Goth Chick Wendy’s Employee Leaves 5 Hilarious Voicemails For Turtleboy Threatening Internet Lawsuits For Blog About Fitchburg Prison Visitor

Want to advertise with Turtleboy? Email us at Turtleboysports@gmail.com for more information, and check out our website about types of advertising we offer.

Our Facebook page is suspended again, so make sure you to LIKE THE LOST BOYS OF TURTLE Facebook page to keep up with our latest blogs.

So this chick evidently did not like our recent blog about the Fitchburg emo chick who was offering to trade weed and Subway to any stranger who would give her a ride to visit her murdering friend Tia Ludwick in a Maine prison:

Shocking, I know. She looks like such a jolly lass.

Zahrah left, not one, not two, not three, not four, but five separate voicemails on our Facebook page (didn’t even know you could do that), and she’s coming at Turtleboy HARD!!

Here’s her list of grievances:

• Turtleboy is insulting to real journalists who go out and find real news
• Turtleboy is extremely childish
• Just because someone bought a t-shirt and mug from us doesn’t mean we get to be the Fitchburg and Leominster king of douchebags
• The comment section is riddled with comments from men who look like they’re probably going to commit a sexual assault at some point in their lives
• She screenshotted the men who said they would do unspeakable acts to her friend Tiara
• The first amendment doesn’t protect Turtleboy from defaming someone with a past of extreme mental illness
• If Tiara was to hurt herself in a response to our “long page wind sesh” then we could be liable for “a lot of things”
• Turtleboy is not invincible
• She is not at all like the people who have commented on our inbox. She is well versed, knowledgable on what she’s saying, knowledgable on the legal actions and rights that Tiara has regarding this blog
• Turtleboy is wasting space where we could be spreading knowledge to the public

Triggered!!!

Alright, let’s do a Snopes style breakdown to see if her grievances are legitimate.

Grievance: Turtleboy is insulting to real journalists who go out and find real news.

False. Turtleboy has broken several huge stories due to investigative journalism. Most recently WWLP and the Hampshire Gazette picked up on our story about High 5 Friday at Northampton elementary schools being cancelled because it traumatized kids. Turned out to become national news and literally everyone reported it. Oh yea, and NBC Boston also used as a source a couple weeks ago on our car insurance scam investigation.

Grievance: Turtleboy is extremely childish. 

Debatable. We do use the word naniburger a lot. But we also use grown up words like fupasloth. So, could go either way on this one.

Grievance: Just because someone bought a t-shirt and mug from us doesn’t mean we get to be the Fitchburg and Leominster king of douchebags. 

True. The Fitchburg King of douchebags will always be the murdering former mayoral candidate known as “he who shall not be named.”

Grievance: The comment section is riddled with comments from men who look like they’re probably going to commit a sexual assault at some point in their lives. 

Debatable. Although, isn’t that stereotyping? I’m triggered by her microaggression. Someone find me a safe space.

Grievance: She screenshotted the men who said they would do unspeakable acts to her friend Tiara. 

False. Seems to be mostly chicks commenting. Can’t find anything “unspeakable.” Don’t even see the usual comments about finger blasting. Seems like one of our tamer crowds.

Grievance: The first amendment doesn’t protect Turtleboy from defaming someone with a past of extreme mental illness. 

False. That’s actually exactly what it does. We are not required to find out how many times someone threatened to cut themselves before writing about them.

Grievance: If Tiara was to hurt herself in a response to our “long page wind sesh” then we could be liable for “a lot of things.”

False. If you kill yourself because we wrote a blog about you, then you’re obviously mentally unstable.

Grievance: Turtleboy is not invincible.

Debatable. He who shall not be named seems to be the only one able to penetrate our shell.

Grievance: She is not at all like the people who have commented on our inbox. She is well versed, knowledgable on what she’s saying, knowledgable on the legal actions and rights that Tiara has regarding this blog. 

False. Her legal training includes working at Wendy’s and formerly busing tables at the Olive Garden.

She is exactly like 99% of the people who message us with imaginary lawsuits. Except she’s dumber because she left a voicemail. Five of them.

Grievance: Turtleboy is wasting space where we could be spreading knowledge to the public. 

False. Turtleboy spreads knowledge on a daily basis. Troglodytes like this just don’t like hearing the truth.

And in the least surprising turn of events ever…….

Your friend was willing to take a ride to a prison in Maine with a total stranger who she was enticing with marijuana and Subway. But please, tell me more about how two white girls from Fitchburg are “SCARED FOR OUR LIVES” because of Trump. Ya know who should be scared for their life? That guy up in Maine who your friend killed.

Anyway, we used to have winners like this back in the 90’s. They all wore capes and said they were “different,” just like all of their friends. We rightfully made fun of them and threw eggs at the outside the Espresso Bar as they listed to goth poetry. Good times.

We urge you to support the Turtleboy Sponsors by doing business with them. Without them none of this is possible. Click on any of them to check out their sites or Facebook pages.