was in our house for way too freaking long. There are two things I hate. House guests and strangers. Luke was both of these things. I was ready to poke my eye out with a fork just to end the assessment. With my luck, Luke would have told me how to save energy and gauge my eye out more efficiently.

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Since our house was built in the 50’s, the insulation sucks – especially upstairs. Apparently people sixty years ago weren’t a bunch of spoiled pussies. They had no problem sleeping in a room that was either below 47 or above 85 degrees. I need a comfortable air temperature to sleep.

Luke encouraged us to get our home insulated to keep it warmer in winter and cooler in summer. Given the push to make homes more energy efficient, we were given a $2,000 credit from Mass Save toward the insulation work. This meant we would have to come up with the rest of the money. Thankfully, there are local banks who offer 0% financing on these types of loans. Nothing to lose there. 0%!  We went right to Workers Credit Union. I love it there AND you can always count on bringing home a wonderful bright green clicky pen.

Following the insulation discussions and paperwork signing, things just got annoying.

Luke then tried to sell us on things like solar panels and these peculiar things called mini-splits. We agreed to meet with a solar panel guy. This “guy” ended up being about 10 years younger than me, which just made me feel horrifically old. He was a great kid. But he was at our house for like 3 freaking hours. It involved a slide show of solar panels on an iPad. Holy shit. I am not 7 years old. I don’t need powerpoint presentations in my life anymore. Leominster Turtlegirl and Leominster Turtleboy are not meant to be talked at for this long. We immediately canceled the mini-splits guy. No way could we do that again.

The mini-split guy would have been from Fujitsu- which we assumed would have been some sort of karate or tai kwon do shenanigan. Turns out, they are these ductless heaters and coolers. Don’t google them. Here’s a picture:

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Again. Great concept and energy efficient BUT, like solar panels, expensive as fuck. I’ll worry about the planet when I can afford to worry about the planet. Now is not that time.

We recently got the insulation work done- they were contractors from Next Step Living out of South Boston. Good guys, except, they invade your entire house. YOUR ENTIRE HOUSE. I went to do laundry, guy down there. Went outside, guy on the roof. Went upstairs, guy there. Oh for the love of Old Balls! SO MANY STRANGERS- JUST EVERYWHERE. My worst nightmare. Save yourself. If you have children and/or pets, just leave and take everyone with you.

After asking them to not damage our hardwoods (I <3 my floors) and a gentle reminder to not ruin our gardens, the job was done. The only issue was they got a little drill-happy and cracked up a bedroom wall. I could care less. I have been ridingLeominster Turtleboy (not like that you sick-minded people) to repaint the bedroom for years. Now we have to. Thank you, intrusive insulation strangers.

So to all you National Grid customers, I encourage you to go through this home energy assessment process. In the end, it is worth it. We will save over $3000 in the next few years in heating and cooling costs. Woohooo!! Maybe now we can finally afford to help save the turtles.

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Don’t worry about solar panels or weird ass mini-splits – meeting with the consultants is as painful as watching a drunk, toothless man gnaw on some chicken wings at Applebee’s.

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4 Comment(s)
  • Amy
    April 24, 2015 at 1:44 pm

    Thanks for all the info! I am a national grid customer and this was a very helpful write-up. I appreciate it

  • Hoov
    April 23, 2015 at 2:48 pm

    This is a waste of a blog. Not entertaining or funny. I literally fell asleep. If you’re not going to get to the point, at least make me laugh.

    • BobnMic
      April 24, 2015 at 3:09 pm

      Awe come on. “I was ready to poke my eye out with a fork just to end the assessment. With my luck, Luke would have told me how to save energy and gauge my eye out more efficiently.” That is not funny? It most certainly is and I love Leominster Turtlegirl’s hot takes. She’s smart and funny.

  • Jafreese
    April 23, 2015 at 8:46 am

    We had a contractor guy come to our house for an overview/estimate and started showing us some slides. It was the most painful thing ever. Not even an iPad, it was on like a flip chart and he was just reading the words on the chart to us. Made him stop after like 10 mins and said we were done, so he called his boss for help. Eventually just had to say to him “please don’t make me throw you out.” And he finally left. Like you said, he was a young kid and nice enough and just trying to do a job, so I felt a little bad about it, but just couldn’t handle it any longer and there was no end in sight

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