• Fun-Sucking Fupa Shrew Threatens Children With Arrest For Water Balloon Fight Because Her Vag Is Sandier Than The Public Beach She Think She Owns

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    Allllllll right, it’s that time of year where pretty much all of the cuntwad tourists invade our usual South Shore beach hangouts with all their “greater than thou” bullshit. 

    This one woman took to a local page and did this. 

    Not only is she acting like that mega douche who sprays kids with the hose after handing them that rank orange and black taffy on Halloween – she’s taking it one step further and blaming the parents for children being CHILDREN. 

    Of course people told her to pull the telephone pole out of her ass: 

    But for someone who is so knowledgeable on all aspects of life – Laurie might be as dumb as her vagina is sandy. 

    No, Laurie, you are a tourist. You visiting once a year, while expecting the whole world to cater to you, and you being from somewhere else is kind of the definition of “tourist.” 

    So, she doesn’t know what tourist means almost as much as she doesn’t know what “bully” means. If you’ve ever said “kids will be kids” that means you’re raising a bully. You got that?

    You know how I met my best friend of 20+ years? The chick who was in the room when I gave birth and clipped my toenails when I was too pregnant to bend over and do it? 

    The bitch hit me straight in the face with a dodgeball in gym class when we were kids. She didn’t even apologize. She stood there laughing like a jerk. We didn’t bond until I clocked her back four minutes later and we had matching welts.

    Kids. Being. Kids. 

    How about you are probably raising a bunch of crybaby turds and you’re the problem with the world today. 

    Is this prude for real? Yeah Laurie, you hope they do it again! You should set up a surveillance camera and show these horrible little ones, smiling and playing, you mean business! Maybe it will catch your kids sitting on the sideline wishing they had a new mom who let them actually play instead of Capt. Fun Police. 

    I really appreciate my new homeboy John Lamb who came in and said what we were all thinking: 

    Careful folks, she’s a party animal! 

    Just saying. 

    In conclusion, I have a few words of advice for Laurie. 

    Lady, get fucked. I mean that literally. Go out, find a leather daddy, and get that poon pounded like never before. Let him spank you.  Hell, get a Hitachi wand for optimal orgasms. Please, for the sake of all of humanity, because you’re making life unbearable for us regular folks. 

    NORMAL people do not think just because they rent a cottage for a hot minute that all the rules change for them. Life doesn’t stop because you decided to come visit our towns for a week or so. NORMAL people would have joined in the fun and then helped clean up. 

    Not Laurie! She wants to call the cops because she sucks. 

    Fuck Laurie. 

    South Shore Turtlegirl

    [email protected] Covering the dirty South Shore and Coast. Email me with tips, send me some hate mail, or just say hello!

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    1. TortugaNiño

      I <3 SSTG.

    2. TortugaNiño

      Almost forgot, KIDS WILL BE KIDS!

    3. Noseface

      SSTG has to be a smoke show…she just has to be!!!

      1. Yeahhhhright

        I seriously doubt that

    4. johnnyb

      “Fuck Laurie” OK Turtle Riders…Who is taking one for the team??

      1. TortugaNiño

        Not even Killoran is THAT fuckin crazy.

      2. TortugaNiño

        Hook her up with the leicster rocks guy!!! He would probably have her filling a couple water balloons!

      3. Agent Smith

        Mr Butthurt will! He’d fuck a snake if he had sandpaper gloves

      4. name pending

        on behalf of the white guys i sadly have to turn it down and give her to the asians.

    5. They call me Ponch

      Laurie’s balloon knot is way too tight.

    6. whatevuh

      Why are these people like Laurie always freakin’ homely?

    7. Daisy Mae

      God forbid, that water could be laced with cyanide. Poor Laurie couldn’t be able to enjoy her vacation at her cottage. Got that kids…do not lace water with cyanide and throw it at Laurie. Her vacation as a non tourist could be ruined. Or arsenic….no arsenic kiddos…shes afriad of water balloons ruining her non tourist cottage time.

    8. Sarah

      Okay I agree she is a tourist and agree it would b a waste of resources but who knows maybe her kids r little and could b hurt my kids r small but I wouldn’t mind my kids would think it was awesome lol however the get fucked part LMAO males u worse like a magic dick down will change her life smh really ??? Maybe chill out would have been okay but attackinb her looks for her opinion is a jerk move what does her vagina area have to do with her mouth I found this tomb highly offensive honestly and I’m the first mom to be battling out Thea waterballoons and super soakers r awesome and kids r amazing when just being kids the rest of this article is trash !!! U should b ashamed to even write this garbage

      1. hahahaohreally

        Sarah… Calm down and enjoy the joke like the rest of us.

      2. Click

        Sarah, kindly go fuck yourself. Sincerely, everyone.

      3. Bertha Von Nation

        Could somebody please translate this for me? I don’t speak or read “incoherent nonsense, with no punctuation.”

    9. cropkitclub.com

      I think what you said was actually very reasonable.
      However, what about this? suppose you typed a catchier post title?
      I mean, I don’t want to tell you how to run your blog, but what if you added a title to maybe grab people’s attention? I mean Fun-Sucking Fupa Shrew Threatens Children With Arrest For Water
      Balloon Fight Because Her Vag Is Sandier Than The
      Public Beach She Think She Owns – Turtleboy is kinda vanilla.
      You might peek at Yahoo’s front page and watch how they create news headlines to
      grab people to click. You might try adding a video or a picture or two to
      get readers excited about everything’ve written. Just my opinion,
      it might make your posts a little livelier.

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    11. Lelio Vieira Carneiro Junior

      Do you have any video of that? I’d like to find out some additional information.

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