Fitchburg Queefpie Announces She Threw Boiling Water On A Cat, Goes To Doyle Field To Fight Anyone Talking Shit On Facebook
Want to advertise with Turtleboy? Email us at [email protected] for more information, and check out our website about types of advertising we offer.
If you’ve ever taken your dog for a walk and had to deal with another animal that won’t leave your dog alone, you know there are a few ways to handle such a situation. This is not one of them:
Maybe that’s how they do it in Fitchburg, but out here in civilized society we generally refrain from throwing boiled water on kitty cats. If you feel like the cat is playing too rough then just do what the President does – grab it by the pussy. Trust me, when you’re a celebrity they let you do it.
At first we figured she was just kidding. After all, we’ve gotten a million messages about some skag asking where to dump a newborn baby all over various town pages. This is the new thing now – saying outrageously false things to see if Turltleboy will blog about it. So we have to vet these stories for fake news.
Turns out this one is all too true.
It’s a wild cat? Sure it is. Because lots of wild cats live in domesticated environments. I’m sure it was about to make your dog it’s dinner. Especially since her dog easily weighs at least 3 times as much as the cat. Definitely.
She also claimed that she only threw the scalding tea (because this chick sure seems like a tea and crumpets kind of gal) on the cat’s tail:
Just the tip. Just for a minute. Just so the pussy could see how it feels.
People started criticizing Aracelis for throwing boiling water on a cat, which of course only strengthened her ratchet resolve:
Next thing you know she was planning on fighting everyone in the twin cities:
She wasn’t kidding either. She went full hoodrat and actually went to Doyle Field to document the fact that she will cut a bitch if they talk shit to her on the Internet.
That’s when the ratchet reinforcements came in, and somehow managed to turn a cat and dog beef into a black and white thing:
Jennifer Ho-pez is NOT fucking around. She’s “fleek.”
I think that’s a good thing, but I don’t speak EngFitch.
While Aracelis was apparently looking for new cats to throw boiling water on, Queen Fleek was holding it down and keeping white folks in line:
Yea, everyone knows that white people are the only people who own cats. We be loving that shit almost as much as we love Whole Foods.
Anyway, keep working on that selfie game girl. I see a bright career as an Instagram model in your future.
And by Instagram model I mean welfare queen with an iPhone.
We urge you to support the Turtleboy Sponsors by doing business with them. Without them none of this is possible. Click on any of them to check out their sites or Facebook pages.