Sports

Germany Was Talking Shit About USA, As If That Game Actually Mattered

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So apparently going into this game Germany was talking a lot of shit about this game against the USA today like it actually fucking mattered. Check out the front page of one of their yahoo newspapers:

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They’re calling America the “burger boys”, and apparently this is supposed to be some sort of insult. This qualifies as humor in Germany. Also there is a woman’s naked breasts on the front page of the newspaper, I assume because she was excited about watching a 0-0 tie. So that’s good.

Hey Germany, newsflash – we didn’t give a fuck about this game. Look, it was obvious from the beginning that America wasn’t trying. It was an unspoken agreement that we were both gonna chill the fuck out this game, tie 0-0, and move onto the next round. You win the group and get the easier opponent in the next round. Yes, I know Jurgen Klinsmann said we were gonna actually try in this game, but that’s just something you’re supposed to say. He just kind of assumed that it was understood that both teams would just kick the ball around for 90 minutes.

But instead you naniburgers came in here like it was fucking Stalingrad. Attacking from the first minute? What’s wrong with you krauts? It’s like dude, we’re NOT trying. What are you trying to prove here? How obvious do you have to make it that you haven’t got over the fact that you lost back to back World Wars against us? Did you nazi that we weren’t trying at all?

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America should’ve agreed with the Germans at halftime to play it out for the 0-0 tie. Then we should’ve lied and broken this treaty. That’s what America does better than everyone.

So congrats, you guys won a game that didn’t matter, you get to play Algeria or some other schmuck country, and we get Belgium. Newsflash – last time we were in Belgium, this guy was running train on you people:

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Belgium? Come on bro. Think America is scared of Belgium? Give me a break. We’ll toss them around and move onto Argentina, a country that needed a last minute goal to beat Iran. Fucking IRAN. Argentina’s basically another Portugal – a one man team that’s going nowhere. Meanwhile you have to face France who probably looks like the best team in the World Cup right now. Have fun with that.

Oh yea, and Americans are really having a tough time grasping the whole concept of losing and advancing. Like this one idiot who fancies himself an NBA blogger on Twitter:

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Newsflash – group play is the World Cup’s regular season. Teams lose their final game of the regular season in the NBA and every other league before advancing to the playoffs ALL THE TIME. Like every single season when Week 17 doesn’t mean shit for the Patriots and we routinely sit Brady.

Guess what? That 4-0 Portugal loss to Germany actually fucking mattered. That’s why this system works. We have the same exact record as the Port-a-gee-zee, but we lost to Germany 1-0, and you lost 4-0. That should matter.

So is the World Cup’s system perfect? Nope. But it sure beats the fuck out of college football. If this was the BCS we’d be playing Honduras in the Chik Fil-A bowl on Tuesday. But instead we’re still alive and we’re still gonna win this whole thing. Because America doesn’t accept second place in anything. That’s the Turtleboy Sports guarantee.

Feel free to share your thoughts to keep the conversation going.

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7 Comment(s)
  • Jim
    July 2, 2014 at 3:18 am

    America doesn’t accept second place, it accepts anything under 10th, like education or on lists of great places to live. This blogger is a know nothing jingoistic faggot.

    “derp America derp…” – the entirety of this blog.

  • Go back to Basketball
    July 1, 2014 at 10:09 pm

    Shit you really don’t know shit about soccer. How did you say? “Think America is scared of Belgium?”… HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

    “Argentina’s basically another Portugal – a one man team that’s going nowhere”… go see some real soccer facts, you’ll se Argentina’s players in soccer since the first world cup ever existed…. USA???…. Thanks for playing a lot of money to the retired soccer stars.

    And speaking about one man team, what about Howard against the rest of the world? You wouldn’t won 1 game with out him.

    • Jim
      July 2, 2014 at 3:22 am

      No, he doesn’t know shit about soccer, or about sports outside of a childish view of the USA being the best in everything. How is that unemployment, poverty, and lack of education treating you? USA has the education system of a third world country at this point, with places like Korea getting better grades on worldwide lists. “America, we can’t read, but love our guns.”

  • real
    June 27, 2014 at 3:50 pm

    Oh looks it’s Ann Coulter’s husband.

  • Hans Dampf
    June 27, 2014 at 11:35 am

    Dude, first of all you put a picture of a yellow press Magazine and take it as it is a quality paper, you even noticed that there are tits on the first page and still going on… but never mind I think you misunderstood something when you were talking about that germany directly attacked you… well how to say it .. its Germany normal way of playing football… we attack you, get the ball, define the speed of the game… and we just made a goal and waited for the game to end.
    And I also take it that you don’t know about the 1982 Football match in Gijon… Germany vs. Austria where they actual agreed for a 0:0 and they just kicked the ball 90 minutes around the midfield not even trying to score. It was a big scandal and the Fifa will punish you for doing so…

  • Wabbitt
    wabbitt3730
    June 26, 2014 at 4:21 pm

    More likely we’re going to lose to Belgium, even though they cruised through a group that’s softer than baby shit.

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