Everybody Was Kung Food Stamp Fighting: Bruce EBT Kicks Buns In Roses In Face While Pushing Small Child, Then Abandons Him In Epic Mall Christmas Fight

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There’s only a few shopping days before Christmas which can only mean one thing – time for some ratchet mall fights!! Last year around this time we were treated to this gravy dumpster gladiators throwdown at the Auburn Mall as Santa looked on in horror:

That will never get old.

This year’s prize pig fighters come out of the great cesspool known as Florida. And it was like a Nat Geo documentary of baby mommas in their natural habitat:

Everybody was Kung-Food Stamp fighting!!!

On the sixth day of Christmas my hoodrat gave to me……..

Twelve pairs of Jordans

Eleven google trophies

Ten hundred emojis

Nine backpage hookers

Eight aspiring rappers

Seven grundle nuggets

Six EBT cards

Five Go Fund Me’s

Four dog filters

Three fupasloths

Two free my bois

And a flat brimmed Chicago Bulls hat

Just to review. It starts off like any hoodrat hodown does – with a pack of wild hyenas attempting to take down a fully grown adult water buffalo:

Because taking down buns and roses is not a one ratchet job.

Notice the woman in the pink beret and blue shirt, who clearly is lower in the pecking order, and thus was not given first dibs at the carcass. She lets those ahead of her on the food chain establish their dominance as she walks offscreen.

While she’s gone buns and roses appears to be down for the count, and the feeding frenzy is interrupted by a male who takes ownership of the carcass.

Then all of a sudden a small child in a carriage emerges out of nowhere and is placed directly in front of buns and roses as she gets a mouthful of stolen Payless brand shoes:

Of course the child was being pushed by his mother in the pink beret, Bruce EBT.

Yes, that’s right. This hoodrat chowder target of a mother left the group beatdown to pick up the child she abandoned, only to return to the feeding so she could make him watch as she fed buns and roses her breakfast of DSW and failure:

But little did she realize that it takes a lot more than that to take down buns and roses…

And the next thing you knew the velociratchet was on her feet and going back for the kill. Naturally Bruce EBT abandoned her child and left him in the middle of a crowded mall:

Where a strange man, who apparently was the only person involved actually looking out for the child’s well being, commandeered him:

Finally Bruce EBT did the only thing she could do after subjecting her child to such trauma – snatched him up without saying thank you for watching the child that I abandoned, and ran into Victoria’s Secret:

Safe to say that her 17th birthday is gonna be off the hook this year!!

I’ve spent all morning looking for their names. All I can find is the names of some of the “victims” and it doesn’t lead to any Facebook pages, which makes it not nearly as fun. But if anyone knows who Bruce EBT or the rest of the hoodbooger patrol is, we’d love to know their identities for a followup blog.

The only person whose name can be tied to this story so far is Linda Deverso-Pakulis – the wife of a Lt. in the Lee County Sheriff’s Department.

Here’s what she wisely posted about the fight….

Oh yea, that should go over well.

Naturally she did what all people do when they’re caught red handed saying something terrible on social media – played the “I was hacked card” on a new Facebook page:

It boggles my mind that people still do this. Newsflash – no one in the history of the Internet has ever believed someone who says their account was hacked. Ever. Russians don’t hack random people’s Facebook pages and write racially incendiary things to humiliate them. But for some reason the Sheriff’s Office is playing along:

At an afternoon press conference, Undersheriff Carmine Marceno spoke briefly about the posted slurs and what the sheriff’s office was doing. He said the LCSO received notification earlier Monday about racially inappropriate remarks and the fact that they may have been posted by the spouse of a sheriff’s office employee.

 “It appears that post was the result of a hacked Facebook account,” he said. “Although there is no reason to believe any member, or even the wife of an agency member, had any involvement in placing this disgraceful language online, because of the nature of this incident, we are using an abundance of caution and we are conducting an internal review of this incident.”

Oh for fuck’s sake. Just tell the truth – it doesn’t matter if she posted it because she doesn’t work for the Sheriff’s office. You are allowed to have a racist spouse and still keep your job.

I could’ve told you this would happen the moment I saw the video. Black chicks fighting at the mall with a child? That’s like racist click baiting 101. We can all look at a video like that and laugh at it, crack some jokes, mock them, laugh at them, etc. But there’s always some idiot, and you see this in our comment section sometimes too, who takes it too far. It’s usually someone who isn’t funny and isn’t witty, and can’t come up with something creative to say, so they just toss out the n word and write “go back to Africa.” Then they realize that they’re not very good at the Internet, they claim they were hacked, and they take the focus of the story off of the real problem – shitty parents doing shitty things in front of their kids. Next thing you know we’re having mandatory diversity trainings for everyone.

Thanks for ruining a hilarious Christmas fight moron.