Hoodrat Heroes

Everybody Was Kung Food Stamp Fighting: Bruce EBT Kicks Buns In Roses In Face While Pushing Small Child, Then Abandons Him In Epic Mall Christmas Fight

Everybody Was Kung Food Stamp Fighting: Bruce EBT Kicks Buns In Roses In Face While Pushing Small Child, Then Abandons Him In Epic Mall Christmas Fight

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There’s only a few shopping days before Christmas which can only mean one thing – time for some ratchet mall fights!! Last year around this time we were treated to this gravy dumpster gladiators throwdown at the Auburn Mall as Santa looked on in horror:

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That will never get old.

This year’s prize pig fighters come out of the great cesspool known as Florida. And it was like a Nat Geo documentary of baby mommas in their natural habitat:

Everybody was Kung-Food Stamp fighting!!!

On the sixth day of Christmas my hoodrat gave to me……..

Twelve pairs of Jordans

Eleven google trophies

Ten hundred emojis

Nine backpage hookers

Eight aspiring rappers

Seven grundle nuggets

Six EBT cards

Five Go Fund Me’s

Four dog filters

Three fupasloths

Two free my bois

And a flat brimmed Chicago Bulls hat

Just to review. It starts off like any hoodrat hodown does – with a pack of wild hyenas attempting to take down a fully grown adult water buffalo:

Because taking down buns and roses is not a one ratchet job.

Notice the woman in the pink beret and blue shirt, who clearly is lower in the pecking order, and thus was not given first dibs at the carcass. She lets those ahead of her on the food chain establish their dominance as she walks offscreen.

While she’s gone buns and roses appears to be down for the count, and the feeding frenzy is interrupted by a male who takes ownership of the carcass.

Then all of a sudden a small child in a carriage emerges out of nowhere and is placed directly in front of buns and roses as she gets a mouthful of stolen Payless brand shoes:

Of course the child was being pushed by his mother in the pink beret, Bruce EBT.

Yes, that’s right. This hoodrat chowder target of a mother left the group beatdown to pick up the child she abandoned, only to return to the feeding so she could make him watch as she fed buns and roses her breakfast of DSW and failure:

But little did she realize that it takes a lot more than that to take down buns and roses…

And the next thing you knew the velociratchet was on her feet and going back for the kill. Naturally Bruce EBT abandoned her child and left him in the middle of a crowded mall:

Where a strange man, who apparently was the only person involved actually looking out for the child’s well being, commandeered him:

Finally Bruce EBT did the only thing she could do after subjecting her child to such trauma – snatched him up without saying thank you for watching the child that I abandoned, and ran into Victoria’s Secret:

Safe to say that her 17th birthday is gonna be off the hook this year!!

I’ve spent all morning looking for their names. All I can find is the names of some of the “victims” and it doesn’t lead to any Facebook pages, which makes it not nearly as fun. But if anyone knows who Bruce EBT or the rest of the hoodbooger patrol is, we’d love to know their identities for a followup blog.

The only person whose name can be tied to this story so far is Linda Deverso-Pakulis – the wife of a Lt. in the Lee County Sheriff’s Department.

Here’s what she wisely posted about the fight….

Oh yea, that should go over well.

Naturally she did what all people do when they’re caught red handed saying something terrible on social media – played the “I was hacked card” on a new Facebook page:

It boggles my mind that people still do this. Newsflash – no one in the history of the Internet has ever believed someone who says their account was hacked. Ever. Russians don’t hack random people’s Facebook pages and write racially incendiary things to humiliate them. But for some reason the Sheriff’s Office is playing along:

At an afternoon press conference, Undersheriff Carmine Marceno spoke briefly about the posted slurs and what the sheriff’s office was doing. He said the LCSO received notification earlier Monday about racially inappropriate remarks and the fact that they may have been posted by the spouse of a sheriff’s office employee.

 “It appears that post was the result of a hacked Facebook account,” he said. “Although there is no reason to believe any member, or even the wife of an agency member, had any involvement in placing this disgraceful language online, because of the nature of this incident, we are using an abundance of caution and we are conducting an internal review of this incident.”

Oh for fuck’s sake. Just tell the truth – it doesn’t matter if she posted it because she doesn’t work for the Sheriff’s office. You are allowed to have a racist spouse and still keep your job.

I could’ve told you this would happen the moment I saw the video. Black chicks fighting at the mall with a child? That’s like racist click baiting 101. We can all look at a video like that and laugh at it, crack some jokes, mock them, laugh at them, etc. But there’s always some idiot, and you see this in our comment section sometimes too, who takes it too far. It’s usually someone who isn’t funny and isn’t witty, and can’t come up with something creative to say, so they just toss out the n word and write “go back to Africa.” Then they realize that they’re not very good at the Internet, they claim they were hacked, and they take the focus of the story off of the real problem – shitty parents doing shitty things in front of their kids. Next thing you know we’re having mandatory diversity trainings for everyone.

Thanks for ruining a hilarious Christmas fight moron.

19 Comment(s)
  • itsjustme
    Itsjustme
    December 19, 2017 at 9:27 pm

    I just laughed way too hard at this than I should. I totally lost it when that girl started playing mini bumper cars with her kid and then left him all alone. I think two days without sleep is catching up to me.

  • DJ Trump
    December 19, 2017 at 8:35 pm

    You just witnessed a cat3 chimpout.
    Quite common this time of year down there actually.

  • Local real local
    Local real local
    December 19, 2017 at 8:34 pm

    The Auburn mall video is worse than the Florida mall video. All of those people should be taken out back and bludgeoned to death for not helping the officer. He is the only one in the entire group trying to keep order. Where was his backup? He is pressing the panic button on his radio and no one responded, at least verbally. What the fuck? Is it too much to ask for him to have some back up, at least when it’s important, like say, riot at a local mall? Auburn is not a large metropolitan city, an officer should have responded before the video cut off.
    Oh, one more thing, the security guards should strip themselves naked and jump off a bridge. Totally, one hundred percent useless. Not one assisted in an arrest. At least give the cop your cuffs, if you are going to stand there and touch yourself. What a bunch of pussies.

  • whatevuh
    whatevuh
    December 19, 2017 at 7:23 pm

    well, that’s black people for ya

  • Lily White
    December 19, 2017 at 4:50 pm

    Ahhhhhhhhhhh ha ha ha ha ha ha….I bet you wouldn’t believe I woke up this morning and thought about the ratchet Auburn Mall fight complete with traumatized Santa and Paula Blart, but I swear I did. And I thought….Awwww we are going to go through the Christmas season without a ratchet mall fight. Well, TBS never disappoints. And can I just say that was ONE HELLUVA martial arts kick Tootie gave Precious, but SHE LEFT HER BABY IN THE CARRIAGE AND HAULED ASS DOWN THE MALL…and Mrs. Garret wasn’t even around to take care of the baby. Luckily Tootie returned and took Seed Spreader Jr. into Victoria’s Secret. LOL

    And what happened to that dumbass Lynda Deverso Pakulis? Did she change her name to Lynda Gregory Rach(et)oza when she realized what a stupid ass comment she made standing next to a Blue Lives Matter in uniform? Yep, you are right…Not gonna play out well. LOL

  • Mooooooo
    December 19, 2017 at 3:46 pm

    Is that Didi Delgado on the floor getting pummeled? It is hard for me to tell; same approximate circumference but appears to be missing a couple rolls within said circumference….well I guess we will know if she begins to order the dumb white people to pay her for this weeks entertainment production.

  • bow to your sensei
    December 19, 2017 at 3:07 pm

    not saying TB and Kip are the same person but has anyone ever seen them together

  • PigMan
    December 19, 2017 at 1:48 pm

    This is Massachusetts, you are allowed to lie and be thug if you qualify by the following:

    1. You’re a minority
    2. You’re a cop/trooper/sheriff. (MSP are criminals)
    3. You’re a politician with a “D” after your name
    4. You are a DCF/Social worker with a substance abuse problem that is “helping” save kids by giving them to rapist foster parents

    • Lily
      December 20, 2017 at 7:27 am

      YES, Pig man, Agree!

  • TJB
    TJB
    December 19, 2017 at 1:47 pm

    ‘Tis the season for flying weavings….fa la la la la…..

  • Not mad just disappointed
    December 19, 2017 at 1:39 pm

    worldstarhiphop shoppin for hot takes? Do better…

  • TortugaNino
    December 19, 2017 at 1:08 pm

    “5 GO FUND MEEEES”, “AND A FLAT BRIM CHICAGO BULLS HATTT!”. God bless you TB, you just made my holiday!!! frfr!

  • Lynda
    December 19, 2017 at 12:09 pm

    I’m not saying it was Russians… but, it was Russians.

  • Keir Darcey
    Rochambeau
    December 19, 2017 at 11:51 am

    Why are they leaving all of those extensions on the ground? I just googled that the average price is $200 in a salon. I guess that they already have their beauty budget figured out.

    • Savage Squaw Bitch
      December 20, 2017 at 7:08 pm

      They were probably the fivr dollar clip-ins. Or maybe the ten dollar glue-ins.

  • Chip Striker
    December 19, 2017 at 11:44 am

    Us white people avoid the cess pool zoo that is the mall.

    I might open up a Popeyes in the mall near me. Chicken in the mall!!!! I will accept EBT and will hire a police detail.

    Then, right outside the food court I will have a kiosk that sells pajamas, so they have something to wear for there next trip to the mall, or can wear right there in case they spill some of my juicy chicken on the ones their wearing.

  • see? somethin fierce.
    December 19, 2017 at 11:41 am

    “But there’s always some idiot, and you see this in our comment section sometimes too, who takes it too far.”

    told you so, White Nat, you were gonna piss turtleboy off..

  • Finn
    December 19, 2017 at 11:41 am

    Lynda’s faux apology angered me more than her actual statement. Ignorant people will always be stupid because they’re too lazy to invest the time and effort to learn & develop thinking skills. She is making a conscious decision not to question her thought process. So her “apology” is her attempt to have zero accountability. Fuck that horse.

    • see? somethin fierce.
      December 19, 2017 at 11:47 am

      it was her husbands gun to her head that wrote the apology..

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