Fire Gypsies Who Keep Threatening Turtleboy Say That Their Sugar Daddy Is Getting Rapey With Them, He Makes It Worse By Blaming Good Music At His Gatsby-Style Party

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So in the last week we’ve had two different “fire gypsies” contact our hosting provider demanding that we take down pictures they posted on their publicly viewable Facebook pages. Apparently fire gypsies roll deep and they like to go to Great Gatsby-esque parties at waterfront properties, hosted by one of the guys involved in the scene named Rob Darman. Apparently this guy lives in a really nice beachfront house with his wife. They’re well-known in town as they are members of the prestigious Winthrop Yacht Club. And by the looks of it Rob seems to be the guy who makes the fire machines:

And when you make fire, AND you own a beachfront property in Winthrop, you’re gonna attract fireflies. Well, apparently one of these fireflies is not a fan after having a bad experience at the last circus freak bender:

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Now normally we’d look at a SJW like this and have our doubts:


But her post opened up a barrage of “Rob Darman violated my trust” commentary from other fireflies:

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Still, it’s just Facebook commentary. We don’t know any of these people and if they read our blog they’d probably say the same shit about Turtleboy. Then Rob chimed in and found a way to make us believers:


Seems reasonable. Sometimes you just hear a hit song by “Aurilio” and you have to “share your joy” by picking up stray circus freaks and forcing them to dance with you. Nothing rapey about that!! Oh yea, and when a woman tells you “no,” and you don’t listen to her, it’s probably not a good idea to post publicly that you interpreted her rejection of you as a “tease.” Because contrary to popular belief, no actually means no. It doesn’t mean “convince me to dance with you by playing grab ass.”


This is why you don’t speak without consulting a lawyer first. Somehow this asswipe found a way to make it a million times worse. He’s since deleted the comment so we couldn’t grab the commentary that came after it, but he got torn a new asshole by a cyber mob of fire gypsies. But I’m not gonna lie, I kind of wanna go to his next party. I’ll tolerate a little grab ass as long as they’re serving scallops in bacon and free booze.



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18 Comment(s)
  • Stay that age
    December 31, 2016 at 2:46 pm

    Leather pants chick is cute and sexy.

  • Hoola hoop Godess
    December 31, 2016 at 10:21 am

    People can be so rude! This reminds me of the time I went to a car dealership and this guy came up to me and was all like ‘Hi, are you looking to buy a car’ and I was like ‘back off you pervert I’m here for the cool music and free popcorn!’.

  • Ha Ha
    December 31, 2016 at 7:42 am

    I like how she writes “I made a grotesque face”. As if she has any other?

  • Stu Pidazzo
    December 31, 2016 at 6:54 am

    “Women (and those mistaken for women)”…
    Awkward. I wonder how many Crying Game moments our old buddy Rob has had over the years.

  • Raker
    December 31, 2016 at 2:59 am

    Gotta admire “Steven” and “Richard ” taking the opportunity to break out of the friend zone with their FB comments.

  • Wwy
    December 31, 2016 at 1:02 am

    Any woman in this situation needs to attack the balls of a guy,sorry fellas but girls should know by now kick,punch,bite,squeeze it all works. I always hear about rapes no one ever says squeeze his nuts til he cries.

  • Nai
    December 30, 2016 at 4:00 pm

    2 things…..1) I’m triggered becus my post is going to show up after Paul Larson’s…. & 2) I think a bunch of those fireflies are about to win that man’s beachfront property and all his tambourines in a sexual harassment lawsuit!

    • True Reality Speaks
      Tired of Don't Snitch Pussies
      December 30, 2016 at 8:40 pm

      Naahhh – they’d never bite the hand that feeds them (& he’s probably their drug dealer, too). Even if he’s a creepy poseur.

  • Paul Larson
    December 30, 2016 at 2:36 pm

    I was working with a fellow who told me he had gone to college and studied history. Since he was a Democrat, I asked him what the slave party of the United States was. He answered “The Whigs?”. I told him the slave party of the United States was the Democratic Party. I gave him a paper outlining the Democrats’ activities to protect the slave trade and “their peculiar institution”; slavery.

    After 6 weeks waiting for his rebuttal, I mentioned that I expected a rebuttal. He said there was nothing to rebut; that it was history and that was that.

    Nor do I think Obama learned much about U.S. history either. I am fascinated with Obama’s joining the Democratic Party. He says he is against slavery, he is against segregation, and he is against the Black Codes. Well, all those things were achieved by Democrats so why did he join the Democratic Party?

    The Mexican War was a function of the Democratic Party and the Democratic President at the time, James K. Polk. The Whigs opposed the Mexican War. You can read about it in a book called: “A Wicked War”, by Amy S. Greenberg.

    She wrote this about Democrat President Polk: “It was his third attempt to provoke war with Mexico, and Democrats were solidly behind him” (page 84).

    And now Democrat Obama calls on Israel to give up lands that it won after it was attacked by Israel’s anti-Jewish neighbors, but then Obama turned around and granted 1 million, 600 thousand acres of land taken from Mexico in Utah and Nevada to become U.S. federal parks, and thus never to be returned to Mexico.

    What a hypocrite is Obama!

    Paul Larson

  • widowed
    December 30, 2016 at 1:25 pm

    Hopefully she will not trust her friend MT either – sounds like a groomer to me, earns trust and then dumps them into the devil’s cave

  • BobnMic
    December 30, 2016 at 1:18 pm

    Great article Turtlegirl. I’m a huge advocate of no means no. You seem like an intelligent columnist with great insight. I appreciate your goals and going from a blogger (if not the only one) at Turtleboy to Editor in Chief of The Hampshire College Bazaar is a great hurdle to strive for.

    Maybe we can get a private chatroom sometime when I’m not sailing to the sea ports of Monte Carlo?

    • BobnMic
      December 30, 2016 at 4:33 pm

      ^^^ You’re an idiot. If you are going to attempt to impersonate me then at least be somewhat funny.

  • Fatfingr Lou
    December 30, 2016 at 1:13 pm

    Sounds boring…The Winthrop Elk’s used to rock on the weekends!

  • Hoola hoop Godess
    December 30, 2016 at 12:49 pm

    One more thing. Men are pigs! Just because I show up at a party wearing Zena lingerie and a fake diamond studded dog collar that says ‘Fuck Me Please’ that doesn’t mean that I’m into that.

  • Hoola hoop Godess
    December 30, 2016 at 12:42 pm

    I once had a similar experience at a latex dildo sex party.

    There I was at this latex dildo sex party when the host was like ‘hey do you want to try some free samples?’.

    I tried to be coy and sweet and said ‘No I only go to latex dildo sex parties for the humas and bean sprouts and I had no idea that the host was into latex dildo sex.”.

    When my boyfriend pulled up in front in his moms Subaru I told him what had happened and he was like “Whoa dude that’s awesome….. do you want to get matching Tat’s Saturday?”.

    So yeah we smoked a bowl of Thai stick with Heroin and got some sweet neck Tat’s with my moms credit card and everything is cool now.

  • Light of My Life
    December 30, 2016 at 12:36 pm

    “I’ll tolerate a little grab ass as long as they’re serving scallops in bacon and free booze.”

    Hell yeah. What’s a party without a little grab ass and bonus Hors D’Ovaries?

  • BeantownBuck
    December 30, 2016 at 12:34 pm

    Holy shit, I have come to the conclusion that I live an extremely boring/sheltered life!!

  • Barry "vicelord"
    December 30, 2016 at 12:08 pm

    A rich heterosexual kevinLynch,, well, without the murders and momloving….

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