Hoodrat Heroes

Fall River Fapopotamus Forces Her Two Kids To Steal From Discount Store With Her, Blames Them, Gets Arrested, Defends Her Honor On Facebook

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Meanwhile in Fall River, here’s a local Fapopotamus getting busted shoplifting at Five Below and blaming it on her children when she’s confronted by the cops…..

Props to the cop!

FFP: “I really do apologize.”

Cop: “I don’t CARE about your apology!!

“You should be ashamed of yourself. You should be absolutely ashamed of yourself.”

Girl, ain’t no one trying to hear your meaningless apology. You’re not sorry for shit. You’re just sorry that your dumbass got caught.

Cop: “You even brought your kids with you and you’re making your kids shoplift.”

FFP: “I didn’t even know she had that.”

This is both hilarious and terribly sad. On the one hand, it’s so outrageous that you can’t help but laugh. On the other hand, these poor kids are being trained by the crackmuppet who spit them out of her copoon to be thieves, and they’re probably gonna be fucked up for life.

Safe to say the Fall River Guttermuppet now has stiff competition in the Riv’s annual skag mom Olympics. I mean, this sausage swabber got busted stealing $200 worth of shit from Five Below. Do you understand how cheap shit is at Five Below? It’s called five below because everything is five bucks and below. It’s where Fall River’s finest go when they finally won on a scratch ticket and they wanna upgrade from the Dollar Store. At least if you’re gonna shoplift go somewhere where you can leave with something of value. Act like you’ve done this before girl, because I’m quite sure you have.

It’s bad enough that she’s living a life of ratchetry, but she’s gotta drag her poor innocent kids in it too. I mean, just think about that. These kids probably just wanna be kids, but all this DCF dick queen sees them as are potential accessories to help her cut costs on her bootleg sunglass business. How does she still have custody of these children???? If you know her real name send this to your local DCF office pronto!

Some are claiming that she’s been Turtleboy famous already….

Ya know I’ve been doing this job too long when I can’t keep my ratchets in line. This happens a lot. We get a message saying, “your old friend (insert ratchet here) is up to their old tricks again (insert link and screenshots of new ratchetry here).” And I’m like, I don’t even remember blogging this. They’re all just a pajama clad blur at this point.

But then the Fall River Fapopotamus showed up to defend herself, and let everyone know that we did NOT blog about her (yet), and that someone else had tried to get us to blog about her by posting her information on our Facebook page:

I love it when they censor themselves. Ummm, honey, you just got caught forcing your kids to help you shoplift at a discount store in Fall River. You’ve already hit rock bottom and left your snail trail all over it. I don’t think anyone’s gonna think less of you if you call her a “fucking bitch.” Just sayin.

And this was the greatest thing I’ve ever read….

“u dnt fuckin (now it’s cool to swear) know me and that’s a pretty big oz to put in my pussy hoe.”

I have no idea what that means, but there’s gotta be a video of it somewhere. I’m genuinely curious how many “big oz” she can lodge up her stench trench. If I was a betting woman, I’d venture that a local spunk slinger has stuck a 40 ouncer of Olde English up there on several non-consecutive occasions.

Her Facebook URL says her real name is Kayla Baker, and nothing came up for that in the Google trophy department. Anyone know her real name? Because she’s gotta have a Google trophy cabinet for the ages.

Most people if they were arrested for shoplifting with their children, and then publicly humiliated on a Facebook page known for debauchery, would lay low for a while. That is, if they were from Somerset. But this is Fall River. And River Rats always double down….

It was really only a matter of time until the 100 emojis made their grand appearance.

“I love how people think they know what happened.”

Yea, video evidence will do that.

“Me and my kids are jus fine y’all a bunch of low lives.”

Here, I corrected it for you:

“Me and my kids are jus fine y’all a bunch of low lives life.”

The only thing that’s missing are flat brimmed Chicago Bulls hats and dog filters. Don’t worry though, she’s got plenty of Section 8 glamour shots

Shockingly she’s into married dirty dicks who recently were released from prison, as was aired in a previous display of hoodrat behavior on Threw Up in Fall River:

“He treats me right.”

Translation – this is the guy who stuck the 40 oz up my tampon tunnel.

And then there’s this…..

If she can get a ride she MIGHT stop by the discount story, pretending to show her kids a good time with face painting and games. But in reality she’s using this community event as a distraction so she can shove discount sunglasses up her baby cannon.

It’s all good though, because she took her kids to church on Easter. Jesus loves her now, so all is forgiven.

In all seriousness, this chick should NEVER get her kids back. This makes me wanna puke. But nevertheless she is more than welcome to come on Turtleboy Live this Sunday to defend herself and explain her actions. I’m sure Bret Killoran has plenty he’d like to say to her.

9 Comment(s)
  • Wabbitt
    May 21, 2018 at 10:34 am

    Of course the guy is black. Black guys will fuck a refrigerator as long as it’s white.

  • Spunky
    May 18, 2018 at 9:53 am

    What a swollen, lying, thieving, gross Fudge Puppet!! Hopefully those children were taken away from her.

  • Ray Patriarca
    May 17, 2018 at 4:23 pm

    This puttana needs to have her gagoosh seared shut. Period. The sad part is she’ll keep firing cubs out of her semen dumpster and creating more Cubs that are entirely fucked for life. And I and every other TAXPAYER are gonna end up paying for them, cradle to grave. I really hate this shithole of a state and every single motherfucking Democrat who have helped create this fuckery !

  • Law-Abiding White Person
    May 17, 2018 at 2:16 pm

    What a despicable human being, endangering your own children like that makes you lower than pond scum. You try to find good in everyone but this could be a case where there is nothing to be found.

  • JJ
    May 17, 2018 at 1:07 pm

    PAYDAY TATTOO? LIKE SHE’S EVER HAD A JOB!! LOSER

  • Rick Shaw
    May 17, 2018 at 12:49 pm

    That picture is priceless. This warpig looks like someone tried to fit 5 pounds of lumpy mashed potatoes into a 12 ounce piping bag. We’re obviously too late to abort her future thugs with wire coat hangers. I think this dumpster diving family should vacation in West Brookfield.

  • Steve Quists tiny penis
    May 17, 2018 at 12:42 pm

    Some one actually put their dick in her more than once ?

  • Carlo Baldino the Scolar
    May 17, 2018 at 12:34 pm

    I find it disgusting that a white woman would date a black guy.

  • Walter "Stinky Finger" Bird
    May 17, 2018 at 12:32 pm

    I could score this hottie. Put my throbber up her grabber.

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