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Girl Fight In Ohio Ends As Only A Girl Fight In Ohio Can – With A Shovel To The Head

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So I finally got a chance to watch that fight everyone’s been raving about last night. No, not the Maidana-Mayweather bout. I’m talking about the two girls from Ohio (AKA Florida of the north) whose video is making the rounds. The original video is 10 minutes long, and involves a group of teenagers walking around talking about how one of them hooked up with the other one’s boyfriend (who likely has one of those “mustaches” that is really just a collection of pubes and dirt). Then they find a chicken hut and lock the girl in the gray pants inside. Then they agree to fight to on the other girl’s front lawn.

Here’s how this incredibly awkward fight goes down. It ends the only possible way two girls from trailer parks in Ohio could end – with a shovel to the head:

That poor, poor shovel. And just think, both of these girls will be single mothers collecting welfare in five years tops. Murica.

This is easily the most bizarre fight I’ve ever seen. The way they lined up for fisticuffs I felt like I was watching a bare-knuckled boxing match from the Bowery in 1863.

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At first I didn’t understand what was going on. I’ve never seen a fight with that much mid-fight discussion. Girl in the black, who apparently is named Emily reminds girl in the pink, who of course is named Miranda Lynn, that she’s at Emily’s house. Because she had the better record in the regular season so she gets home court advantage for the playoffs.

The girl in the black apparently thought Miranda Lynn wasn’t following the rules of front yard, hand-to-hand combat, particularly that she was kicking her and punching her in the face:

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Apparently Miranda Lynn disagreed that the rules of war had been violated and reminded her, “That’s the point – it’s a fight.” So of course they did the only rational thing they could at that point – argue whether or not the girl in the black would get her BB gun. OF COURSE Miranda Lynn lets her know that BB guns don’t even hurt her. Because OF COURSE she knows what it’s like to get shot by a BB gun.

Best part is that as soon as she gets up the first thing she says is “I beat her ass, it’s OK”. Because that’s what’s really important. Sure she’s definitely concussed and likely has permanent hearing damage. But she WON the front yard fight. ON THE ROAD TOO!!!

So she’s all of a sudden quite popular on history. She’s apparently under the impression that this makes her a celebrity. And she doesn’t like being called “shovel girl.”

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So what does this lovely young lady have to say about herself? What defines her in a few words?

Screen Shot 2014-05-06 at 10.34.28 PMSo apparently she’s gonna put on her college application that she is, 1) Weed, and 2) the girl who got hit with a shovel. Solid resume right there. And she also provided the background to story if you missed it….

Screen Shot 2014-05-06 at 10.32.26 PMI’m sure this boy is a WINNER and totally worth fighting over. And what the hell is salty?

Screen Shot 2014-05-06 at 10.32.35 PMSounds pretty salty to me.

Screen Shot 2014-05-06 at 10.32.08 PMBad bitch. Add that to the resume. Now she’s got three things that define her.

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Daddy’s gonna be proud of his little girl, that’s for sure!! This tweet will probably come back to hurt her when she applies to work at Hurricane Betty’s in five years.

 

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That’s a GFQ right there. She got hit with a shovel – what was she supposed to do?

I’m not gonna lie, I feel like I totally missed out by not growing up in the cell phone generation. We missed out on a lot. I’ve seen so many classic backyard brawls like this in Worcester that I still remember vividly to this day. Too bad we didn’t have cell phones back then so they’re all just urban legends.Because let me tell ya, we had this kid at my high school, I think his name was Beaver or something like that. He kicked everyone’s ass.

When you rolled with Beaver you felt like you were part of Floyd Mayweather’s entourage lugging in his collection of belts.

Like this one time, these Doherty kids tried to steal our keg and Beaver kicked this one kid’s ass that had never lost a fight before. Or this other time when Beaver was only like 15, and he got jumped. The next day we brought a posse to Newton Square for a rowdy down to fight these St. Peter Marian alumni. Except there was like three times as many of them than there were of us. And PJ went out and was like, hey Beaver, which of these kids jumped you? And Beaver was like, I don’t remember. And then this one guy who was like 20 years old came out and was like, it was me. And then Beaver kicked his ass too. It was awesome…till the whole mob turned on us and we had to pile into my Mom’s minivan while the mob banged on the windows. My Mom was pissed!!!

That would’ve been awesome to get on tape. But not quite as good as a shovel to the head. You win this round Ohio.

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