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Flat Brimmed Air Jordans Jizzsock Claims Daughter Was Molested In Post On Lowell Buy And Sell Group To Promote His Bootleg Online Bodega, Is Every Bit As Ghettofabulously Ratchet As You Would Expect

Flat Brimmed Air Jordans Jizzsock Claims Daughter Was Molested In Post On Lowell Buy And Sell Group To Promote His Bootleg Online Bodega,  Is Every Bit As Ghettofabulously Ratchet As You Would Expect

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So, this happened today in the Lowell Buy and Sell group:

Oh my God, his kid got molested y’all! This is definitely the best place to resolve that issue, on a Facebook yard sale site! Definitely more effective than reaching out to, I don’t know, the police? And obviously if it’s on the internet, it must be true, because who would ever lie and claim their kid was molested in front of a bunch of online strangers? Does this look like a face that would be dishonest to you?



Others were also a tad perplexed as to why this guy was talking about the sexual abuse of his child on a buy/sell ad rather than filing a police report, so he cleared it up by continuing repeatedly posting a link to his website, and insisting that his daughter is totally getting the bad touch thanks to her mother.


But people quickly wised up to what he was really doing – promoting his website!

What’s on this website? A link to the FBI’s tip line? Maybe a Gofundme, or two? Or a shitty sob story blog that links to a Gofundme or two?

Nope. Turns out it’s a link to the online version of Worcester Bling Bling

This site is a steaming pile of shit, but check out this inventory!


You can buy electronics.

Fine jewelry.

Studio equipment.

Food – although no word on whether they take food stamps.

Accessories for smoking and/or growing weed.

Ghettofabulous bootleg sports jerseys.

Fine couture for the hoodbunny in your life.

…And so much more!

Whether it actually shows up at your door or not, is anyone’s guess. But he’s gonna get you to at least browse his wears in any way possible, including accusing his strangely swollen-eyed baby momma of letting grandma diddle the kiddies on a whim.  Is Mike Cadena running business seminars somewhere that I’m not yet aware of? Because this is just a despicable way to try to profit online. But, I mean, look at this guy. He’s a regular Charles Dickens with a keyboard:

And you’ll never guess what his favorite footwear is….

….Or what he does for a living when not using his child for clickbait to get traffic on his shitty online GhettoMart…


….His favorite style of hat…

although the team is just a bit off….

Ah. There we go.

And of course, he don’t need no stinkin’ lawyer for his kid, mang. He’s an expert, A.K.A, repeat felony offender.

And it’s all Gucci, fam, because he’s making stacks on stacks with his entrepreneurial spirit, so I guess claiming his daughter is the victim of sexual abuse is just for fun?


Honestly, if he’s going to go down the “Muh kidz are muh world and they is getting raped” path, he really should’ve gone the Gofundme route. A $10 Wal-Mart special button down and some sad piano music, and this chud could’ve been swimming in donation money and bored housewife poon. Sadly, he squandered the opportunity on weird yard sale group advertising for his shitty website, so all he’s gotten out of this is 15 minutes or so of Turtleboy fame. Amateur.

I bet he would be a blast on Turtleboy live! Hit me up, bro!




11 Comment(s)
  • Y
    October 26, 2018 at 11:03 am

    This guy is selling “10K YELLOW GOLD 18 MM LONG STAR DAVIS PENDANT CHARM – $55.00”
    Fucking Star of Davis!!! Who the Fuck is Davis?!?!

    • Sammy Davis Jr.
      October 26, 2018 at 11:27 am

      It’s me, babe. I’m a Jew, and I’m so rich I got my own star. Who can take a rainbow… cover it with smiles…
      Speaking of sales, I’m looking for an eye. I lost my glass one betting on a pool game.

  • Elizabeth Warren, candidate for US Senate, MA
    October 26, 2018 at 9:20 am

    Donald Trump and the fascist Republican party are keeping this proud man of color from realizing the American dream. I have a plan to prevent that from happening.

    • R
      October 26, 2018 at 9:22 am

      I can only understand 1/1024th of what you wrote.

  • Deflateddoritodinks
    October 26, 2018 at 7:46 am

    Jay Gonzalez is waiting for our schools to get better. Jay better is not going to happen because Democrats like you.

  • Frank Rizzo
    October 26, 2018 at 7:15 am

    if there weren’t so many of them it would be comical

  • Frank Rizzo
    October 26, 2018 at 7:13 am

    this country is loaded with millions of these millennial maggots, black white latino asian arabic etc. with no respect for anything or anybody, they breed like rats and suck off the tit of working taxpayers and their ho’s won’t name them as the fathers to the agencies that give them ebt section 8 and the like, this country is fucked and is only gonna get worse, THE FUCKIN END IS NEAR, BEWARE!

  • Annie
    October 26, 2018 at 3:04 am

    Please remove this post. This is my best friend’s daughter on your page. Please take this down. Her child’s father is ill.

    • Rochambeau
      October 26, 2018 at 3:56 am

      The best course of action at this point is to contact Turtleboy on Facebook. Whether it’s Turtleboy or a desk girl, they’ll send you a retraction form. They don’t really monitor the comment section on this website and the comments usually deteriorate into a free-for-all. Good luck.

    • deflatteddoritodinks
      October 26, 2018 at 7:49 am

      Her father should be put down like a dog. Btw your macaroni and cheese is delicious.

    • ICE
      October 26, 2018 at 11:15 am

      Yeah, he’s going to be really ill when he lands in federal prison for fencing stolen merchandise online.

      Jesus tap dancing Christ, spics are foul, tasteless, criminal and stupid all at once. Get the fuck out of our country. You’re society’s case of herpes. Fucking parasitic asshole vermin.

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