Former GoFundMe TB All-Stars Strawberry Slugrake And Joan Of Skidmark Beat Up Gang Of Teens Who Tried Jumping Them In Front Of Their Kids While Trick Or Treating
Want to advertise with Turtleboy? Email us at [email protected] for more information.
In May we published this blog about a couple “recovering” slugpumps, who started a $32,000 GoFundMe because their baby was allegedly having withdrawals in the NICU because of their “disease.” And rather than just get a job, the sperm donor, Chad Drouin, elected to Internet panhandle instead. Remember him and Brianna Ogden?
If not, then the hat should tell you all you need to know about Scrawny and Fried.
Anyway, after we blogged about them they went into Turtleboy famous mode, made a new Facebook page, shut down their GFM, and ran for the hills of Ratchelvania.
Then once the coast was clear they brought their page back, forgot that they got roasted on Turtleboy, and started sharing our blogs:
In fairness, pretty much every woman in Massachusetts has been propositioned for noodz by that guy at one point in time.
Anyway, they’re back this week, telling more tall tales of their Halloween experience with the baby, their five year old, and a mob of unruly teachers they beat the shit out of:
Lie #1: Last year in Hudson they found repackaged candy in their kid’s bag. That never actually happened. Because it never happens in real life. It’s just a lie that our teachers tell us in elementary school because their teacher lied to them, and their teachers lied to them, and so on and so on. No one in Hudson possesses the technology nor the capability to unwrap Halloween candy, inject poison, and then wrap it up again without anyone noticing. Then again, maybe they’ve been getting away with it for while and they finally met their match. These two:
Of course the even better lie is that a dozen 15-16 year olds approached them on their way home from trick or treating and jumped this mother and father with two children, simply because the teenagers “felt like it.” That’s a thing that happens in real life.
But that was only the beginning of this harrowing tale…….
So just to review. First the 12 thugs descended on the Cocaine Ginger. His “fiance” Brianna then clocked one of them in the mouth, leading to her getting elbowed. Luckily this happened right outside the home where a friend of their’s lived, so she came outside and babysat the children while Mom and Dad took care of business Rush Hour style. After that the group of street toughs, who presumably wanted their Milky Ways, followed them down a series of side roads, which necessitated a call to Chad’s stepfather. The same stepdad who he likely had an acrimonious relationship with growing up because stepdad, who more than likely is named Frank or Steve, drank all the Mountain Drew. Brianna did not want to have to beat all of their asses, because she didn’t want her son to witness her Ronda Rouseying them. Luckily she made it home in time to talk about it on Facebook before going out on the hunt to find these thugs because “they gon learn today.”
Unfortunately for these hoodlums they fucked with the wrong future common law parents. And Brianna will be waiting for them at their bus stops every day in order to follow them home where she will instruct their parents to “beat the shit out of them.” Failure for the parents to inflict physical pain on these imaginary teenagers will result in her doing it for them.
Don’t fuck with Joan of Skidmark. Chick is a one man wrecking crew!!
She should probably get her story straight though. Because previously she said that her kids weren’t there because the emergency babysitter got them out of there just in time. Then she said that the kids had to watch their parents take care of business as they watched in horror:
It’s true. Lots of five year olds want to help their Daddy because they know their Daddy was “disrespected.” It’s quite common for five year olds to understand the concept of disrespect and how it manifests itself during trick or treating.
But wait, it gets better…..
So let me get this straight. This fapjuicer right here knocked out not one, not two but three teenagers, while they were on top of him, and came out of it with nary a scratch:
I don’t know why, but I believe her yo!! Don’t fuck with my man Strawberry Slugrake. He don’t play like that.
The best part were the morons who ate this story up:
Proving once again that if you write something on the Internet, there are a never ending supply of nudniks who will line up to believe it.
Not to be outdone, Strawberry Slugrake, who now somehow has a hyphenated last name, shared a similar story of passionate brawling:
Hot. You know after a beatdown like that these two junkboxes went back to the crib to exchange unprotected love juices.
All I wanna know is, what’s the end game here? Were they just looking for some Internet high fives, or do I smell a GoFundMe for their medical bills coming in the near future?